Not that Lucas will need help But as long as we’re fearing the worst, let’s see just how bad ep. 3 could be. My suggestion:
It turns out that Anakin ** wasn’t Luke and Leia’s father after all!!!**. Heartbroken after Anakin’s fall to the dark side, Amidala seeks comfort in the arms of … Obi-Wan Kenobi! Yes, that’s right folks, Obi-Wan is their real father!!!.
What? You say that utterly contradicts what we already know? That it’s pointless and needless? That it completely undermines the moral of ROTJ? Who cares? WE DON’T NEED NO STINKING CONTINUITY!
Let’s see, what else? Well as minor points, let’s kill off Count Dooku in the first five minutes of ep. 3, making any previous development of his character moot. He needs to be replaced with another expendable Sith minion, one who’s more figurine/ happy meal toy compatible. And let’s give Darth Sideous/The Emperor a comic-nasty pet.
With the rumored appearance of Chewbacca in Episode III, what if he was Luke & Leia’s father? That would explain why he and Han helped them in the bar in Mos Eisley.
•Anakin kills Palpatine and Dooku, resigns from the Jedi, and lives happily ever after with Padme.
or…
•Two words: time travel.
or…
•Due to failing health, Lucas is unable to direct, so he turns the chair over to his good pal…Quentin Tarantino. Anakin ends up killing Padme by using The Force to suck her brain out through her nostrils. In the second act.
or…
•The movie actually turns out to be really good, but it still doesn’t live up to the fans’ expectations, and they trash it anyway. But they all still pay their $6 at the theater.
The third episode is a “clip-show”, consisting mainly of the main characters reflecting on past events with long flashbacks from the previous two episodes
We’ll see a teen-aged Han Solo building the Millenium Falcon with his buddy, the teenaged Lando Calrisean. They will be fiesty young scamps living by their wits on Tantooine. Like All teenage boys they will speak long about their dreams of outlandish futures, like smuggling, cloud-mining and marrying democratic princesses. They will have a kooky neighbor who barges in at all times without knocking.
Or maybe we’ll se Annikin and padme rub disinfectant gel all over each other for the first 5 minutes.
I’m having a hazy vision of a Star Wars themed Christmas movie, something where there’s singing and dancing… sorta like a variety show. Such a thing would drive a dagger through the heart of the franchise once and for all!
Waittaminit… what do you mean they already did that?
In order to exact revenge for the death of his father, Boba Fett tracks Obi-Wan to Corusant and ambushes him. Obi-Wan, reluctant to attack a youngster, is slowly losing the fight, which isn’t helped when an ever-darkened Anakin runs off and leaves him to suffer his fate.
Obi-Wan is finally knocked down, and Boba Fett prepares to deal the final blow. But suddenly, Obi-Wan is saved! Boba Fett is ambushed from behind, and knocked into an electric grid, killing him instantly!
Startled by this turn of events, Obi-Wan turns to see his savior…
“Jar-Jar! You saved me!”
But Jar-Jar Binks is deeply distraught – he has killed a child, an unforgivable sin in the Gungan culture. Ignoring Obi-Wan’s pleadings, Jar-Jar does the only honorable thing he can do…
Yoda takes a break from Jedi-ing, needing a long holiday, and moves to Tatooine and starts up a cantina band. He’s the lead singer. Band boots him out when he keeps singing the lyrics backwards… (“To be loved by you unusual it is not…”). He moves to Dagobah and spends the next 20 years sulking and eating slugs.
Meanwhile, Amidala dumps Anakin because of his continual tantrums after sex, and she hooks up with his long lost cousin, Weird Al Skywalker, the actual father of Luke and Leia.
Ranchoth mentioned time-travel, but let be elaborate on that idea… Darth Vader - the one we all know and love - appears in the film, from the future. Anakin discovers that he is his own father! :eek:
That said, I already revealed the title of Episode III in another thread…
The Erotic Adventures of Chewbacca the Wookie
And, Silentgoldfish, I actually was hoping, after the first film, that Darth Maul would eventually return with a robotic bottom-half. If he actually does, I’ll be very, even if Episode III stinks.
Wait a second! General Grievious - the new villian in Ep. III - is actually a biological being who just happens to be mostly droid. (It looks like parts of his head and spinal column, and some internal organs are all that remain of whatever he was.) Could he actually be Darth Maul resurrected? Hmm…
But as long as we’re fearing the worst, let’s see just how bad ep. 3 could be. My suggestion: