I am not a homework wench, you dick

The BBQ Pit
1

Dear Ex-Boyfriend-who-is-still-my-friend:

This is in regards to our interpersonal relationship status as of approximately 11:00 PM CST on Thursday, February 28th, 2002. At this time, we mutually agreed to change our status from “couple” to “good friends.” This change was accepted rather reluctantly by both parties.

As a result, certain rights were relinquished by both of us. It is one of these rights which inspires me to write this letter today, the right of homework help.

When we were going out, I did occaisionally provide in-depth help with your homework assignments, mostly those relating to the areas of mathematics and science. This service consisted of mostly explanations, with the occaisional answer being provided when I got too frustrated to explain any more material. In doing this, I sometimes wasted over an hour trying to ensure that you fully understood the material. This sacrifice, however, is not a god-given right.

We have changed our relationship status, as I mentioned in the previous paragraph. We are no longer dating, and as a result, I no longer feel obligated to make you my utmost priority at your whim. I also feel that I am not required to alter any of my other plans to assist you in your academic excursions. Thus, I will not be providing in-depth homework assistance this afternoon, as I already made plans with my little sister to go out to lunch and then explore the mall. You will have to do this assignment on your own.

In closing, you dumped me, you fucking bastard. I was understanding. I accepted the fact that your “hormones” had “kicked in” and that you were no longer looking for a serious relationship. You said that you still wanted to be friends, and I agreed. However, I am not your bitch anymore. I really fucking resent the fact that you ask me to do this shit, and since I still kinda-like you (can’t help it), it’s very hard for me to say no. So when I’m not busy, I’ll help. But I am not going to change my plans for the ferret-felching bastard who decided he didn’t want me anymore, and if you keep this bullshit up, you’re going to lose a friend.

Please take any and all actions to correct this behavior in the future.

Best Wishes,
Gabe

2

Isn’t this the same putz you suspect of hacking into your system for purposes of intimidation and giving personal information to people that you didn’t really need to have know those things? Even though he still denies it? (That’s the story as I remember it, sorry for any fuzzy bits I’ve gotten wrong) I seem to remember a few other icky bits about him too, but that could be someone else.

Dear god, AOTL, you have the patience of a saint. I’d have booted him out a second-story window by now.

3

Excellent rant ** Angel of the Lord **.

I also vaguely remember the computer related rant.

I am curious if you have sent copies of these rants to your ex, or just to this board?

4

Angel of the Lord you say?

I guess irony blooms earlier in the Indiana/Illinois area.

At any rate, it has been scientifically proven that the two parties involved in a relationship schism can NEVER be “friends”. Sever all ties with the using bum.

and, of course, I use the term “scientifically proven” in the loosest of all possible ways.

5

Darnit, Spritle, you missed a perfectly good time to quote When harry Met Sally:slight_smile:

Men and women can never be friends. Sex gets in the way.

[sub]Or something; I can’t quote the movie the way I used to.[/sub]

6

Actually, being a good friend of AotL, I can say that the user name, while sometimes misleading, is usually right on.

At any rate, I agree with the statement about break-ups not being conductive to friendships; however, that is not always the case. I dated a girl a few years ago that I was friends with before the relationship; that may be why we were able to be friends afterwards, but at any rate, it can (and does) happen.

And now to speak directly to Gabe:
Sweetheart, my good friend, my Doper Sister … I understand I might sound a bit hypoctritical, given the situations you’ve helped me through, but please, please, PLEASE, for the sake of your own sanity, kick his ass to the curb and drive away. I talked to both of you throughout the whole situation, and he seems to have no remorse for any of it. It is the clichéd situation of someone wanting their cake and eating it, too. He doesn’t get the sex, or the affection, or the other things that seperate “friends” from “more than friends,” but he still gets his Homework Bitch. That’s not cool. You are a great person and a wonderful friend, and just as you hate to see me upset over similar stupid shit, I hate knowing that you are going through this. No more phone calls, no more e-mails, no more IM’s. Block, ignore, hang up. Be done with him. You don’t deserve to be taken advantage of. There are men out there who can appreciate a good woman. Get rid of this little boy, now and forever.

Your Friend,
The Dirtiest Earthworm

7

Aaaaaauuuuugg!!!

Darnit, pun, you’re right! I feel so ashamed. I was actually quoting (sort of) the scene in the first season of “The Wonder Years” when Kevin’s girlfriend is breaking with him in the hallway at school. If you recall (if you were born then :wink: ) there was lots of “Kevin as an adult” narration in the show. The scene went something like this.

She: But we can still be…

Adult Kevin (interrupting): Don’t say it!

She: …friends.

Adult Kevin: Augh! She said it! The “f-word” that was the death knell for any chance of reconciliation. We weren’t going to be friends and she knew it.

Kevin: Sure.

Of course, your reference is dead on, and more towards popular culture. Next time you see me, please flog me with a wet noodle. Heck, you can flog me with whatever tickles your fancy. :wink:

Humbled,
Spritle

8

I dunno, I’m still friends with a few of my ex-boyfriends. Had a couple of them at my wedding, even. :slight_smile:

9

Actually, guys, the hacking dude was Nocturne’s ex, and not mine. Mine couldn’t hack if his bloody LIFE depended on it.

As far as being friends go. . .outside of the homework thing, it’s going fine. We were friends before this, and we’d been together/broken up before, too. It’s just that being asked for homework help is. . .ah. . .one of my pet peeves. It comes from being one of the “smart kids” back in elementary school.

Plus he still has my Dogma DVD, which I want back very badly ;).

I have other bitter comments to make, but this isn’t the best environment in which to do so.

10

Note to self: any time I doubt why I love Spritle so much, all I need do is read his above post.

Yes, I was born when Wonder Years was being broadcast (reruns, anyway:D), and I think I remember the ep in question. The mainstay, I think, of that show, and one thing that made it SO vastly different from any other show (and what added a lot of meaning, at least for me) was the narration. It was hilarious, it was well-placed and timed, and it just … was comforting, really.

This in particular…

Now, you’re a married man with a wife and everything, right? Cuz…if Miriam were to walk in on us, there might be some confusion and stuff. I mean…

Er…

Look! Over there!

::runs out of thread::

11

No offense, Patrick, but how in the hell were you born when The Wonder Years was being broadcast-in reruns, no less? The show started in the late 80s! Unless you went through some sort of time warp…

:confused:

12

The “homework wench” committment remains as long as there is any relationship what-so-ever, including a platonic relationship.

However, once you move from romantic to platonic, you no longer have a committment to provide correct answers when functioning as a “homework wench” – any answers will do now, even bad answers.

13

pun, bubbie, The Wonder Years aired from March 1988 to September 1993. I know your age (and birthday :slight_smile: and can tell you that you were definately alive when it was aired. You might have been at the youngish age where you were more interested in watching other things, though.

Dear AotL,

I’m sorry to create such a complete hijack of your thread. I’ll stop now. Sorry also about the whole “Angel of the Lord/curse like a sailor/irony thing”, I just found it kind of cute. (I hade a similar thing with a different poster (whom you know) who cursed a blue streak in a rant about what went on in his/her church.)

Also, I like your sig. Is it new or did you just not use it in your OP?

Spritle

14

I’ve had the sig for a while actually. . .you just inspired me to use it. :slight_smile:

15

The Pit isn’t athe best enviroment for bitter comments???

16

Meh, those are more of the bitchy, getting-over-a-broken-heart nature. They’re not at all amusing to read, and I would feel kind of uncomfortable sharing them here.

Perhaps I could use them to hijack a GQ thread? ducks and runs

:smiley: