I still miss my ex, but my aim is improving.
He/she couldn’t organise a piss-up in a brewery
He/she couldn’t find his arse with both hands
or, if you want to be REALLY derogatory
…couldn’t find his arse with both hands and an atlas.
and one from my Dad, which to my knowledge he made up, and which seems to sum up a certain type of person very well…
He’s so intelligent he can’t even open a gate
“Your as useless as tits on a bull”
Or
“It’s a shame your heads not as smart as your ass”
If brains were dynomite he couldn’t blow his nose.
I’d give my left arm to be ambidextrous…
A favorite saying, of my Dad’s:
Buy ya books and buy ya books and all ya do is chew the corners.
My oldest son’s favorite saying:
Excuse me, but I think you’ve mistaken me for someone who gives a fuck what you think.
(He IS smart enough to have never said that to me, however.)
useful for hung-over friends:
damn, you look like you were rode hard and put away wet.
or
eyes like two piss holes in a snow bank.
my favorite for whiny kids-
if wishes and buts were candies and nuts, we’d all have a merry christmas
“I don’t drink water. Thats the stuff that rusts pipes.” WC Fields
“You can lead a horticulture but you can’t make her think” Dorothy Parker
“It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more” Woody Allen
When my teens begged for money, I sometimes replied:
What do you think I do? Eat paper and shit money?
Can’t remember where I learned that though.:smack:
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving isn’t for you.
He has the IQ of a bowling ball
He’s dumber than a sack of hammers
And a humorous saying I made up yesterday in this thread; Linux: it’s more virile than eunuchs
well…I thought it funny at least