You decide which ones I’m joking about and which ones are totally possible.
[li]We learn that Vader’s mechanical rasp the result of Anikin’s not taking Artoo and Threepio’s advice to immunize against “childhood diseases such as whooping cough, measles, diptheria and polio”.[/li]
[li]Holo-Chess characters enact classic “Three Stooges” scenario.[/li]
[li]Cuddly, commercially appealing Chewbacca pup introduced.[/li]
[li]Lucas gets social conscience, makes Yoda’s homeworld look just like Tibet and has Republic troops invade in a transparent reference to Chinese occupation.[/li]
[li]Scene featuring Threepio nursing Luke, Leia. We finally learn what those nipple nuts of his do.[/li]
[li]We learn that Jar-Jar designed the Death Star’s reactor venting system.[/li]
[li]Aging Christopher Lee’s (Count Duku) lightsaber duel as dynamic and tightly edited as Alec Guiness’.[/li]
[li]Lucas wisely uses an army of CG animators and millions of dollars worth of digital technology to add small amount of plausable romantic tension between Padmé and Anikin.[/li]
[li] Hundreds of “Gonk” droids in nutty synchronized ‘Buzby Berkeley’ dance number.[/li]
[li]Computer generated Yoda outacts everybody.[/ul][/li]… I apologize. I had a long commute today.
You decide which ones I’m joking about and which ones are totally possible.
[ul][li]A young Han Solo appears and gets into a Super Soaker fight with an equally young Greedo. Greedo shoots first.[/li]
[li]Twins Luke and Leia are born. They French-kiss in the cradle.[/li]
[li]Death Star is delivered on time and under budget. AS IF![/li][/ul]
Jar-Jar Binks was actually Luke’s stepfather for the first 3 critical, formative years, before being given over to Uncle Owen and and Beru. It took years to break Luke of the habit of saying “Meesa wanna potty”.
Actually, you aware that Chewie is what-almost 300 years old?
One of the deleted scenes from TPM involved Anakin beating up said young Greedo (well, getting into a fight with him, anyway). Supposedly because Greedo thought Anakin cheated in the pod race, or some damn thing.
Following up on the insane popularity of the Chewbacca pup featured in Episode III: We Know Anakin Was Supposed to Go Over to the Dark Side in This Film, But Decided to Have Him and Jar Jar Do A Mindswap First, Lucasfilm announced a new Saturday morning cartoon debuing this Fall on Fox: Wookie Babies :eek: :eek: :eek:!!!
Hey, Lucas has never been one to let backstory get in the way of a marketing idea.
Actually that was just another Rodian he was fighting with. The relasionship web isn’t THAT messed up :).
I’m thinking that they could quite easily incorporate Chewie, after all, as Guin said he is 300 during Starwars.
As a side note, am I spelling relasion right? For some reason I’ve convinced myself I’m mispelling it – my spellchecker disagrees but it still looks wrong to me… (then again I did manage to convince myself for an entire day that kitchen wasn’t a real word)…
Ah, but it is! Lucas himself said it was Greedo (and regretted having to delete the scene in the first place, as it supposedly showed the “darker side” of Anakin), and after the fight, one of Greedo’s buddies informed him, “You’re going to meet a bad end someday, Greedo.” (or something to that effect…I forget the exact wording, but they quite deliberately mentioned his name).
And it’s “relation”
Goddamnit, I KNEW it!
Oh, and I’m glad they deleted the scene then.
Darth Sidious destroys the Jedi by inventing a vaccine for midichlorians.
Someone makes a casual remark about something “weighing twelve angstroms”, prompting legions of Star Wars fans to develop convoluted theories about how, in the Star Wars Galaxy, they measure weight by comparing it to the weight of the amount of neutron-star material in a cube with sides of a particular length.
It is revealed that, as a result of a rift in the space-time continuum, Greedo actually fired before Han Solo was even born.
Palpatine and Darth Sidious turn out not to be the same person, or one to be a clone of the other, but to be long-lost twin brothers. There is at least one scene where they kiss each other on the lips.
A major character, important enough to be mentioned in the opening screen crawl, and intended as a dark and sinister villain and not as comic relief, is named “Dooku”.
“Relasion” ? Must be one of those funky Euro-spellings, like “moisturise” and “aluminium.”
The word is “relation”.
Meanwhile, I’ll keep using colour, honour and favour.
Nah it’s my brain on the fritz. Nothing new there.
Ah! Another thing that pissed me off about Menace. Rather than a mystical force bonding all living things together, Lucas made The Force sound like something that needed a shot of pennicillian.
In an unexpected homage, two construction workers in the Death Star project have a long meandering conversation about the minutiae of working in a 20th century convenience store.
It may just be the lack of sleep, but that was a great post, Nemo.
About Chewie, if he were to be in Ep III, how would it be done? The original actor died, and a CG Chewie would suck, I think (I think CG Yoda was irritating (but obviously necessary in some scenes, and CG C3PO bugged the hell out of me.)
You mean like this Nemo?
I posted this to a different thread on the Special Edition but I don’t know how to link to it, so I’ll put it in here. Apologies for being a neophyte at this kind of thing.
Special Special Edition (2008).
- Jar Jar is digitally inserted into every scene in Ep4, Ep5, and Ep6.
- Stormtroopers carry walkie-talkies instead of blasters. (Hey, they never hit anything important anyway.)
- Luke’s haircut is made presentable, but now he looks like “Hanson.”
- Ian McDiarmid replaces Clive Revill in the Emperor-hologram scene in Ep5, except now is a CGI construct less believeable than bikini pinups of Lara Croft.
- Han Solo’s Ep6 Special Edition line, “It’s all right, I can see a lot better now” is replaced with “It’s all right, I never had hibernation sickness, I was only fooling.”
- Aunt Beru’s looped lines are redubbed by Fran Drescher.
- The sweeping John Williams asteroid theme is replaced by the music from the 1979 arcade game “Asteroids.”
Ultra Special Special Edition (2012)
- Chewbacca is digitally removed from every shot and replaced with Jar Jar Binks. Han Solo’s line “It’s not wise to upset a Wookiee” is replaced with “It’s not wise to upset a Gungan.”
- Footage is added of Imperial Academy forces being trained in weapons use by Don Knotts.
- Digital lip-sync technology is used to change Luke’s line “Nooo-ooo-ooo-oooooo!” into “Yippee!”
- To make it more obvious that Senator/Chancellor Palpatine is really the Emperor in disguise, a set of Groucho glasses is added to every shot of the Emperor. To every shot of Palpatine is added a halo.
- The Wampa Ice Creature is now a cameo role played by Shaquille O’Neal, complete with musical number and dancing girls in skimpy fur bikinis. The scene goes on tour as the “Wampa Ice Capades.”
- The entire John Williams score is scrapped and replaced with Pink Floyd’s “Dark Side of the Moon.” Some fanboys claim it fits with spooky synchronicity in certain scenes, usually after the imbibement of several non-prescription herbal remedies.
Incredibly Special Ultra Re-release Special Special Edition (2025)
- Jar Jar Binks is made a Jedi Knight.
- Jar Jar Binks destroys the Death Star.
- Jar Jar Binks is shown to be a cunning and foresighted adversary who allowed himself to be manipulated by Palpatine into proposing legislation to create the Imperial Army. Says Jar Jar in Episode 2, “Revenge of Jar Jar,” “Nowsa meesa has a eeeevil Emperor where meesa want!”
- Luke Skywalker is digitally erased from the picture and replaced with a member of the 2025 Swedish Bikini Team.
- C-3PO is re-dubbed by Dennis Franz, who plays the Brooklyn-born Lt. Sipowicz from “NYPD Blue.”
- R2-D2 is given the BFG from Doom II and goes on a rampage in Cloud City to rescue C-3PO’s disconnected parts.
- Han Solo no longer accidentally activates Boba Fett’s jetpack to send him careening into the Sarlacc Pit. Instead, Han indicates that Boba Fett’s shoe is untied, whereupon the bounty hunter looks down, trips over his own foot, shoots himself in the neck, gets tangled up in his own grappling hook cord, and says “D’oh!” a la Homer Simpson. Fett then windmills his arms wildly on the edge of the skiff, falls into a batch of wet cement, and explodes with near-nuclear force. Han Solo then quips, “The fool! He doesn’t even have shoelaces.”
- Governor Tarkin, Han Solo, and Jabba the Hutt replaced with an aging Mike Myers doing Dr. Evil, Austin Powers, and Fat Bastard, respectively. The Ewoks are replaced with Mini-Mes.
Just get a different guy in the same (or same looking) suit. It’s not like it’s a difficult role…