Howdy, neighbor!

The BBQ Pit
1

Welcome to the neighborhood.

It was really great to meet you this morning. I know, we’ve met before, when I’ve been walking past and offered you a pleasant “Hello” or a “Good morning” and you’ve grunted in response. But I think this morning constitutes our first real encounter, and I feel truly enriched thereby. Having previously had no basis on which to form an opinion, it’s nice to know that the new woman in my neighborhood is a complete cumstain.

How nice of you to notice that I walk my dogs every morning. The experience, I assure you is only enhanced by your psychotic dog barking its ass off at every time I walk past.

Imagine what a pleasant surprise it was, then, when I walked past your humble abode, and instead of a volley of barks, I was greeted by the sight of your front door swinging invitingly open, and your dog bolting across your yard, fangs bared.

I can’t thank you enough, you pus-ridden buttslime, for the adrenaline rush I got as I fended off your chow, yelling at the top of my lungs for you to come call him off, now. I did so, of course, so that he’d survive the encounter. I know you realize that all I would have had to do is let go of my dogs’ leashes, and you would have been encountering little bits of your former pooch all over the neighborhood for weeks to come. My dogs would not have been upset at all if I’d given them the opportunity for a little excersize and some team-building activity.

Eventually, you did appear, and grab your dog, and march him into the house. Without a word to me, of course. At which point, you will recall, I said, as eloquently as possibly under the circumstances, seeing as I was a bit flummoxed at this new brand of civility, “No apology? No nothing?”

You turned, and I was impressed with how the sunlight glinted off of your delicate visage as you magically transformed into a venomous, bilious hag. Your little harangue included, if I’m not mistaken, the following.

  1. An indication that it was not your fault, as you didn’t let him out.

  2. Your opinion that I should be grateful, as this doesn’t happen every morning.

  3. A desire to know if I would like this to happen every morning, as…

  4. You’d be more than happy to sic your dog on me on a regular basis.

First, I’d like to remind you that when you adopt a dog, you take responsibility for his actions and his upkeep. If you didn’t secure the dog, and he attacks someone, as, you may note, you phlegm-licking pusmaggot,that he did, you do bear the legal responsibility.

The second point I’d like to address by saying that only your complete absence from any aspect of my life would succeed in making me grateful to you at all, and I pity those people so starved for social interaction that they might mistake you for a human being, instead of the pitiful pissbubble you really are.

Thirdly, no. I would not like this incident to repeat itself. No more than you would like to re-enact that painful moment in which you realized that you’d have to live with yourself for the rest of your life.

To address the fourth point, I’d like to clarify that what you are talking about is assault. My only role in this incident was walking my dogs, leashed, in the morning before work. If you should choose to take it upon yourself to sic your dog on me, there will be consequences. Such as, for instance, the animal control officer taking your unlicensed dog for rabies quarantine. Including the charges I fully intend to press. Et. Cetera.

I advise you rethink this little threat.

So, to sum up, it really is nice to know that our little neighborhood is richer by the sum of one nasty, self-involved, irresponsible, vile little piss-stain. I’m sure your parents are as proud of you as they are of all of the substances that come out of their nether regions. And I’m looking forward to having you around the area until the cops haul you off for whatever classless little drama you get yourself involved in next, and you go on to either jail or Jerry Springer, and I get a new neighbor.

Hopefully, next time, a human.

Sincerely,

MrVisible

2

My mother taught me to answer people when they bid me good morning with a minimum of a smile. Grunts were not considered a choice response. I’m sorry your neighbor is a waste of oxygen.

3

I wish it were that easy. My white-trash neighbors, “the Kallikacks,” have two unchained dogs in their back yard (a pit bull AND a rottweiler-you KNOW these people are up to no good!).

So far, two people have been bitten and both have tried to get the dogs controlled through proper channels. We are told that—at least in New Jersey—the dogs have to bite THREE people before legal action can be taken (i.e., having the dogs taken away or the owners hauled off to jail). The dogs have come after me, but I am very good with dogs and all they did was jump up and lick me. Frankly, I have no problem with the dogs; I just want to see the Kallikacks euthanized.

4

And I’d like to take this moment to thank that titsack for giving all responsible owners a bad name. One person observing that crazy Chow from a distance would say “boy, maybe Chows are violent”…or for that matter seeing the wild dogs in Eve’s neighbor’s back yard…not for a minute realizing that these people obviously haven’t trained the dog for a second.

Thanks lady, for making it harder and harder for us responsible dog owners to find places to rent and indeed walk down the street without people leaping into the bushes crying “keep that dog away”.

cockwrench.

jarbaby

5

mrvisible, nice rant. Sorry your neighbor is so suck.

I still remember being chased by a huge dog while on my bike some 20 years ago, perhaps because it caught me (fortunately didn’t attack).

[angry]“WILL YOU STOP YOUR BIKE SO I CAN GET MY DOG?”[/angry]

Oh, so sorry, what was I thinking, riding my bike down the street and trying to get away from an enormous dog chasing me for no readily apparent reason. My apologies.

Unreal. [sub][sup]I happen to love dogs, incidentally.[/sup][/sub]

6

grunts agreeably

7

I’ve encountered similar problems while walking my dog. Fortunately my neighbors, while initially not taking proper precautions, seem to have a quick learning curve.

My dog is a Great Dane, Newfoundland mix. It stands nearly 4 feet at the shoulder. Its head is larger than most poodles. It once attempted to walk under my kitchen table, didn’t fit, and accidently carried the table into the next room without really noticing. My dog is very friendly to people. Its very friendly to dogs as well, as long as they recognize she’s the alpha. If a dog growls or acts aggressively towards her, she will try to make it submit. She’s actually surprisingly restrained in her early attempts at this, but its still quite frightening. I’ve seen her literally body slam a Golden Retriever, pin it, and release it without causing any damage. (Said dog ran into her yard and attacked her. Entire event was over before I, running at full speed, got to her.)

Despite my dog’s massive size, my wife and I have twice encountered incidents where the owner of a house simply lets their unleashed dog out into the front yard as we walked by. The result is usually tramatic, but fortunatly no injuries have occured. The dog owners in question though have never made that mistake again. We’ve had other incidents where dogs have slipped their owner’s leash to charge my dog. Both sides in these incidents have developed a custom of remaining at least a block away from each other.

8

My dog trainer told me that Chows are actually more likely to bite than pit bulls.

I have a Chow, and he will bite people only when Satan starts riding a snowmobile to work.

Irresponsible dog owners piss me off. Violent dogs are almost always treated incorrectly by their owners.

:frowning: :mad:

9

Well, I’m glad that you’re ok, and your cutie pits are ok. Without trying to resuerect the dog debate, this just shows, there are bad dogs, but they’re there because of bad owners.

10

I don’t mean to hijack, but that’s one of the funniest things I’ve read all week. :slight_smile:

11

Oh,man. I shoulda known she’d do it.

Here I spend an hour coming up with an OP, and, as a sort of tribute, include some of my favorites. Pissbubble. Phlegmlicking. Pus-ridden buttslime.

I was so proud.

Then she waltzes in, and in a nonchalant display of epithetical mastery, trumps my best efforts with “titsack” and “cockwrench”.

I defer to you, o Mistress of Epithets. You rule.

And to all others who posted, thanks for the words of support. Dogs are such amazing creatures, to want to hang around with some of these people.

12

Dear mrvisible’s neighbor,

You, madam, are an unmitigated, pea brained fuckwaffle. It’s hard enough to be a chow chow owner and endure the sneering comments when you take your chow chow on a walk without hearing about shitbuckets like you who give the rest of us a bad name. My vet told me that chow chows are pound for pound the meanest breed by reputation. Thank you, asswipe, for adding fuel to that fire.

You don’t deserve a chow chow. You don’t deserve to pick up the shit of a chow chow. You see, in order to deserve a chow chow you must at least have an IQ above the mean winter temperature in Fargo in degrees Farenheit. As you have not met that necessary condition relinquish the fucking dog before someone gets hurt you bitter old hag. Are you so miserable and pathetic that the only joy you get is making the life of a poor animal a living hell?

Our sweet, little, black, female chow chow died last November. We rescued her eleven years ago when she was two years old from a fuckwad just like you. She was matted and sick and neglected but with some care she blossomed into a wonderful dog. Everyone who met her loved her. Some strangers were scared to go near her because of assholes like you though.

Haj - looking for a black or buff female chow puppy.

13

BWAAAHAHAHAHA!!!

Fuckwaffle! That one’s going on my list with all the other JarbabyJ additions.

MrVisible don’t worry, I wrote yours down too.

-hashiriya-

14

I always remember this one time when I was walking my Aussie Sheperd on a beach in California, and suddenly some mix of pit bull and something else comes running straight at us. I’m trying to pull my dog out of the way, but he didn’t want to move (dog was 65 pounds and I was an 80 pounds kid at the time), so the attacking dog runs right into me. I fell down in the sand and the pit bull mix is standing there growling at my dog when his owner runs up and grabs the collar, then he says “sorry, [dog’s name] does that whenever he sees other dogs around.” Well if he does that whenever he meets other dogs, why don’t you keep him on a fucking leash already?!? :mad:

15

Eve said:
“a pit bull AND a rottweiler-you KNOW these people are up to no good!.”

So you are implying that people who own pit bulls or rottweilers are somehow “Up to no good”?

Believe me, I understand the intent and spirit of your post, but I question the tone regarding particular dog breeds and people. That was a very broad generalization.

16

As a Citizen of Fargo, I have to wonder if it is even possible to have an IQ in negative numbers. Tho the person in question may just prove that it’s possible…

17

I believe she meant that white trash no-goods had these dogs thinking it would give them protection from more civilized neighbors. These dogs can be very good, but bad owners make bad dogs. And these dogs are very efficient.

But then again, I could be wrong.

18

Speak softly and carry a big ol’ ass-whuppin stick.

Slightly off the topic, but have you ever noticed that the types of people who have pits and Rotts snarling around in the yard, and who go around bragging about what a mean watchdog they have, don’t usually look like they’d have anything worth stealing?

19

We were eating dinner at the time. The scene is actually funnier if you picture me with fork in hand chasing after the table.