Thirded.
And now, reading up, I see the point is moot.
I’m… sorry for the pain, but glad that both of them have a chance to do better from now on. Now excuse me, it’s hard to type with all appendages crossed for you and them!
I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. I know it’s a confusing situation, grief and relief can occupy the same space, but it feels like a total contradiction. It’s a lot easier for everybody if that is openly acknowledged.
Your son and his girlfriend need to hear that the fact that they feel a loss does not equal having a baby was a good idea. I’d strongly recommend inviting a grief counselor into this situation, and visiting as a family (including the girl.) For the reasons you gave above, there are some things best said by a neutral party, but they really need to be said.
I also think your son must have some issues which allowed him to get sucked in by such a needy person. It may be as simple as a wish to be a “good guy” but he needs help defining the line between good guy and self-destruction.
Hope that helps.
Let me get this straight:
- GF announces she is pregnant
- DRAMA!
- GF & BF remain separated for several months.
- Just before GF & BF are to see each other (cynically, just before BF will realize she is not showing): miscarriage
4a. GF times the announcment to maximize the extent to which it will damage BF’s future prospects - DRAMA!
The timing is just too convenient. I can’t be the only one who suspects she was never pregnant at all?
Well, it doesn’t matter now whether she was really pregnant or not, so I don’t think limegreen should fret about it.
However, yeah, if she got pregnant in June then she would have been somewhere in the neighborhood of 17-21 weeks last Friday. At that point, even though it’s technically a “miscarriage”, the baby is big enough that you don’t really miscarry… you dilate and deliver. Of course, teenagers bounce back from this stuff fast, and I’ve heard stories about women who delivered full-term babies and were shopping or cooking brunch six hours later. Who knows?
It doesn’t really matter now.
When you have lived a life of constant pain, it stops showing as it would for a less inured person. She was probably just looking forward to a few minutes/hours of normal with supportive people. Even supportive people who are frustrated/angry are a huge relief when compared to abusers.
I definitely think that’s one possibility. It’s also possible she got herself genuinely pregnant on purpose in the pursuit of attention/drama. Say, taking a needle to the condoms. Or she was just really bad at taking the pill on time. Or the condom broke entirely by accident.
Whatever happened, it’s not really important now. Making sure things don’t go sideways in the future is what matters.
I hadn’t thought about the aspect of how far along she was, but yes - a miscarriage after about 12 weeks or so is kind of rare (much more so than a first trimester miscarriage) and it’s a much more serious thing. Did she go to the hospital?
Yes, her youth pastor (she’s been living with him and his family) took her to the hospital when she started bleeding, and was texting people back who were checking on her. Her mom apparently has had several miscarriages, and the doctor who saw her and confirmed the pregnancy had warned her she should take very good care of herself.
Whew. Well, good luck to you guys going forward. Perhaps you can get her the patch, the ring, or Depo - something that doesn’t require a daily reminder?
You know, that sounds like a really good idea. Even if she’s not going to be dating your son, helping her to get an implant or IUD would give her an enormous jump-start on life. It would be a great kindness to all concerned.
If she’s living with the Pastor, she’s probably trying to turn things around, but slips happen, and the stronger your wish to change, the stronger the likelihood that you’ll be unprepared when the hormones take over. If you know what I mean . . .
No, you’re not alone. Being somewhat cynical when it comes to teenage girls, I also think the timing is pretty convenient. Yes, I read the OP’s comment that she’s living with a pastor who took her to the hospital; however, with today’s HIPPA laws, I can see where the girl could still have made it up.
Nonetheless, I think you and your son have indeed dodged a bullet. I’m truly sorry that the girl had a miscarriage but she and your son were clearly not capable of supporting a child either emotionally or financially.
As an adoptee, I’m touchy about the number of young girls wanting to keep their babies because they’re soooo cuuuuute. Ugh. It’s a sad statement to our society that keeping the baby is almost expected these days.