I sit on several organizations, I’m a board member on two. Don’t get me wrong - these are not multi-million dollar organizations. Last Tuesday night I told the other board members that we all need to put forth some effort on fundraising - I’m responsible for this particular activity - by chipping in to help and to show our commitment. We were discussing a particular activity which needs to get up and running within weeks. The secretary said she would do xyz. Another board member said she “doesn’t do telephone calls” which took me by surprised, “I hate the phone”. I said I could appreciate that and was about to say that she could write a letter or two asking for corporate sponsorship. The president spoke up and said that she would contact two businesses. End of discussion. Next morning I receive an email from the President requesting that I apologize.
Now I live in the South [a recent guest of only two years], but I have figured out that grace is important. Ok, I send apology since I don’t have the phone number. No response. I ask for her phone number from the President because I wanted to make sure that the apology got thru.
Today I ran into the injured party and stopped her. I told her that I wanted to apologize to her, that I had sent an email because I hadn’t her phone number, and I resisted the temptation to say that she could write a lett…“Jesus will handle this,” was her response. “Have you seen Mrs So’n’So” as she walks away “besides XYZ [the president] was more upset than me”…
Here I thought I would bask in the shiny glory of forgiveness under the wonderful warm Florida sun and I end up with Jesus Christ in my face??? What the fuck are you talking about lady?!? I thought a Christian would have said “that’s ok, I forgive you, even if you are a tackless northerner in sheeps clothing.” Second, I am not a Christian so I found this to be doubly hurtful.
So, on top of the lesson recently learned that folks here do not necessarily mean what they say or say what they really mean, I have to learn the art of the quick drop insult masked in benevolent behavior.
I implied that she wasn’t committed to the organization. It’s the flipflop of the original point I was trying to make which is “show some commitment by helping out raising funds for a last minute event”. IE: No help equals no commitment.
I was told that the board didn’t want to loose such a valuable member.
This really isn’t an earth shattering insult from my point of view. I guess the real point of my rant is that I am still trying to figure out how to live amongst southerns.
Please. I’m in the South now, and what you experienced wasn’t because the person in question was a Southerner. It was because the person in question was RUDE. Rudeness happens everywhere. It isn’t a local thing.
And it sounds like to me this person’s on the committee in name only: not to do anything, but just to see and be seen. If you’re not on a committee to work, then you don’t need to be there. PERIOD.
After the way this person treated you, I would stand up in the next meeting and say exactly how I felt. No apologies. If they want wimpy-ass people on this committee, then your time and energy would be better spent elsewhere.
Sorry, but I get tired of Southerners always being dumped on. I’ve only lived here for almost 4 years, and I like it a lot better than that borderline state I came from. We’re like anybody else. It’s just the stereotype that you don’t expect them to be rude, but you expect it from Northerners. A person shouldn’t expect that from anyone, regardless of geographical location.
I’ll echo the comments made earlier. What the hell did you say to set them off? I’d demand an answer to that question first. I’d do like my darling wife above suggested, too. She’s not above doing that.
Then, if you feel like it, apolgise gracefully. If you don’t, move on. Living well is always the best form of revenge.
But please, find out what set them off and tell us? I have no clue what in what you related to us could have gotten them mad.
Otherwise, no, Southerners are not as bad as one or two people in Florida might suggest. FLorida is generally derided in the rest of the South as a “Yankee Penal Colony” these days, and therefore not southern anymore.
Gotcha. So she’s rude AND an idiot. On behalf of the human species in general, and Southerners in particular, I tender my apologies.
You’re right–rude idiots display their rude idiocy in different way in different parts of the world. And you seem to have it pegged. By and large the Southern way is a little more roundabout. As an example, one of the most catty insults you’ll hear along the lines of “oh, I’m sure she’s perfectly nice”
Next time you see her, be sure to tell her that Jesus has handled it by telling you certain that her failure to appreciate your apology is her problem and you are free to forget about it. Thank her for recommending you let Him handle it, and sincerely wish her the best of luck in having Him handle her problem with rudeness.
I love that. ‘Jesus will handle this’! Oh, you will surely feel the wrath of the vengeful Almighty for your insult, heathen bastard! But I can’t be bothered with such things…
Born and raised a good Catholic girl, (Drachillix, that is NOT an oxymoron)I am relieved Jesus is handling this woman’s problems. She is evidently incapable of graciousness and an inadvertant “insult” has upset her and whoever. IMHO,you would be smiled upon and she would rate a “tsk-tsk”. Trust me, I know these things…
Boards are weird critters. (I work with four of them.) Elected, appointed–doesn’t matter: you get a real mix of motivations for “serving”. I’m generalizing madly here, but usually only a small handful actually want to put any work in. The others? Underestimated time needed, just want the prestige, think it’ll look good in their obituaries, it’s a “social duty”, i.e. a way to socialise, etc.
The Righteously Insulted One just got called–rather gently, IMO–on her dereliction of responsibility. Forget her using Jesus as a smoke-screen; it’s tacky at the very least but she just compounded her own disgrace. Frankly she sounds like a shithead, so don’t expect her to view her own actions fairly.
You offered her a gracious apology she didn’t deserve, which reflects well on you for being the bigger person and trying to keep peace. If she’s all starchy and won’t accept it–screw her. Her defensiveness is her problem. My advice? Say nothing more to her; write her off. Make the calls and write the letters yourself. At the next meeting calmly report on your work and let the facts speak for themselves.
In other words, show her up for a lazy, hypocritical whiner. She MAY try bridling and spinning that she was willing to do the work but was just so hurt, etc. blah blah blah. Zero credibility; she’ll just dig herself deeper. But write her off. She won’t cooperate, she’s a drain instead of an asset so just ignore her as a dilletante. Either she’ll get huffy and DEMAND responsibilities or stay lazy; her choice.
You did the right thing and did it gracefully, kiffa. Pearls before swine.
