Suppose I have this friend. Suppose this friend was living with a girl for ohhh… say 3 or 4 years. Suppose him and this girl moved clear across the country for whatever reason and then decided they were not compatable together. Assume for sake of argument that is true. Now lets say that this friend of mine still loves this woman but both parties know that relationship between them doesn’t work and living together as roommates didn’t work either. Yesterday, it’s assumed, my friend moved out of the womans house and moved into a 20’x 20’ slum of a “furnished” apartment complete with broken down sofa and love seat and ciggarette burned carpet. For the sake of argument this is the first time he’s ever really lived alone without at least a roommate. Now my friend does not have internet access at home just at work nor does he even have a stereo. He DOES have a TV though! Lets say, it has 13 channels. It’s bolted to a desk. It’s on a broken down swivel base that makes it sit cockeyed. The colors a little to dark. And red. Theres no way to change it with the universal remote they gave him for a ten dollar deposit. Suppose he sits there flipping through his 13 channels that are a little to dark and a little too red and leaning to the right and he finds himself just waiting for the hours to pass only so he can finally go to bed. Lets say now this friend realizes that he doesn’t know anyone or have any contacts for a radius of 1349.7 miles. Pretend this makes my friend feel more lonely and isolated then he’s ever felt in his life.
How long do you suppose it would take for the uncontrollable waves of self pity and grief to pass?
Oh baby Whammo!!! Your “friend” is breaking my heart. What coast are you on? Where are you living now? Sureley some dopers can get together to see your “friend…”
your friend, hypothetically speaking, needs to do one of two things:
a) move back home, or whereever it was he moved from, where he will likely be welcomed back by those people that have been missing him, however slightly, for these many months
or b) soend the hours going out and meeting people, doing things and starting a new, independant life.
a) is easy
b) is hard and sucks for a while
As for the no roommate thing, it’s either a great thing to be living on your own (his own) or it totally sucks. If it sucks, well, that’s a tough row to hoe. If he can manage to find independence liberating and exciting, it’s cool.
Either way, the not having the internet at home, speaking form experience, sucks. Especially when you’ve got a wealth of virtual friends there. Hey! Check whether there are any Dopers in the area, that could help?
Oh man, that SUCKS! Sorry buddy. Hey, here’s something you can do to pass the time:
Get a fork, or other sharp implement and carefully carve into the coffee table the following two phrases, alternating them as your mood changes:
“I HATE YOU, YOU FUCKING HEART-DESTROYING BITCH!”
and
“I miss you so much my angel. My heart and soul weep without you.”
I mean, of course, that your friend can do this.
Really though, buddy, get active. Join a 24 hour health club and get out of the house for as long as you can. Get on a bicycle and pedal your frustration away. Play racquetball until you can’t anymore. Listen to lots of good music. Go hiking. Do STUFF!
My advice to your hypothetical friend is to try somehow to get the money to move back to where he has friends and family. Surely there’s some family that would help?
I mean, I liked living alone, when I was single. But I had family nearby I could go see if I didn’t feel like being alone.
Hypothetically speaking, whammo, that sucks. I feel really bad for your, er, friend, and wish there was something I could do to help.
However, if your friend likes the city he’s living in and can’t, at this time, afford to move back to where he used to live, he could always go exploring the city. Meeting new people (hard, I know), stuff like that. If your friend just really wants a computer at home and can’t afford a new one, he could always rent one (Rent-A-Center), or buy a used one. If your friend just wants someone to correspond with, tell your friend to email me his address and I’ll send real life letters to him!
From what I remember, your friend is very close to his family back home. Also, your friend is not as tied down as much as he may think, especially since he doesn’t have a house to sell. My first recommendation is that your friend to pack up his things, move back home, and look for work there. A less risky approach would be to search for a job back home, and move back when he finds something he likes. Regardless, it sounds like your friend has plenty of people who would gladly take him in and help out until he got back on his feet.
If your friend chooses to stay, he needs to get out and meet people. Or at least go out, even if he doesn’t meet anyone. For example, my friend goes to the book/CD store regularly. He’ll grab a cup of cafe mocha and wander around looking at books and sampling CDs. Other times, he goes hiking near his house. Sometimes he strikes up a conversation with someone, sometimes he doesn’t. More socially, my friend belongs to a hiking club and a choral group. These two activities keep hom pretty busy. Plus he’s made several friends in each group. Recently, my friend purchased season tickets to the opera, for himself only – the Solo Mio package. The way the Solo Mio package works is that my friend sits with other Solo Mio ticket holders at each show in an assigned section. After each show, there is a social gathering for the Solos Mios. As of last Friday, my friend has been damn pleased with himself over that move. Church is another possibility, even if you’re not religious.
Regarding the girlfriend, I think your friend may be mistaking loneliness for love. My friend has made that mistake before – more times than he’d care to mention. Your friend may care deeply about his ex-girlfriend, but once he gets over his loneliness, he may realize that he doesn’t really love her.
My friend thought she made that clear when she threw his cloths out into the front yard. L
Thanks for your support guys, my friend appreciates it. Truly.
Been there, in a way, and I can tell you it sucks for a while.
Good advise has been given. Getting out and running my butt off so that I was completely exhausted helped.
Most libraries now have internet connections - I know our local one does. Get on it and use it to stay in contact with us here at the Board that care for your, um, friend.
YOu mentioned you got an email. HOw positive are both of you that it won’t work? I can’t tell if she’s just concerned about you or if she’s having second thoughts. Seems a little late in the game if she’s having second thoughts.
Just a reiteration. Sitting around doing nothing is the worst thing you can do. When you sit around, you only focus on one thing. And that one thing builds up and builds up until it turns into a worse depression or anger. Tell your friend to do something. It doesn’t matter what. Even a simple walk will do. Exercise is the best for you. It clears your mind and allows you to think. You’d be surprised at the epiphanies you’ll get when active. Just a suggestion.
Wow… you guys are good. Sounds like i’m not the only one thats been faced with relationship struggles huh?
Strainger… I can’t disagree with a word of what you said. And I AM working on getting a job back home, but i have to have a job before I can move back. Of that much I know.
Thanks guys.
Good luck, Whammo. You’re a great guy, and deserve better than this. Believe me, there’s plenty of happiness in store for you - you’re just going through a rough period.
In order to pass the time while trying to figure out the big stuff your friend could:
write letters to TN*hippie in jail
give his teeth a really, really thorough cleaning
go to the library and spend all possible time on the SDMB
if the SDMB is down, look on-line for jobs in his hometown
get some cards and become a champion solitaire player
make sock puppets (real ones, not posting ones)
call evilbeth at work if it is nighttime and on a day she’s there
I hope your friend finds a job in his hometown very, very soon and he gets to move back to be close to his family.
goes to the book/CD store regularly. He’ll grab a cup of cafe mocha and wander around looking at books and sampling CDs. Other times, he goes hiking near his house. Sometimes he strikes up a conversation with someone, sometimes he doesn’t. More socially, my friend belongs to a hiking club and a choral group. These two activities keep hom pretty busy. Plus he’s made several friends in each group. Recently, my friend purchased season tickets to the opera, for himself only – the Solo Mio package. The way the Solo Mio package works is that my friend sits with other Solo Mio ticket holders at each show in an assigned section. After each show, there is a social gathering for the Solos Mios. As of last Friday, my friend has been damn pleased with himself over that move. Church is another possibility, even if you’re