Naaah. It’d be unethical. I can’t violate the city’s zoning code by running a home business that would generate large amounts of traffic.
Am I the only one hearing Vehicle by the Ides of March every time elmwood walks into the room?
The best part, elmwood, is that if you did turn out to be a child molester, and scads of body parts and Underoos were found in your bomb shelter, those very same neighbors would be the people staring wide-eyed into the news cameras, saying, “He seemed like such a great guy… quiet, kept to himself… I never would have guessed he’d do something like this…”
I know just how you feel elmwood. Just because I’m single, live alone in a big house and most of the people who come to my house are men, my whole neighborhood thinks I’m gay. Honestly, ya french kiss one guy in your driveway in the middle of the afternoon in plain view of the neighbors behind you who are all outside in their back yard having a barbecue and man! the rumors just fly all over the 'hood.
You mean, they seriously asked you why no women spend the night?
Is that really anybody’s BUSINESS? I think you should have looked horrified and screamed,
“Are you telling me I should FORNICATE??? SINNER!!!”
You garden at dusk? In Florida?? Why, you…you…WEIRDO!!!
You should be out in the noonday sun, frying and hatching future skin cancers like the regular folk.
Kids, don’t play with that man’s dog! He’s an accomplice!!!
BWAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAA! Now that’s funny.
If a bunch of actual child molesters wanted to have a party, sounds like this is the house they should rent for the weekend.
In that vein:
So I was banging this girl up the ass, and she turns around and says, “Isn’t this a bit presumptuous for a first date?”
“Isn’t 'presumptuous a big word for a four-year-old?”
It is an ugly magnification of what ever new neighbor goes through. Everyone gets checked out on the street when they move in. People talk. I’ve been seen at 2:55am wheeling a loud hand truck across a dead silent walkway to my old condo.
Body parts? No, camera parts.
I’m really sorry that you only become a regular person once they’ve seen the inside of your home, and get a sense that you are by their measure ( !!! ) a “normal guy”. There’s a wicked double standard at work here.
Then again, my kids’ daycare providers are a gay couple, and a few of the neighbors have really given them grief for it. Fortunately, they take care of SO many kids in town that at some point, I think the bigots down the block figured they must not be molesting them, but just caring for them.
Jerks.
Cartooniverse
This is such an unfair stigma. What do they say about the single female professionals that move into the suburbs?
Just the way people judge me now I know I am going to have a hard time in this situation. I’ll probably wind up as living in the creepy house down the street that no kid jumps the fence to get their football back because your friends brother’s cousin’s classmate said some kid got eaten by the guy who lived there :rolleyes:
Heh.
Try being a single woman living alone with cats and working evening shift.
Really, try it. You might like it. 
Our neighbors on either side are both single men who keep somewhat strange hours. Our dog absolutely hates one of them, too. And I’ve warned my kids to stay away from their houses…
…because they’re really, really nice guys and I don’t want them thinking my kids are ill-mannered, loud brats whose parents haven’t taught them to respect property. The dog is just stupid.
Do you just want to rant or would you like some advice?
Fuck it, I’m giving you advice anyway.
Ask your neighbors if they know any nice single women. Tell them to spread the word. They will. If they like you, they’ll even TRY to set you up rather than just ridicule you.
Being a single person with eczema and a sexual interest in adults is fine, being a scaly pedophile is creepy.
This is the sense of humour I was talking about. You crack me right up, Steve!
I don’t find that funny at all.
Elmwood,
Want to put the suspicions away for good?
Throw a barbeque.
That way everyone can meet you, and put you on the “Nice guy for the single lady that I know” list.
Its a pity that you have to prove that you’re not scary, but such is the society that we live in.
Twisty, if he starts throwing bloody great barbecues around the place, it’ll hardly improve his poor withered reputation.
Violence is rarely the answer.
The problem with barbecues, of course, is that you have to know who you’re barbecuing. That way, you can make allowances for people’s particular tastes. So, you’d want to make some friendly, discreet, one-on-one contacts with your neighbours before the actual event.
Course, people will start wondering where the meat came from…
Oops. The first sentence in that post should, of course, end with “… know who you’re barbecuing for”.
Silly mistake. But perfectly innocent. Could happen to anyone, right?