Hypothetical: A woman has a big black eye bruise

Suppose that a woman - in a relationship or married - has a big black eye bruise (entirely accidental injury, not the result of any assault.)

If she goes about in public, people will think she was the victim of domestic violence.

Gentlemen, how would you deal with the situation if this were your significant other?

Ladies, how would you deal with the situation if this were you?

IME people do not assume “domestic violence” unless there are repeated poorly-explained injuries. Truly.

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I had a huge black bruise on my chin one time, when I was in my 20s, from learning to spar with an equally-untrained male friend (I’m a woman).

I don’t recall anyone saying anything about it but I was working from home at the time so maybe I didn’t go out much. I did go to karate class where everyone had a good laugh. I do know that I had to go to TWO weddings in one weekend with that bruise, and I actually managed to cover it up quite well with makeup.

So my answer is…I would deal with the situation with makeup.

You explain what happens if it comes up.

If it keeps coming up event after event, you’d better hire a good lawyer.

Is the woman Holly Holm?

“Deal with?”

Are you asking what I would do if someone accused me of punching my wife in the eye?

When I was in the Army I dislocated my shoulder and was in a sling, then we did gym PT playing dodgeball and I got elbowed in the eye and got a huge black eye I looked like I got my ass beat, every time we were in public people joked that my wife had beat me for not doing the dishes, I thought it was pretty funny actually.

Yes, and some others gave dirty looks or not so subtly judged.

I’m in the same boat here. What are ladies dealing with?

My wife had a medical procedure that resulted in a terrible looking black eye that lasted a couple of weeks. Neither of us did anything out of the ordinary. Quite a few people asked about it, and we had some laughs about “You should have seen the other guy” but we never spent a second worrying about what people would think, she didn’t try to cover it up, etc.

I think that if you’re seeing “dirty looks” and other non-explicit “judgments”, it’s mostly projection.

What would you do if someone asked you when you stopped punching your wife in the eye?

We hadn’t been married long when my wife got a black eye – right in front of her dad.

I’ve often wondered what the ensuing conversation would’ve been like if he hadn’t been standing right there right then; even I don’t believe it, and I saw it happen!

This happened to me about 15 years ago. I tripped going up stairs and banged my head on the metal and concrete stair pans. Two black eyes and a mild concussion. I got a lot of sad looks, a few head shakes, and two different women came up to me to tell me I didn’t have to take that kind of treatment any more.

I found it slightly exasperating. I had been divorced approximately 10 years at the time and the Ex-Creep was a genius at being mentally abusive, but never left a mark.

Depends on who and what the circumstances are. I would explain, and if they don’t believe me then they can go fuck themselves. Some guys might end up with their own black eye, I might have to get my wife to talk to some people.

I’ll tell you when I was put on the spot once. My wife had just found out she was pregnant with our first child, we were in a bowling league, her emotions were out of control, she made me promise not to tell anyone she was pregnant. During the game she started to cry and a nice woman on the other team thought it must be because of something I said or did. She gave me dirty looks and muttered comments the rest of the night. I kept my mouth shut as promised. The next week my wife had already started telling people, this woman came over and apologized profusely for judging me. That wasn’t as tough to deal with though, I knew eventually she’d find out what was going on. Denying spousal battery isn’t as easy, some people will never believe you.

Yup. Most people won’t assume domestic violence unless they know the guy is a short-tempered asshole.

Even so, repeated injuries will arouse suspicion.

So you’re assuming DV only occurs in male-female relationships?