Just wanted to clarify the definition of “disposable income.” Disposable income is what you use to pay the maid, pay for the pool & the pool service, pay for the nice vacation, and even to pay for the private schools. Disposable income is NOT what you have left over AFTER you pay for the luxuries in life.
Foxy, I think that this is going to get a lot uglier than it is now. Your soon to ex is already starting to understand that you won’t be doing everything for him now and that he is on his own two feet. I would talk to your attorney and make sure that you know exactly what the ex is entitled to and what you are entitled to.
I also think that ex husband has to learn to fend for himself. It isn’t your job to get him an attorney.
He was a grown man when you met him and didn’t have these skills. He had an opportunity to develop them and chose not to. It really is sad… I was with a man like this once, too. But you can’t blame yourself for his bad choices. You may have made it easier for him to be a slacker, but so what? A man with more character wouldn’t have allowed that to happen no matter how easy you made it for him.
Now he’s ignoring his children and whining like a pussy-boy? Yuck. He needs to get a taste of reality. I don’t think it’s wise to pay for a hotel for him. Doesn’t he have a friend he can crash with? A mother? Someone?
He doesn’t have friends he can move in with and most know that if they let him stay a few nights, it will turn into a month or more.
As far as a mother, yes he has one of those and what I am hoping is that he figures out that is where he should go when he is done pouting in his nice clean hotel room. He also has a father who lives in Alabama so maybe he will decide to go there. However, I think he is waiting for the cash I offered him to get himself an apartment which is fine if he can manage it with his credit problems. I need to pull the equity out of the house and am in the process of doing that now. I am certainly not “rich” enough that I have 20 grand sitting in a non retirement account. I do have a few bucks and maybe that will be enough to pay off a lease for 6 months. Small apartments are still reasonable in Orlando.
Make sure that you give him the 20 grand through your attorney and it gets logged properly as against the settlement.
Lessons my ex husband didn’t learn. Any money he paid me BEFORE the divorce was final didn’t count. He thought it would, it didn’t.
Tell him that yes, he is part of the family, but he wasn’t part of your intimate relationship with your stb-ex-husband, and these details are private. If he still pushes, ask him intimate details about his sex life with his girlfriend (or his masturbatory habits if he doesn’t have a girlfriend) if you want to get the point across.
No, you don’t. You might choose to help him, but you don’t have to help him. I think it is important that you clear your mind on this point.
I also think it is very important that you create a path through this divorce with your lawyer. You can still be fair to your ex-husband, but you don’t have to be his friend, and you don’t have to carry his burdens any longer.
Foxy40, I have been critical of you because most of your early posts seemed to focus on the money and pointedly lacked any referrence to emotional issues, especially the daughter/father issue. Your latest posts have made me revise my opinion and it seems that you are, indeed, struggling w/ the emotional issues. You must remember that divorce is a life changing event, often compared w/ the death of a loved one. This may mean that one, or more, parties involved will experience very real grief (Five stages of grief - Wikipedia). You come across as a strong person who deals w/ life very pragmatically, I’d guess that you may even be a bit controlling, probably because you see it as a necessity. I would further speculate that your daughter, and perhaps also your son, have learned to follow your model.
I’ve been married and divorced four times w/ varying degrees of emotional involvment, but one of those was to my solemate. We both realized, after a few years apart, that we were meant for each other. Just when we began to reestablish a relationship, which I’m positive would have led to our remarriage, she was diagnosed w/ cancer and was dead within four months. I tell you this to demonstrate that I’ve truely been there, the attempt to make the split amicable, the frustration of trying to divide assests, supressing the anger and hurt, the empty feeling in the gut, and all the rest.
You should consider that your daughter may be trying to deal w/ that as she sees you do it, by being practical and accepting, but that may not be the healthy thing for either of you. This may apply to your son also, he may need the details so he can put things into perspective.
Your husband may very well be experiencing the grief process, which would explain his emerging anger.
You need to consider the wisdom of trying to deal w/ all this by yourself, while doing all the other things that your life demands. I’m going to suggest that it may be wise to recognize that this is an adversarial situation, end direct communications w/ your husband and inform him that all futher communications must be through your lawyer. While this seems harsh, it could very well be best for both of you. He may realize that it’s time to get a lawyer and find out his legal rights and you can unload, at least part of, the burden of trying to make everybody happy.
I’m fairly sure that your husband is going to be ordered to pay child support and I don’t think a judge is going to accept any plan to avoid that. I also don’t think the judge has the authority, even if he/she wanted to. That will likely change the dynamics of your current settlement plans.
This is going to be messy, but sometimes there’s no avoiding that and I think, judging by your latest posts, that this is one of those times.
Best to you, whatever you decide. 
I feel the same as A.R. Cane, and wanted to reiterate those thoughts and wish you well. It will be long road, and I hope for a ultimately good outcome for all involved.
Yup, as much as we all hope for an amicable parting, it rarely happens in divorce because more often than not, only one party wants to separate. That leads to bad feelings. I really wish that Foxy would have waited to get involved with another man until after she was divorced because it will most certainly cloud the issue. He can use the “other man” as a fuel to feed his emerging anger.
In any event, I do hope that it turns out okay for the daughter. Even if dad is a slacker, she still loves him. And I hope he can suck it up and be a mature adult for her sake. That includes getting a damn job and supporting himself. Foxy has allowed him 8 years to follow his dream and now it’s time to get real.
As long as no one is deliberately misleading him, I think she is on solid moral ground by refusing to subsidize him anymore. As I said before, he will undoubtedly hook up with another woman who will support him soon. For every freeloading man, there are two or three women who want a man so desperately that they will support him. Heck, men on death row have no problem finding a woman. FoxyHusband should have no trouble.