Oops…Lucy. I was only kidding when I called her a Princess. No harm intended --as has been said, it was the note, NOT the woman that I deplored…
Colophon–I’ve seen all manner of wedding invites in crazy fonts and colors–that doesn’t make them tasteful or “correct”. “Correct” very much depends on your social sphere (I don’t mean that in a snarky way, btw).
You should probably admit to her you set her up. This board is full of people who are going to jump on a wedding etiquette related thread with “the rules” - and unlike a thread on taking your shoes off at the door, dressing for dinner, or tipping there is near universal agreement on the rules. Few things are nearly truisms on the Dope - but we don’t have a fondness for Bridezilla like behavior. The interpretations of such a note on the wedding invites are all valid - you do have four relatives likely to take it in the worst possible way, but a different group of people may have let in a little more difference of opinion.
(I’m somewhat shocked actually at how universal the chorus of tacky was. I mean, I expected the usual suspects to let you know (myself, Scarlett, Dangermom, eleanorrigby (I want you relatives), Harriet, etc. - some of us read etiquette books for fun. I didn’t expect near universal - you can usually find one person willing to play devil’s advocate around here).
Best wishes to your daughter. May she get lots of cash to pay for that honeymoon - but via dropped hints. More importantly, may she and her husband to be have many years of happiness together (and a few fights, they make the happiness sweeter).
Yes, this. Sorry not to have expressed it earlier, but this.
well, I made them up, but I have heard some very similar conversations out of my parents (no golf or pedis, though). 
Weddings tend to bring out the worst in all involved. I used to be a fan of the do it up special Day stuff–now I see more love and sweetness in a small, intimate ceremony. What you wear etc doesn’t matter in the end. It goes into an album or a website to never be looked at again. Just my 2 cents.
Best wishes to your daughter and her future husband. I think the decision not to include that request in the invitation was a wise one. Word-of-mouth is best for that sort of thing.
Amen. Here’s something you hear a lot from the weddingzillas: “Your wedding day is the most important day of your life!” Uh, no it isn’t. (If it is, you’ve got problems.) The most important day is going to come much later. It’s going to be when you encounter some huge obstacle and face it together. Or when you make an important decision together. Or when your spouse does or says some little thing that tells you what a prince he is. It’ll be a different day for everyone, and maybe even different for each partner in a couple.
The wedding day? It’s just another party.
Should I make and admission? Why? Especially when you’ve just said it better than I ever could.
Actually, I wasn’t shocked at all. I kinda counted on it.
(Incidentally, there were a couple on the other side of the fence).
And Thank You (and all those whom I know will echo it down thread) so very much for this sentiment. It means much to all concerned.
Lucy,
Mrs. Disguise,
and LucyEldestDotter (I know you’re going to be lurking out there … )
This invitation should be sent to www.etiquettehell.com to go in their “Tacky Invitations” section. I include a link here:
The website also has a “Weddings as Fundraisers” section, and once called “Gimme, Gimme, Gimme” The whole site is hilarious though. If you go be sure to read “The Titanic Wedding Disaster”
?? Why? As I understand it, this was a proposed portion of an invitation that has not actually been sent. Posting it to a scorn site after heaping coals on the author’s head when the text will never actually be sent seems, well, tacky.
That sounds much better. But if the card is just for a few people then why not just call or email them and tell them this personally? I might worry that someone who got the “Your presence is your present” card would casually mention it in front of someone who didn’t get the card. I mean, what with them all being up in the mountains together for two days.
Just a thought. Obviously you guys know your friends and family better than I do.
Best wishes!
Yes, indeed, best wishes for all involved.
A slight hijack, but since it’s apparently at the tail end of the thread, I’ll suffer the slings and arrows:
don’t ask: I do not know how others responded to the “several times” you’ve mentioned how you and your wife extorted gifts from your friends and family at your “wedding,” but please do not take these posters’ lack of response in this thread to your monumental rudeness to be in any way an approval of your tactics. What you did was make your “guests” pay for your venue, refreshments and entertainment. You didn’t host a wedding, you made reservations for dinner theater.
I sincerely hope you have taken the time to read this entire thread. Your obvious but misplaced pride in your tremendous lack of manners is simply appalling. I’d stop bragging about it, if I were you.
In Spain asking for straight money has been normal for years. The bank account details are normally not sent with the invitation but given when guests ask. Nine of the last ten weddings I’ve been to didn’t even have a registry; if you knew the couple well enough to bring a gift they were sure to like you did and otherwise you asked for the account when you called to respond.
What’s not so normal is having the wedding in the middle of effing nowhere for all parties involved, but I know cases (second-last wedding Dad went to, for example; beautiful location but nobody’s bed was less than one hour away by car and no bus to town).
(First, let me say, it’s tacky, tacky in my opinion, as it stands, and should be changed!)
Let us speak of the ‘Honeymoon Fund’ concept;
Here’s how you work a Honeymoon Fund. At the bar, at the reception, put a glass mason jar marked Honeymoon Fund in place of a tip jar on the bar. People are used to tipping out when getting drinks, free or otherwise. They will not feel pressured, they will mostly find it amusing. And, as the night wears on and the liquor flows, so will the lose ‘tips’. (It’s very important that you tell the bartenders, up front, you will be giving them a generous gratuity, don’t worry!)
Being gracious on the invitations and not registering anywhere will garner many cash gifts, I believe. The only place for mention of a ‘Honeymoon Fund’ should be a silly jar on the bar!
(elbows, wedding caterer)
Glad we caught her before she made this mistake. That card would have offended most of her guests, and she never would have known it because none of them would have said a word.
Now, though, I will help her get cash gifts instead of things she doesn’t need. Politely. First of all, she and her fiance should not register for gifts. When guests ask were she is registered (and they will), this is what you (and your wife, your daughters future in-laws, and her wedding party) should say: “Oh, they didn’t register. They’ve shared a home for years and there is really nothing that they need. I am giving them money towards their honeymoon fund.” The beauty of this wording is that is introduces the idea of giving cash (and establishes how the cash would be used), without ever saying that getting cash is the couples idea.
Word! And a similar word to elbows!
I’ve seen a lot of that over the last few years too, and to be honest I don’t like it one bit.
Most of the posts here sum up my feelings on it.
I’m sorry I’m coming late to this [del]wedding[/del] party, but I will say the original idea was tacky to the 2nd utmost level. The only thing tackier would be to pass baskets at the receiption marked “FOR THE HONEYMOON OF OUR DREAMS,” and refuse to let the guests leave until the proper amount is met.
Or maybe hiring a gang to come in with guns and strip the guests of cash and jewerly to use toward the honeymoon.
What if they hire a public-broadcasting pledge host to conduct the collection?