Backstory:
About 18 months ago I was out walking my dogs when a woman who lives in the same neighborhood asked me if I pick up after my dogs. I was pleasant and assured her that I do. She said “Well I guess I’ll take your word for it,” but with tone and body language that said she didn’t believe me.
Figuring it’s best not to engage crazy people I changed my route and quit walking my dogs past her house.
Last summer I was out walking my dogs when she drove past me then stopped and again asked me if I pick up after my dogs. This time I was matter of fact. Yes, I pick up after my dogs. She said someone’s dog is pooping in her yard. I replied “It’s not my dogs. Find someone else to blame.” To which she replied “I don’t want to blame anyone, I just want people to tell the truth.”
OK, at this point she’s called me a liar twice and I’m annoyed.
Today:
This morning I was out walking my dogs when she drove past then stopped and waited for me to walk up. It got on my last nerve.
She said “How do you pick up after your dogs when you don’t have any bags?” I said “Fuck off you fucking nut job!” I pulled a bag out of my pocket, waved it in the air and said “It’s called a pocket. You should get some you fucking nut job!”
I had kept walking so she squealed her tires to catch up with me and said “Oh you’re a big man, I’m going to have my husband come down and punch your face in!” I said Oh, I’m afraid. She says “You should be, look at you, you faggot!” I laughed (I mean, really. Faggot?) She laid on her horn for 10 or 15 seconds. I smiled and waved as she drove off.
So, here’s your opportunity to tell me how much of a dumb-ass I am.
Since I don’t seem to be wearing my adult hat, I’m just waiting to see what happens when the husband gets involved.
On a slightly less childish note: feuds over shit might end up getting shittier. As in, she might decide to “return” what she believes is your shit. I hope she’s not too creative.
Yes, I am also reserving judgement until I get the answer to this question: Do you pick up after your dogs when you walk them? And how can you be, when you are obviously not carrying any bags?
If she’s following you, the obvious thing to do is watch to see if you do indeed pick up. It might take some time, but obsessed people have that time.
If she a) either followed you and watched you pick up, but still blames you, or b) followed you to yell at you but did not spy on you to see if you pick up, then she’s both crazy and aggressive.
The husband isn’t necessarily the same as the wife. If he just wants to talk reasonably, maybe you should. I mean really, the worst crime so far has been his wife’s semi-craziness.
And as she drives off crazily with you perched on the hood, deucing, make DAMNED sure someone’s getting it all for YouTube.
Forget no-kids neighborhoods for cranky 60yo’s. We need a separation between animal and non-animal people.
With three of my neighbors I have a reciprocal agreement. Their dogs can shit in my yard and my dogs can shit in their yard. None of these neighbors are on the same street as the crazy lady so I doubt she’s come down my cul-de-sac to see that happen. Everywhere else I pick up after them.
Apparently I need to carry a 14 foot pole that I can hang bags of dog shit from so my neighbors will see that I do indeed pick up.
You probably shouldn’t have called her a “fucking nut job”, even though she deserved it. I don’t blame you for it, but de-escalating might have been wiser in the long run.
Particularly since, to be strictly accurate, she never called you a liar. She implied it pretty fucking heavily, yes. But didn’t come out and say it.
Also…a reciprocal lawn-shitting arrangement? Dafuq? I can’t help but think that’s a bad precedent. Especially if CrazyLady has been snooping and has seen your dogs shitting on the “acceptable” lawns…
I suggest icy impeccable politeness from now on. Annoys her much more and lets you off the hook. "Madam, You’ve asked me twice if I pick up after my dog and I have twice answered your question. I am not in the habit of letting people imply or outright call me a liar. Goodday to you. ::closes door or walks away::
