Has an innocuous string of words ever shamelessly misrepresented itself to you?
I was checking out Google’s news hub this morning, while waiting for the precious alkaloids from my magic beans to infuse the GVRD’s reservoir water with the subtle quality of potability, when my uncaffeinated brain choked on the following headline:
Virus hampers Internet activity
For a few seconds I imagined this was a logical occupational therapy for 'net addicts-- Arranging “Virus Hampers” — baskets filled with assorted goodies, prepared for community auctions to raise funds for the relief of suffering network-security types.
Then I remembered that “hamper” is sometimes a verb, and wondered if maybe I could benefit from nice long stretch of Basket-Weaving 101 myself.
I’m reminded of another instance of this duplicity of signifiers every time I walk past the gate of the cemetery that’s a few blocks from my house. There’s a nicely painted sign which informs passers-by that “In consideration of the safety and feelings of our visitors, driving lessons are absolutely forbidden.” Since, to me, a cemetery is distinguished by its neat lawns, rather than by the paved parts between them, I first interpreted this sign as an admonishment against people using the necropolis as a place to brush up on their golfing skills. With some people, it wouldn’t have surprised me a bit.
``The monthly meeting of the young mothers association will be held tomorrow. Anyone interested in becoming a young mother should see the pastor in his private office’’
“US Open to Saddam Exile”
What the hell does the US Open have to do with Iraq and Saddam Hussein? It took me a few minutes before I realized what was really being said.
