I’ll stick with the W.C. Fields quotes:
If at first you don’t succeed, try again. Then quit. There’s no use being a damn fool about it.
Start every day with a smile and get it over with.
“That’s harder to swallow then a bucket of cold sick”
I heard that on the breakfast news yesterday, such sophistication.
Oh, I forgot my other favorite one that goes with my first one. It’s more of a whole schtik than a saying, but I’m on a roll here. Work with me!
It’s from a Prarie Home Companion sendup of Mister Rogers in one of their semi-regular features, [URL=http://www.prairiehome.org/performances/19970125/97_0125CELEBS.htm Famous Celebrities . Now don’t get me wrong, I love Mister Rogers.
The subject is “What do famous people do when it gets cold?”
“…when Mr. Rogers is in a parade when it’s cold outside, there are hundreds of children and they all run up to Mr. Rogers and throw their arms around him. Yes, they do. And the noses of all of these children are full of mucous. Do you know what mucous is? Do you? Did you think it was something to eat? Well, it’s not.”
BWAAA HAAAA HAAA HA AH A HA HAhaa ha ha!
Dear Lord, grant me the courage to change the things I can, the strength to tolerate the things I can’t, the wisdom to know the difference and a red ferrarri - Mr. Boffo
You can’t have everything, where would you put it.
–Steven Wright
How are you going to get there if you don’t know where you are going.
–Yogi Berra
Why is it a penny for you thoughts but you have to put your two cents in. Someone’s making a penny.
–Steven Wright
“She (or he) looks like 40 miles of bad road.”
This was adequate to describe someone with less than beautiful countenance and facial features. But a cow-orker had to go it one better by saying of a customer,
“Man, she looked like 40 miles of rhino shit.”
I heard someone say that she would rather give birth to a flaming porcupine than talk to a particular person.
I’d rather wirebrush a wildcat’s balls in a phone booth then [perform some unpleasant task]
He made out like a tall dog on garbage day.
It ain’t nothin’ but somethin’ to do.
“Maybe it’s sinful, but there’s great joy in seeing that your ex has gained 100 pounds and married an unemployed jerk.” --Mot
I’m not afraid of dying. I just don’t want to be around when it happens …Woody Allen
You’d be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap. … Dolly Parton
No wonder nobody comes here - it’s too crowded.
- Yogi Berra
You’re gonna name him William? Every Tom, Dick, and Harry’s named William!
- Samuel Goldwyn
Don’t sweat the petty things, and don’t pet the sweaty things.
She (or he) fell out of the ugly tree and hit evry damn branch.
If you love something let it go. If it loves you, it will come back. If it doesnt love you, go hunt it down and kill it!
Sins can be forgiven, but stupid is forever. - Billy Sunday
Regards,
Shodan
On the radio yesterday I heard for the first time - “Parents are the bones on which children sharpen their teeth.”
Actually, Berra himself provided an appropriate answer – “If you come to a fork in the road, take it.”
Often credited as an Irish proverb – “May you be in heaven an hour before the Devil knows you’re dead.”
Motto of many engineers, computer consultants, etc.: “Faster, cheaper, better: Pick any two.”
How are you going to get there if you don’t know where you are going.
I like it ,too
As far as I know this is unique saying a friend and I made up.
That is stranger than a left handed lesbian eskimo on prozac.
I would rather be Butthead than Bevis because Bevis is a butthead
People always give me a strange look when I say either of those.
You can polish a turd until it shines but it’s still a turd.
my friend has this for a signature on another forum :
“intelligence is ability to recognize that i am right”
