I like my husband, we have infrequent but okay sex, and he is a good dad to our toddler son. We both work part-time. But I often think I would prefer to live alone.
I am just so tired all the time. I like my husband, but I don’t love him, if I ever did. I was just in love with him, and he does have many good qualities.
But I don’t feel the love for him that I feel for my son or my two best friends; I define love as that feeling that whatever I do for them, I do for me. It is just so natural to want to help them, and they have the same for me. I sometimes just wished I could live with my BFF instead of my husband.
With my husband, it used to be natural from my side, but that feeling is gone. Instead I feel that he likes to take care of himself, and he expects me to take care of myself, and if there are mutual benefits, that is fine.
But I feel like a fool for taking care of him, and doing about 100 % of his share of the communal work, and a lot of care that he probably doesn’t even see as care, just as meddling.
We have a lot of squabbling going on along the lines of “will this come out of your of mine paycheck/me time”?
We don’t have that much mutual respect; he often ignores/disregards my contributions and I do the same with his remarks outside of his area of expertise.
I don’t know where to go from here. As I said, I don’t hate him. But living like this is a drag. I would love more me-time. I love our house.
He likes his life with me and likes to stay married to me. I have told him my feelings. But he prefers to see them as fleeting, hormonal, not fundamental. He sees me most of the time as fun and sweet. He certainly doesn’t feel a huge need to change, or the alarm that might prompt us to seek couples therapy. Neither do I, I don’t believe couples therapy would change anything for longer then two weeks. That is just the way he is. It is divorce or accept what is. Or me working less, but we can’t really afford that, I think.
Neither of us has another love interest lined up. I sometimes dream about him finding a ladyfriend and moving in with her: then we wouldn’t have double housing costs and he could take our son a part of the week. I doubt that I would miss him romantically.
I think I would date again then; I like living with a man I love. I have enough to offer to attract someone decent. And I can’t pay for this house alone in a comfortable way. I even considered that I should initiate finding a man to replace my husband. But when I scan dating sites, I become discouraged and finding another guy just seems like an chore.
Thanks for listening to my rambling. I know I sound cold and that in this rambling I don’t take the needs of our son into account.
Advice and even kicks in my butt are welcome.