People always need a little time to themselves and there’s nothing wrong with that.
Having said that, however, it sounds to me like you are not much more than a selfish jerk. You like having a beautiful woman on your arm, your meals taken care of, regular sex, etc, but you want the freedom to act as though you were single. YOU want the romance novel? How about HER? Maybe it would be nice for her to have the perfect-looking man who is 100% loyal, who treats her with perfect consideration, who can go all night and make sure she’s perfectly satisfied before he finishes and who’s rich, to boot. And would NEVER look at another woman with more than passing interest, or envy his single friends, but realize how very blessed he is to have a woman like her in his life.
You can believe, too, that she is probably VERY aware of your resentment toward spending your time with her–resentment you’d never feel about spending hours on end with “the guys.” And I bet she’d love to have some freedom to make decisions without YOUR input, too.
Her life has most likely changed FAR more than yours has–at least it’s that way in my experience. And most of the books I’ve read about relationships seem to hold the woman primarily responsible for the happiness of BOTH parties in them. So I have little sympathy for the idea that marriage is SOOOOOO hard for a man to live in. It’s work for both men and women–but it’s something worth working for. It means that you have to be as concerned with the welfare of someone else as you are with your own, and frankly, it sounds to me like you’re just not willing to do that.
Touching sarcasm, a bit of biting righteous anger and some rough handling. I think I’m in love.
As for the OPer, as much as I appreciate Mayflower’s sentiments, I would try to phrase them a bit more gently. Talk to this woman you supposedly love and see if you love her as a person. If you are just using her, you need to stop it and now. If you honestly want to make this work (read: enjoy the marriage, it is supposed to be a good thing.) get some of your own space. A room, Friday night, something anything and do whatever you want with it.
As much as I love being with people I love, I need time to myself. Nothing against them, I’m just fiercely independant and I will GO NUTS if not left alone on occassion, either to stew and gripe at myself or play silly Kathryn games or mess around with other friends. I know I need this and I know that mounting feelings of “love, you’re too close” are not the fault of m’love or even me. I just need my own space.
At least one of you finally admits it. I’m sick and tired of all the hunting and fishing shows that tout the sport as a “GREAT FAMILY ACTIVITY.” What a crock of shit! Everyone knows that most of you only do it because you despise spending time with your wives and would rather go through Japanese water torture than actually show them you love them.
Don’t get me wrong, my husband hunts and goes fishing as much as he can during the season and I don’t mind that at all. Everyone needs a little alone time. But you know what? I don’t get to go around with my head in the clouds all the time either. And the “alone time” I get is usually just on the one evening a week where he watches our kids so I can go grocery shopping. Big thrill, let me tell you.
The great thing about my husband is that he actually gives a shit about me. And what’s more, I give a shit about him! I don’t mean we just ENDURE one another until the next time we can go out with our friends and rip each other to shreds. We have alone time and that’s great, but we also love our together time and don’t view it so scornfully as you seem to. And no, treating a woman with respect and love doesn’t mean he’s “henpecked” like a lot of “men” believe. He’s a TRULY loving husband and father that doesn’t put his desires above everyone and everything else in the universe. No husband or wife should do that.
If man would rather have his balls in a vise than spend time with his wife, then he doesn’t love her and he doesn’t like her. I don’t care how great the sex is or how beautiful she is. A man like that only loves HIMSELF.
And by the way, if you don’t like making personal sacrifices, don’t EVER have any kids, with ANY woman. From the moment they’re born, you’ve given up YOU and everything is about them. Oh you can be a selfish prick and leave their upbringing to your wife–whether you stay with the one you have or trade her in for someone else–but no one is going to congratulate you for that like they do when you turn your back on your wife for selfish reasons. And you can’t divorce your kids, even if you do run off and leave them in the dust along with all your promises. Shag, I’m sorry if I sound too harsh because I don’t mean to be unkind. I’m just so tired of people thinking marriage is the worst prison ever built and doing the best they can to spread that BS around. No, not everyone is meant to be in pairs, but it’s a little late for you to be thinking about that now. You ARE married. That was YOUR choice and YOU made promises that you should keep. No one held a gun to your head and forced you to marry her. (Did they? ) Don’t let a good thing go to waste because you’re bored, because all the “I don’t want to hurt you’s” won’t mean squat if you run away. It will hurt her. When you go out with your friends, do it because you just want to let off some steam, not because you want to tear her apart behind her back. And hey, why not try to build a friendship with HER too? It just might make things a little more interesting for both of you.
I love being married. Whenever I think about it I wonder why the hell I waited so many years before I proposed to the woman who is now Mrs. Cliffy. If you don’t feel that way, you need to do something about it.
As it happens, yes - both Mrs. Bricker and I feel that divorce is simply not possible.
Much of this is religious: we both believe that nothing can dissolve a valid, sacramental marriage. But that’s not the whole story; devout Catholics though we both are, even the Church permits a civil divorce and church-sanctioned separation. But while we fully recognize that we may encounter rough times ahead, neither of us is ever willing to throw away the marriage. We didn’t get married young - I was 37 and my wife 31 - and we knew we meant what we said at the altar.
I am very lucky I found her - and, in fairness, she’s lucky she found me.
) Don’t let a good thing go to waste because you’re bored, because all the “I don’t want to hurt you’s” won’t mean squat if you run away. It will hurt her. When you go out with your friends, do it because you just want to let off some steam, not because you want to tear her apart behind her back. And hey, why not try to build a friendship with HER too? It just might make things a little more interesting for both of you. 
