I was having a conversation today with a friend who recently remarried, which led me to want to ask the Dope about the following hypothetical. For the purposes of this thread, I’m really only looking for input from Dopers whom would describe their relationship as monogamous/non-open. Sorry, poly people:
So, due to a tragic accident, you unexpectedly outlive your spouse. About two months after the funeral, you finally get around to sending the post office a COA to inform them of your spouse’s passing, and two days later, you receive a notice from the post office requesting that you notify them as to what you want to do regarding the status of your P.O. box?
Intrigued, you make your way to the post office, and discover that there is, in fact, a post office box, which you were previously unaware of, listed under your spouse’s name. Investigation of the box reveals, among other things, receipts for a safety deposit box, and a self-storage unit, both of which are located in the next town over. And, as with the P.O. box, both of which you were previously unaware of. Suddenly full of questions that you have resolved to answer, you decide to investigate further. Armed with all necessary proof of your relationship with your spouse, as well as proof of death, you head first to the storage unit, where the unusually suspicious (conspicuously so, in fact) owner/manager gives you a hard time about gaining access to the unit without the key, which you do not have. You decide to temporarily put a pin in that, and head over to the bank which has the safety deposit box, where you discover a cellular phone, several thousand dollars in cash, a set of ID’s,passports, even an insurance card, all of which appear to assign an identity to your spouse that you were previously unaware of, as well as what you presume to be the key to the self-storage unit.
Your first guess, at this point, is that your spouse may have been a secret agent of some kind. But, alas, this isn’t that kind of hypothetical. Upon finally gaining access to the storage unit, you find several items which you have previously been unaware of, including a fairly nondescript automobile, a small wardrobe, a sophisticated makeup/disguise kit, including several wigs of different colors and styles. So far, everything you’ve seen appears consistent with your previous guess of ‘spy’…
And that’s when you see them: Atop a desk in the far corner of the unit, is perched a small shelf, which houses two large photo albums, and several bound diaries. Your curiosity gets the better of you, and you begin to read through the diaries, where your spouse explicitly and graphically enumerates details of their infidelity throughout the entire course of your marriage. You learn that they had been cheating on you since very beginning of your marriage; and, when I say ‘the very beginning’, I mean even on your wedding day. And, it never stopped: judging by the date on the last entry, they had been on their way back from securing their secret stash, after their most recent tryst. Further reading indicates that, during many of these trysts, your spouse would belittle you and your marriage to their partner (and/or partners), and indeed may have even achieved some measure of sexual gratification from insulting you in front of their partner(s).
Here are the two questions I would like for you to answer (poll coming):
[ol]
[li]Would it bother you more to learn that they had been cheating someone of the same gender, or the opposite gender?[/li][li]Would it bother you more to learn that they had been cheating with the same person for your entire marriage, or with multiple people throughout your marriage?[/li][/ol]