I decided long ago that I didn’t want to die in a car, so when I drive I have no ego involved in what I am doing. I refused to get angry or frustrated or exhibit rage.
I am always in control because my life and the lives of my passengers are in the balance. It is a responsibility that all drivers must accept.
It really pisses me off that they don’t. Today for example, I’m driving down the highway, and I am being safe and responsible. I am in the left lane and there is a car in front of me slowly passing a car in the adjacent right lane.
Though the guy was just creeping past the other car, and I would have much preferred he pass at a decent pace (it’s not like I have all day,) I maintained a safe distance and waited for him to complete his pass.
As I’m waiting, this scumdog passes me in the right lane than cuts over in between me and the car I’m waiting on. Thanks to this rude jerk I no longer have a safe distance between cars. It’s really inconsiderate because he could plainly see that it wasn’t me that was holding up the traffic, it was the car in front of me. I have places to go too, you know?
Since his manuever was unsafe and inconsiderate I feel that I need to respond to let him know, so I gently tap the horn so that he’ll be aware his intrusion was unwelcome.
The dickshmoe flips me the bird! Worse, there’s another car coming up on the right, and it’s pretty clear that there’s another assbag in that car who is going to take advantage of my tendency to maintain a safe distance in order to insert himself between my car and dicksmoe number 1!
So I decide to kill two birds with one stone, as the motherfucker on the right passes me, I creep right up on dicksmoe number 1s ass and camp out on his rear fender. The assbag in the right lane now can’t sneak in and he beeps at me angrily. I catch his eye, mouth a “Fuck you!” and flip him the bird. He mouths impotent imprecations at me, so I ignore him and return my attention to the dickshmoe who’s ass I’m riding.
There’s no point in letting my ego get involved with this loser in the right hand lane. As I said, I like to drive defensively and nonaggressively.
The dickshmoe is seriously sweating the fact that I’m right on his ass. He’s in this piddly assed Miata or some such, and I’m in the wife’s Durango. He’s nothing more than a speedbump to me.
I can see the fear in the guy’s eyes and he slows down to acquire some more distance between himself and the car in front of him.
“Oh nice fucking try!” I shout, “Now you want to be all safe and courteous, hmmmmm?” Fuck him. I maintain my speed, and while I didn’t think I could be riding any closer on his ass than I was, in a moment I’m looking down into his backseat over the hood of my car.
The Goddamn turd suddenly realizes I haven’t slowed down, and that he is mere inches from my bumper at seventy miles per hour. In a panic he accelerates again until he’s right on the ass of the car in front of him.
Well, if he’s going to be rude enough to tailgate the guy in front of him, he deserves what’s going to happen next.
I ride right back up on his ass, and now the motherfucker is living in a world of hurt. He’s got no room in front of him, a tractor trailer to his right , and me right on his ass. One false move and he’s roadkill.
The sonovabitch tries to put on his hazard blinkers in the hopes that’ll make me back off, but he must be goddamend stupid to think I’ll fall for that. I let him sit there and sweat it, until finally he’s clear on the right and can move over.
As I pass him he gesticulates wildly and is giving me the finger and whatnot. In other words he’s totally incoherent and completely succumbed to road rage. He has no business being on the road. He must have a gallon of adrenaline in his blood.
Now me, I’m calm. I’m a defensive nonaggressive driver. I don’t let my ego get involved in these things. I just want to arrive alive without confrontation, so I smile pleasantly and continue on my way.
You wouldn’t beleive what kind of morons are on the road, people that think with their crotch as they drive and let their manhood get confused with driving down the road.
There are so many nutbags on the road, this kind of thing happens all the time.
Thank God I’ve learned to be a defensive driver.