You’re all wrong…you know how Lucas can’t stand the thought of his good guys showing any roguish or evil tendencies. Remember how he reinvented Han Solo in the reissues?
Darth will be a CLONE of Anakin that goes wrong. Anakin and Padme will get put in a reverse utero machine thing (invented by JarJar) that regresses them back to newborn babies and alters their characteristics slightly. They then grow up thinking they’re Luke and Leia.
MtM, Coppola did it better in Godfather.
The climax should be the Skywalker / Kenobi duel, with the open ending (Kenobi thinks he’s finished the job, but audience learns that somehow Skywalker survived). We know he goes on to become Vader - no need to show that, or if you must, that is the closing scene.
They have to age the storyline by at least 10 years. Skywalker has distinguished himself during the ongoing Clone Wars as a Jedi and as a pilot. Palpatine has to start getting into Skywalker’s ear from the beginning. Skywalker and Amidala are forced apart by the council after news of Amidala’s pregnancy emerges. The Emperor twists the last screw, Skywalker dies (in essence) and Vader is born (sans suit). Jedi fall. Dooku takes out Windu. Muppet takes out Dooku. Emperor reveals himself and nearly takes out Muppet. Skywalker/Vader takes out assorted Jedi. (Alternately, Dooku and Skywalker take out assorted Jedi with Skywalker taking out Windu). Somewhere during all of this, Amidala gives birth and hides the kids away, and somehow dies in the process (did Leia ever acknowledge knowing her mother?). Kenobi hides Luke on Tatooine while Organa hides Leia on Alderaan. Kenobi lays the smack down on Skywalker/Vader.
Somewhere, you need a space battle, maybe towards the beginning during the Clone Wars. Chewbaca stays on the cutting room floor, or at most is in a cameo as a slave being rescued by Solo in a throwaway scene. Jar Jar is a non-entity. Boba Fett is a non-entity. Someone mentions midichlorians and is stabbed, shot, drawn and quartered.
Behind the cameras, Lucas has an inspiration. He overcomes his ego and hires professional scriptwriters to tie together as many existing plot holes as possible and to write decent (doesn’t have to be good, just not god-awful) dialog. And he hires an acting director who can see and correct the wooden delivery that plagued all the Lucas-helmed pictures.
I’m all for D_Odds or Kingpengvin to take over, but I’d ask that somehow they pull off the impossible and actually make Annakin’s fall a tragedy.
There’s this beautiful opportunity for high drama - all the peices are there (or were there before I and II) for a classic tragedy made all the more poigniant for the audiences forknowledge of what is coming.
I was hoping to find Annakin a charismatic, engaging, brash-but-not-puerile young soul, a character who’s fatal flaw would lay him as low to the prescient sadness of the audience. Instead, Annakin’s fall looks to be the just end to a plastic character who illicits about as much sympathy in me as a 13 year old gang-banger.
oh, and I’ll place my vote for Natalie Portman, wearing a Jar-Jar skin bikini and covered in EZ-Cheeze. . .
This is the sickest thing I’ve read yet. Mostly because it actually sounds plausible in the context of this series.
I wonder if they’ll have Anakin killing all the Jedi by blowing up the ship they are on. Kind of a cop-out, but that’s my feeling to get it over with quickly.
I also think Lucas will ignore the C-3PO and R2-D2 memory question. The droids were just stuck in Eps 1-3 to show a link with the original trilogy.
I’d sure like to see Anakin being a great pilot. I’m sure when Obi-Wan talked about it in Star Wars, he meant more than “Yippee, let’s try spinning, that’s a good trick!”
It’s not the plot I’m worried about, it’s the script and the directing.
I can’t really think of a good way to do this that DOESN’T involve contradicting the first two movies, but I’ll try my damndest.
The movie opens seven years after “Attack of the Clones.” The opening crawl explains that the Clone Wars are over. Palpatine exerts essentially dictatorial control over the galaxy.
The movie opens with a Republic star destroyer orbiting Alderaan. Jedi Knights Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker, now reknowned across the galaxy for their exploits during the Clone Wars, and Senator Amidala are visiting Bail Organa, head honcho of Alderaan, who has sent them an urgent but secret summons. Upon arriving they are attacked by a team of assassins bent on slaying Amidala, but Obi-Wan and Anakin defeat them. It is shown through this action sequence that Anakin is a Jedi of seemingly unprecedented awesomeness. Organa tells them that he feels Palpatine is intent on assuming permanent tyrant status and asks the Jedi order’s help. They say they’ll take it back to the council and leave Amidala on Alderaan under Organa’s protection.
On their return, however, the starship they’re on is inexplicably rerouted towards a black hole. An exciting sequence with awesome special effects follows during which the crew, with Obi-Wan’s help in some Jedi way, managed to rev the engines up again to get the ship away from the event horizon. When it’s over, Obi-Wan discovers that Anakin is nowhere to be found.
Meanwhile, Anakin has returned to Coruscant and goes straight to Palpatine. We learn that Anakin is now loyal to Palpatine above the Jedi, and tried to destroy the Star Destroyer to prevent Organa’s message from getting through. Palpatine tells Anakin that he must slay his wife and Bail Organa. Both think that Obi-Wan is dead. Anakin reluctantly agrees.
Obi-Wan returns and informs the Council of what happened. They dither and do nothing. He then learns of Anakin’s mission of assassination and returns to Alderaan.
Anakin arrives first and goes to kill Amidala, but he cannot, for he loves her too much. Torn between his dark master and his love for her, he tries to escape, but Obi-Wan arrives and attacks. A tremendous, ultra-awesome light saber fight ensues, and Anakin is mortally wounded. His broken body is worked on day and night by top doctors, and beging fixing him up by grafting bionic accessories onto him. Including a breathing mask. His still-broken body is returned to Coruscant.
Meanwhile, Amidala tells Obi-Wan what she was about to tell Anakin; she’s pregnant! With twins! He tells her that no one must know and forbids her from leaving Organa’s home. He then embarks on a months-long journey to round up all the Jedi he can find.
The Jedi Council has decided to withdraw its support from Palpatine, but he isn’t concerned. Fewer than a hundred remain from the brutal Clone Wars, and he has a new ally; Darth Vader! Yup, Anakin’s now dressed in black and he goes all samurai on the Jedi, killing most of them. Yoda flees to parts unknown as Vader slays the remaining Jedi in action sequences of astonishing violence and coolness and Palpatine declares himself Emperor.
Obi-Wan gets back with a few dozen Jedi he rounded up, but it’s too late to save the Order. Vader and the Imperial Army, led by the evil Tarkin, slay them with ease. Obi-Wan gets into another wicked fight with Darth Vader, who can’t quite kill him but is clearly the better man. Then… Amidala arrives with a coterie of troops from her home planet and from all over! A tremendous battle is fought. Vader tries to kill Amidala and thinks her dead, but she survives in some miraculous fashion. Everyone good dies except for Obi-Wan, Amidala, who escapes, and Yoda, who’s somewhere.
Obi-Wan returns to Alderaan under the transparently assumed name of Ben Kenobi. The twins are born to Amidala and she and Obi-Wan agree that they must be separated. Leia stays with her; Obi-Wan returns to Tatooine, for some reason, and gives Luke to hsi uncle and aunt, but stays nearby to keep an eye on him.
My friend Kenny and I have the ultimate scene planned out for Episode III. If Lucas does not include something that in some way resembles this scene, I will be crushed.
INT. THE OFFICE OF THE SUPREME CHANCELLOR
[Representatives from some of the largest and most influental plantets have convened in this office. Species of all shapes and sizes wait patiently to be acknowledged. PALPATINE sits in a high backed chair, turned away from the delegates. On his desk, between the two parties, is only a small sphere]
PALPATINE: [still facing away from the delegates] The Republic is at an end. The galaxy needs to be united under the leadership of one person. One species. That species is humanity. That leader…
[He turns in his chair] Is me. As of this moment, the Republic is no more. This is my Empire. And in this Empire, this New Order, humanity shall reign supreme, and this, this shall be our anthem.
[He waves his hand over the sphere, and the Imperial March begins to play. The camera pulls out from a zoom on his hand, to pan around and catch the horror on all of the delegates faces as what has been said sinks in. It goes around the room to the back of the new EMPEROR’s head, and around to his smiling face, all in one shot]
DELEGATE: You’re insane!
EMPEROR: Maybe. Maybe, but you, my friend are obsolete. [He lets loose a burst of Dark Force energy, killing every living thing in the room. He smiles as he finishes] In this new Empire, there can be only one Emperor.
[He stands and turns to face the large window behind him. The camera goes over his shoulder to reveal a near infinite number of stormtrooper, not clonetroopers, awaiting his every order]
In my opinion, kingpengvin and RickJay have the best specifics.
In general terms, I think Episode III has got to move. There can be no flimsy, rotting, slow middle and no depressing, corny, children’s stuff…I understand why that’s in the first two films, but it hasn’t worked out. We’ve got to move past that and make Vader the supreme badass that he has to be. We have to recapture some essence from “The Empire Strikes Back.”
Anakin must become Vader (without suit) halfway through the film. There has to be plenty of scenes of him force choking jedi, slashing, jumping, proving that he is the man. And no more whining. We need darkness, intrigue, Hamlet-esque moodiness. He can’t turn bad just because his mommy died.
No cute quips, no comic relief.
Palps has got to kick serious arse and reveal himself with a flourish, and there has got to be some cool dark-side conversion scene that mirrors “Return of the Jedi”
Sounds like a lot of action. That can become boring, too, but the series sorely needs action we can care about. The film has to involve people. I’m sick of droids fighting and trade federation ships crashing.
I know that’s all so general and so much easier said than done. I just think we need some radical shift in tone and style. The first two films have just been so turgid and awkward. I guess maybe if Episode III had more action and less talk we could avoid the bad acting and dialogue and indulge all the cool toys and choreography. That’s kind of sad, but there you go.
I think C3PO should have his memory wiped, but I think it would be neat if R2 didn’t. He’s the hero of the whole series anyway.
Well, I still maintain that Menace, Clones and Jedi are all a dream. (Hey, thanks, Priceguy! I love you too, man!) However, the OP raises an interesting hypothetical question: assuming that these movies were in fact canonical “prequels” to Wars and Empire, how could the franchise be rescued? Would it be possible to rescue the character of Darth Vader from the taint of humiliating adolescence? For me, the main tragedy of these new films is that Lucas has gone and destroyed his greatest creation-- possibly cinema’s most memorable villain. Yet the very fact that Anakin from the prequels is so different from the mature Vader suggests a solution. Consider:
Darth Vader: Incredibly cool. Powerful. Competent. Detached. Ruthless. Menacing. Can deliver great lines like, “I find your lack of faith… disturbing.”
Anakin Skywalker: Limp. Wet. A weenie. A compulsive fondler. Whines about sand. His nickname is “Annie.”
Even from a cursory comparison, the conclusion is obvious: THEY’RE NOT THE SAME PERSON.
Here’s how it could happen. In the third movie, Lucas introduces a new character, an incredibly cool character, who it turns out has an even higher Force germ count than Anakin. Since Lucas seems to enjoy reusing old ideas, and themes of incest in general, this new guy could be a cocky Corellian pilot named Don Solo (father of Han Solo by an earlier liaison). Don, of course, is accompanied by his co-pilot…a certain Wookie named Chewbacca! See how neatly this all fits together?
Anyway…it turns out that not only is Don more naturally in tune with the Force, but he’s also a better pilot and a better actor than Anakin. Obi-wan, who has been trying to drum some sense into Annie’s head for over a decade with no success at all, drops him like a hot potato and takes Don as his new apprentice. The Jedi Council then sends Anakin on a mission to find out if the Force works inside a black hole. With him out of the way, Don and Amidala fall in love, Luke and Leia occur, and Don adopts the identity of Anakin for…hell, I don’t know, tax reasons. He becomes a Jedi, the Emperor goes to work on him, the character of Governor Tarkin is introduced at last, Don finally becomes Vader and betrays the Jedi in some incredibly cool and plausible manner. The End.
Granted, it’s a lot to cram into one movie. But I think it could be done, and at least it would save Vader. See, it would solve so much… for example, it would explain why Vader doesn’t seem to know about Anakin’s family on Tatooine. More importantly, it would establish, firmly and unambiguously, that Darth Vader and Annie the Jedi have absolutely nothing to do with each other…
But… it’s okay; everything’s going to be* fine*. Trust me, it’ll all make sense when Han wakes up. You’ll see.
The only way that Star Wars can be saved is if Lucas listens to David Brin.
Jar-Jar is but a minor annoyance in the vast assemblege of stupidities, inconsistencies, and gaping plot holes that the Star Wars saga has become. By far the biggest plot hole is the matter of Tatooine. Considering all we now know about Anakin’s origins, why is it then that Obi-Wan chose to hide both himself and baby Luke on Tatooine? How is it that, in Episode IV, Darth Vader somehow fails to notice that his ship is orbiting around the planet of his birth? How does he not recognize C-3PO, when he built the droid himself? [The matter of Threepio not recognizing Uncle Owen can be easily explained by one of two things: Uncle Owen looks much older and the droid had his memory erased.] It’s not that Vader had his memory damaged, since he seems to know Obi-Wan perfectly well, as well as recognizing that Luke is his son.
What Episode III has to show us is this: Obi-Wan realizes what Qui-Gon (remember him?) had been trying to show him all along. The Republic is a failure; the Senate, ineffectual. The Jedi, powerful as they are, have ossified and become complacent. The Galaxy has become far too big for them to defend. The Sith have returned. Rival factions battle clandestinely for control within the Republic. Lawlessness and slavery run rampant in the Outer Territories.
But Obi-Wan knows of the one who would bring Balance to the Force. And so the plan is hatched. The Jedi are obliterated, yet Obi-Wan somehow escapes with the baby Luke to Tatooine (Leia already having been previously placed on Alderaan with Senator Bail Organa). This is part of the plan. So is Anakin turning to Darth Vader and becoming the right hand of the Emperor. That’s right, Anakin is a spy; a mole for the Light Side of the Force. It is already too late to stop the fall of the Republic, too late to stop the rise of the Empire. The fate of billions yet living and yet to be born is already sealed. There is nothing that Obi-Wan, nor Anakin, nor anyone can do to save them. Yet if they bide their time, the Empire may be cut short and billions, nay, trillions more may be saved.
Consider the events of Episode IV in this light. Darth Vader knows full well the significance of Tatooine and who is on the surface. He knows who Leia really is, and all about her droids. Indeed, he gives orders that escape pods with “no life signs” are not to be blasted, the better for the droids to make their escape. Obi-Wan gets the message and realizes that the time has come. Meanwhile, Darth Vader is put in charge of the interrogation of the captured Princess Leia and somehow does not manage to extract any useful information out of her (but of course!). Later, on the Death Star, he and Obi-Wan stage a light saber fight, the first in decades, conveniently distracting the guards surrounding the Millennium Falcon and allowing everyone else to escape. Vader also helps Obi-Wan transcend to become “more powerful than you can possibly imagine”. The escape was necessary so that the Death Star would follow the Falcon back to the rebel base, leading to its destruction and preventing any more planets from following the fate of Alderaan. (And you will note that it was Grand Moff Tarkin that gave the order for the planet’s destruction.)
Ah, but Anakin has already slaughtered the Tuskans, which is generally considered a Bad Thing, isn’t it? So isn’t it too late?
No. No no no, no no no, no no no. No no. No.
That was just some bs backstory Lucas came up with off the top of his head back when the question of Vader’s origin was asked during the making of the original trilogy.
I don’t care how fucking strong the force is in Anakin, he could not survive a fall into a lava pit.
Hmmm. Actually I recall one instance of a fellow falling into a lava and surviving. On the Big Island of Hawaii. The trick is to get out ASAP. Expect very very serious burns over each and every square inch of your skin though and immediate medical treatment afterwards. Even then surviving would still be tricky. But it can happen.
Maybe he does, but why would he mention it? Even if he does mention it, why would it be shown to us onscreen?
He only sees Threepio briefly during the Carbonite scene in Empire Strikes Back, and then he’s in pieces on Chewie’s back. Plus, all Protocol droids look the same.
That’s so plausible I can’t believe it!
It’s a bit too sophiticated for what I expect Lucas is capable of though.
Psyops. Imagine Han Solo’s reaction if he had learned that the annoying droid he’d been carting around was owned by the big baddie himself.
The fact that Obi-Wan takes Luke to Tattooine and gives him to Owen Lars could make sense, if Anakin/Vader knows that Luke exists. It could even be that Vader is purposly allowing Luke to grow up unmolested.
Evidently, however, Vader does not know about Leia. The likely reason is that he knows that Amidala is pregnant, but does not know that she is having twins. Because of this, and because they can see that Anakin is turning evil, Obi-Wan and Amidala take Leia to Alderaan and hide her from Anakin. But since Anakin is expecting to see a kid turn up soon, they take Luke to him and work out an agreement where Obi-Wan promises to take him to Owen on Tatooine, and let him grow up as a normal kid.
The C-3PO problem is trivial. The only time he and Vader are ever together is during the carbonite scene in Cloud City. And even then, 3PO is in pieces on Chewbacca’s back. It’s entirely possible (maybe even probable) that Vader never even sees C-3PO.
C-3PO may be custom-built, but he’s modelled after a standard protocol droid. Anakin building him is basically equivalent to a mechanically gifted kid deciding to build his own Chevy Malibu out of spare parts. Thus, it’s not really so unbelievable that Owen doesn’t recognize the droid 30 years later. (I’m assuming that C-3PO gets his memory wiped at some point, which would eliminate any possibility of 3PO recognizing Owen or Beru.)
R2D2 is a mass-produced astromech droid, so it’s not at all surprising that Owen and Vader don’t recognize him.
The only major problem to my mind is when the Stormtroopers slaughtered the Lars household. Would Vader let the stormtroopers slaughter his own son? I think the most likely answer is that Vader didn’t know that they raided the Lars farm until after it happened. Vader would, presumably, want to keep his son’s identity a secret. Therefore, he couldn’t say to the Stormtroopers “If you happen to run across this kid named Luke Skywalker, don’t hurt him.” It would be too suspicious; someone would check into Luke’s background and realize that he was Vader’s son. After that, Luke would be living on borrowed time. Someone would assassinate Luke to get back at Vader. No, Vader must keep his bionic mouth firmly shut about Luke.
Probably, Vader was just assuming that Luke would never get involved. Tattooine is a big planet, and the odds that the droids would fall into his hands must have been minute.
Regarding the plot in Episode III: I’ve heard that Lucas is not going to show us Anakin turning into Vader. He wants Empire Strikes Back to be the first time Vader is identified as Anakin Skywalker. We might not even see Darth Vader in Episode III.
One thing I’ve just realized is that it’s not even clear if Obi-wan knows about Leia. Would he have said “That boy is our last hope” in Empire if he knew about her?
Maybe Yoda is going to have to be the one playing hide-the-babies.
If Lucas cares at all about continuity.
Which he doesn’t.
So never mind.
I demand Portman in a gold bikini. That is all.
You guys are coming up with some damn good ideas. Hopefully Lucas will think like you guys. Probably not.