Hmm. I guess that sort of makes sense – for example, one of my family members has an auto-immune disease and she doesn’t seem to treat it as a group membership thing at all. (But also she did not self-diagnose herself…)
The autism / ADHD thing is interesting. In my experience, some of the people I know with ADHD have rigidity issues of the same kind that I know are present with autism. And I know at least one person who was erroneously diagnosed with ADHD first and then found out that no, actually, he didn’t have ADHD at all, he was autistic. So there is definitely some overlap with symptoms if not with underlying causes.
Well they are both umbrella descriptive terms, constructs that we created to organize the diversity. Some of that diversity fits more clearly into one box, some the other, and some not.
People labeled as ASD may have attention issues. It may be hyper focus on items salient to them but not their parents, teachers, bosses, or friends. Or not. A stimulant may be used with or without a comorbid ADHD label.
Advice I would give to my younger self, and to all other introverts who find it difficult to join groups and deal with strangers, is: network, network, network.
Our society is built on group memberships and the bridges that individuals make from group to group. Networking, in any of its many guises, is how those bridges are formed. No matter how difficult, distasteful, and seemingly time-wasting that effort might be, it is likely to pay far more dividends over time.
Except for the Dope I’m a hermit when it comes to groups, and I see now it has cost me dearly.
Saying to do it and why is helpful, but doesn’t address the how. Someone who finds it difficult making the effort will find it difficult, and not have much success.
It takes tools for an introvert to make those connections. Tricks on how to make conversation, tricks on how to answer uncomfortable questions. Tricks on starting with groups you actually enjoy the topic.
Wow - quite different from Chicago in the 60s-70s, where nearly EVERYONE was Catholic! Instead of the trendy neighborhood names they’ve been pushing since then, peoples’ location was definined by their parish.
And there have long been Catholic country clubs, fraternal organizations, and the like.
Yeah, we went to a church in a particular parish, but there were no neighborhoods within the parish where most of the other Catholics lived. We were all sprinkled in with all the other groups.
Yeah but it was grouped not by religion but by ethnicity. The Polish neighborhoods, Italian, Irish, Mexican, … all Catholic and very separate.
When first moved to our near west suburb bordering on a predominantly Italian neighborhood we had seen green bagels for sale for St Patrick’s Day a bit previous but were puzzled when we later saw red bagels … for St Joseph’s Day, which the Italian Catholics felt was theirs.
I’ve got to say that I find it funny that it was bagels they were claiming.
Good, but funny.
For some introverts, it probably isn’t.
Everybody needs some support structure, true. But not everyone needs the same sort or the same size of support structure.
And a support structure that you need to turn into somebody else to use isn’t very supportive.
(I am possibly an odd sort of introvert. I can talk to strangers and to casual acquaintances just fine. I can sometimes enjoy doing so. I just can’t do it for a very large percentage of my time; a much smaller percentage than I can comfortably be alone entirely.)
Well, I need a lot of alone time and am perfectly happy not seeing anybody but the cats for a week.
And even when I’m glad to see people – being around people takes energy; it doesn’t give me energy. After a while I’ll run out of it and see above. At a long-running party I’ll be the one off in a corner with a book, or asleep or pretending to be in a chair.
So I’m certainly not an extrovert by any description I’ve ever seen. I think I’m just a loud and talkative introvert.
Yeah my wife had asked why the red bagels and was told “for St Joseph’s Day of course!” (the “idiot” unsaid but clearly implied) and got a bit huffy: “Jewish, from New Jersey, bagels all my life, no did not know that.”
No, that’s a common type. Introvert is about spending energy to be with people. Extroverts get energy from being around people.
Many introverts are uncomfortable with strangers, in part because it takes more energy. Some introverts are okay for limited periods, the amount of energy it takes for them isn’t that different from being with friends.
This is the definition of “introvert” that I’d only heard within the last 5-10 years. And it makes the most sense to me. I can go to parties and have fun. People looking at me may think I really enjoy parties… and I do BUT only to a certain extent. The idea of getting/losing energy makes a lot more sense to me as a way to identify introverts vs. extroverts than who’s a party animal and who’s not.
Yeah. I like doing farmers’ market, which involves a whole lot of talking to people, sometimes about unexpected subjects. But it’s a few hours once a week, or twice a week the years I’ve done two markets. I know well ahead of time when it’s going to happen, so I’m mentally prepared for it.
And there’s a table between me and the customers, so nobody’s going to crowd me.
– I think the other thing is that extroverts, or at least some of them, seem to NEED other people around all the time, or at least a lot of the time. Some of them need a lot of people around; one or two won’t do it.
– In terms of the thread title: yes, I need to feel part of a group. But it doesn’t need to be a big group; the other people don’t all need to know each other; and I don’t need to see or speak with the group members all that often. I know they’re there, and that we matter to each other, and that if one of us yells for help or comfort others will answer.
Introversion/extraversion a bit of a complex and often poorly understood topic, whether one is referencing the works of Carl Jung or the pseudoscientific bullshitery of the Meyers-Briggs Type Indicator test.
Introversion isn’t the same thing as shyness or social anxiety.
Extroversion isn’t necessarily being a blabbermouth or party animal.
Some people describe intro/extraversion as a continuum while others think people have aspects of both at the same time.
Introverts aren’t just suited for isolated jobs. Many salespeople, executives, and actors are actually introverted. It may be that ability to self-reflect makes them effective in their job.
I, for example, am fine being by myself for long periods of time working on my own thing. But after awhile I have a need to be around other people doing stuff with them. I guess I’m kind of an “ambivert”.
Yeah - there was a grand total of 1 Jewish family (including one of my best friends) in our CPS grade school. The occasional Lutheran churches were viewed somewhat suspectly. When a Greek Orthodox church got built down on Diversey (I think) it was treated as something REALLY foreign!
First encountered a bagel in college in the Jewish homeland of Urbana-Champaign.
They got appropriated later.