I think it was the other guy.
Munch,
I think you’re right. Was it WC Fields?
I could ask my dad for an estimate of how much it might set you back?
My friend’s father loved to fish, so he was buried in his fishing vest and hat, with a pole at his side. Everyone thought that was totally cool.
Go for the…
Dear Embalmer-person,
Please try CPR one more time.
[Your Name]
…tattoo on your chest. Those guys probably need a laugh.
The ‘write-my-own’ obit is another good idea. I’ll have to remember that one.
And I’ll be damned if I’m dying indoors. My last act will be to drag my sorry butt outside - rain, snow, sleet or hail.
I was thinking you were going to have the caterers pass out Mexican Fat Burners™…
Do you plan to have them replace the corpse before they bury the poor stand-in?
From the thread title I thought Wildest Bill was going to say he got his username from he and Bill Tipton were kindred souls.
Ladies and Gentleman, I give you… The Buddy Christ.
My friend Cathy and I often discuss what will occur at our funerals. At her wake, she wants there just to be a picture of her in the coffin. She will be sitting in the back row of seats, dressed in a clown costume. Then, when it’s time for her to be buried, she will not be riding in a hearse. Instead, she will have two people that she is only kind of friends with ride with her in the back of a limo.
Me, I want to be cremated and give some of myself to everyone who attends my funeral. In little Tupperware cups.
To continue RickJay’s little hijack, here’s what I consider the World’s Best Obituary. I found this somewhere in June – heck, it might have even been here – and just think it’s great.
SUMMERFIELD — Earl W. “The Pearl” Miller, 56, found refuge in Buddah and was reborn Friday, June 8, 2001.
There will be a memorial service for Earl at 2:30 p.m. Saturday, June 23, 2001, at the Rockingham County Courthouse Superior Court Room, in Wentworth. A Celebration of a Lizard will follow the service.
Born on June 28, 1944, in Springfield, Ohio, Earl developed a character marked by honesty, principle, kindness, humor, style and understanding. He graduated from South High School in Springfield, Ohio in 1962, excelling academically as a member of the Honor Society and theatrically in the Thespian Club and captivating beautiful young girls. In his spare time, he earned spending money working in the Vogue Shop selling fashionable men’s clothing.
Declining scholarship offers from Columbia University, the University of California at Berkeley, and Antioch College because of his parent’s desire to insulate him from the radical and liberal nature of these institutions, Earl matriculated to The Ohio State University. There, he served as a ringleader in the siege and occupation of the University’s Chancellor’s Office in protest of the Kent State Massacre. Unlike other radical hippies, Earl was able to maintain his shoulder length hair well-combed and his khaki’s pressed. At Ohio State, Earl was a member at the Black Student Union and pursued his studies in Medieval Literature, English and Marketing. During his college years, he worked as a tool and dye maker, truck driver and steel worker. Earl is best remembered by the female student population as a Great Date. Inspired by Marlon Brando and the movie “The Wild One”, Earl purchased a 1959 BMW motorcycle and was known to cruise around the Ohio State campus in his corduroy jacket, prowling for Babes. No woman who ever met Earl Miller was not charmed by him.
Following graduation, Earl began his adult life in the field of advertising. Even in this, Earl refused to surrender in full. Earl maintained his childish curiosity, his boyhood charm and the sparkle in his eye and his smile. He maintained his principles and beliefs, serving as the bleeding heart liberal at cocktail parties and in private conversation.
Earl’s greatest success in life lay in his decision to beg his soulmate, Yolonda Shimpock-Miller, to be his wife in 1979. Earl and Yolonda shared, by grace alone, a love and devotion for each other that exceeded their youthful expectations and was exceptional by any standards. They will be together always.
Earl lost his bid to become President of Russia when he refused to drink a vodka martini stating that only Bombay Gin would do. An admirer of Kurt Vonnegut, Earl refused membership into MENSA because he felt even Mark Twain would never have accepted a membership. In music, he thought Miles Davis & John Coltrane were tops in jazz and was known to dance in the aisles at James Brown concerts.
Early ably served as President of the Greensboro Croquet Club and Chairman of Croquet on the Governor’s lawn. One of his proudest achievements was winning a croquet tournament with his blind friend and partner, Dan Kelly.
As owner and president of NC Court Reporting Institute Inc., Earl was the Official Court Reporter for Forsyth and Rockingham County Superior courts. He was a member of the North Carolina Court Reporters Association. His greatest contribution to the American system of jurisprudence was a founding and service as the inspirational leader and guru of the Wentworth Lounge Lizard League.
Earl never lost his love for gourmet cooking, martinis, fishing when fish don’t bite, fast women, old cars and George K’s restaurant.
Earl was Class with a capitol C. Earl was a good man who enriched the lives of all who met him. Earl and AIZamir awaits his devoted wife, Yolanda Shimpock-Miller of Summerfield; his mother, Mareda of Springfield, Ohio; his mother-in-law, Margalene Shimpock of Kannapolis; and Boise, Casma, Cisco, Germain, Spectrum, Hootie, Rumpold, Dorian, Phoenix, Shiba & Vagabond, his fish, frogs and his many friends.
The family asks that in respect to Earl’s wishes, no flowers be forwarded to the family.
but my Mom still wants the Scottville Clown Band to play/ be played at her funeral…
http://www.t-one.net/clownband/music.html
If I’m in charge, we’ll do it, too…
Tamer than these suggestions, but true:
My uncle was a fanatic pinochle player. A few weeks before he died (of pancreatic cancer), someone at his table was dealt a double pinochle, and he commented that in his 20 years in Pinochle Club, he’d never been dealt one. The florist who later did the flowers for his funeral was also at his table. The arrangement on his casket had flowers arranged around a hand of cards - a double pinochle. It was just perfect; Dave would have loved it. Everyone in the family had to laugh and cry when they saw it.
Oh, yeah. Gimme more of that full-on Wildest Bill style.
Eve, that was the funniest goddamn thing . . . Unfortunately, I’ll need you to come explain it to my office mate, who can’t understand why I’m in hysterics.
Pod, I did that on purpose…
The hell with the diner. You wanna be set outside the K-Mart. Then we can all ride ya for a quarter.
Heck, y’all got big ambitions. All I want is to fart at my funeral.
Oh man, UncaB, that quite tickled me. Yer beautiful!
Yeah, I figured, 'nilla . . . I expect nothing less from you. 
I was applauding.
RickJay,
Can I come to your funeral? Pretty please?
Yours,
Cazzle