If a guy can get a word in edgewise…
Each month I gladly write the child support check to my ex-wife. It’s money owed my son. If he needs something extra, I’ll gladly cough it up.
This attitude earns me the right to see my son (at least that’s the little cubbyhole this thought is filed under in my head).
Not all us guys are shitheads. I may have been a louse as a husband, but my ex insists I’m a great father.
My $.02 ladies.
Good for you, Chief Scott. My dad had to pay a lousy $15/week/kid when I was growing up, and he almost never did it. He was happy to take the full bragging rights, and he made sure to put our school pictures up on his desk so he could show 'em to his friends, but when it came to the nitty-gritty DIRTY part of being a parent he was nowhere to be found. My mother had the opportunity to throw him in jail a dozen times, and she never took it. I think she was nuts, but then again the courts weren’t as proactive then than they are now. She just got worn out trying to keep after him.
And yes, some men can be lousy husbands and great fathers. My mother’s 2nd husband (after she divorced my dad) fit that bill.
“It’s not burnt. It’s Cajun!” - Christopher A. Evans
Beeruser wrote:
Naw, no need to go that far … a simple vasectomy should do the trick.
Speaking of which …
Is there a way for a man to significantly reduce his average testosterone level, without getting castrated? I mean, does testosterone come out of the testes in a single pipe (like sperm do) which could be surgically clamped or cut? Or do the testes just release testosterone into their general blood supply, giving off a little into each and every capillary routing through them?
I’m not flying fast, just orbiting low.
you fellows sound like the ex-husband I WANTED to have… 
I have honestly tried to never use the kids as a weapon, and I wont tell them what dad is up to, but I believe this ignoring the kids and stiffing me is all connected to the fact that I am finally in a relationship with someone other than him.
the truly tragic part of this is that he was agood dad once. I was working graveyard shift, and he was not working at all, and he got to be the primary caregiver…thus bonding in a way that only the primary caregiver can.
They really miss him.In a way I want to hurt him for hurting them, but I REALLY just want him to be consistent…visit often or not at all.(often preferably)
When we split for good, Jan 1st, 1998, he took one child every weekend overnight, alternating between them. I got solo time with each one, and so did he.It was great.
sigh why does he have to be like this…
he wont come around while he owes me money, so the kids wont see him until the end of september.that will be 2 MONTHS!! since the last visit or call.
I am not going to restrict his visits…I have thought long and hard about it, and while I cant MAKE him visit, I wont be the excuse he uses for not visiting. The kids will have to come to their own conclusions about their father.
Now, to all the fathers out there who visit and call their children, pay their support on time, or work it off around the house…whatever…your effort will make your children into better people-GOOD FOR YOU!! pat pat, this is me giving you a pat on the back for putting them first, I am proud of you.
And, while we’re at it, kudos to all the custodial fathers who take care of the kids mom walked out on.
(face red)
you are so right…applause for the parents (gender non-specific) who do the right thing as best they can.
im having difficulties understanding the fact that you have to depend on your ex to pay you himself!
where i live the govenment pay you, then charge your ex for the money, and if he doesnt pay hes having troubles with the government, not you. you still get paid…
now aint that nice of em
bj0rn
bjorn, here’s a funny story. The domestic relations courts and administration where I used to live (Lake Co., Ohio) was, at some time, so woefully slow and inefficient that my mother and father agreed between themselves to, rather than have him send his payments to the court and wait for them to be distributed, send them to my mother, so she could take them to the courthouse and just let the d.r. court log them as paid.
Well, after a while she stopped taking the checks to the courthouse, so they had no record of the payments. Then (despite the fact that my mother was then cohabiting and still receiving alimony, breaking the divorce agreement), she had the gall to sue my father for unpaid alimony and child support. Unfortunately for her, he kept every single one of the cancelled checks, and buried her in court, winning a judgement against her for the alimony paid all the years she was cohabiting.
pl, good for your dad. Men seem to get the brunt of the bad press when it comes to divorce, child care issues and such but I’ve know plenty of women that were definately the guilty party. Again, good for your dad. Smart man.
ditto…good for your dad.
Moms like her give the rest of us a bad name…(no offence to you pl)
Kells-bells articulated:
“Now, to all the fathers out there who visit and call their children, pay their support on time, or work it off around the house…whatever…your effort will make your children into better people-GOOD FOR YOU!! pat pat, this is me giving you a pat on the back for putting them first, I am proud of you.”
If I may freely plagiarize:
Now, to all the mothers out there whose ex husbands visit and call their children, pay their support on time, or work it off around the house…whatever…your efforts **in making his children available to him when he can see them is admirable.**pat pat, this is me giving you a pat on the back for putting them first, I am proud of you.
Long story… possibly another thread… don’t feel like delving into the damaged psyche of a child-deprived father just now…
{{{Moms like her give the rest of us a bad name.}}}—kell
{{{Men seem to get the brunt of the bad press when it comes to divorce, child care issues and such but I’ve know plenty of women that were definately the guilty party. }}}—BunnyGirl
Gently:
No Kell, those Moms give good Dads a bad name–one that they don’t deserve.
Bunny, it’s no accident that this happens. Most folks are not interested in the truth of a divorce–it is messy business. It’s tragic that the legal system can’t seem to recognize the appropriate Moms as the guilty party–it happens that this is the case more often than most poeple would like to believe. Nowdays it’s PC to use broad strokes paint the guy as the evil entity in a dissolution, and the courts are all too ready to believe the lies. In the end, it’s the children that suffer, and the fathers are blamed for it.
Look, I don’t expect anyone to understand the perceptual transformation, from a loving father into a non-entity, that takes place through the process of dissolution; and it’s difficult to comprehend the underclass status of the divorced father, unless you have lived that life yourself.
Sorry ladies, while I realize that there are more than enough asshole ex-hubbies out there, I also know from experience that there are more than enough despicable women out there who use their children as hostage meal-tickets–reducing them to mere commodities.
I don’t have the words to describe such women adequately, and I won’t use the words that do come to mind at the moment; nor will I paint women involved in divorce proceedings with the unthinking broad strokes of a brush that dehumanizes them.
–Kalél
Common ¢ for all ages…
“Well, there was that thing with the Cheese-Wiz…but I’m feeling much better now!” – John Astin, Night Court
update…
its tuesday, yesterday was frankie’s birthday, and shitboy didnt even call.
sigh
I was not really surprised…at least frankie didnt ask for him.
kell, screw your ex! I mean, screw him up, please! One thing’s the money, another the child’s feelings, ask me, I should know. Kids do not ask if Daddy’s paid the month’s alimony, they ask if he’s coming to the party.
Ten years ago my ex-wife and my kids moved to Canada, where she remarried. 2100 miles away from me, straight line. It takes me 24 hours to get to their town, and I’ve visited with my kids every other month since then, no matter what. I’ve spent a fortune in phone bills, hotels, car rentals, meals at restaurants, etc. And every single cent has been worth it.
My sons are happy kids (one of them lives with mr now), I have a very good relation with my ex and her family. Her two little daughters (from the second marriage) call me “Poppy”, which is their own version of “Papi” (Dad in Spanish, which is what my sons call me). And it has been easy to achieve this. All it takes is a little bit of love and patience and common sense.
It frustrates me to see parents (or anyone, for that matter) avoiding their responsabilities, and then complaining about others being irresponsible.
I feel like I can rant about this for hours, but what I really want is to ask you to please say Happy Birthday! to your son. From me, and from the rest of the SDers (sorry if I’m speaking for others, but I feel I can do it this time).
¡Feliz Cumpleaños, Frankie!
thanks…24 hours to reach them, and you still visit, you are an example to others to sat the least.
Where in canada are they?
Kenora, Northern Ontario. At the northern edge of Lake of the Woods. A beautiful little town, but freezing hell in the winter time!
It’s some hundred and so miles east of Winnipeg.
And you know what the best part of all this is? My children speak, read, and write both English and Spanish fluently. They have learned how to behave and deal with both cultures (Canadian and Mexican). They have a nice, loving family in both countries.
I actually think they are very lucky kids. Their mother loves them, their stepdad (whom they call Dad, and he deserves it) loves them, they get to travel and make friends all over, they are loved and protected and growing healthy, which was, is and will be my main concern always.
All it took was to realize that (for my ex and myself) good friends make better parents than lousy lovers. So we decided to remain good friends. And it works.
I wish everybody was as lucky as I’ve been.
your situation has nothing to do with luck my friend…it has everything to do with hard work, sacrifices, putting petty stuff aside for the kids, swallowing your tongue when a sharp comment is right there on the tip of your tongue…you have a good heart, and every reason to be proud of the awesome gift you have given your children.
Luck?..no, I think not.
ps, I would be thrilled to have children and then break up with you…(joke)
Kells-Bells, E1skeptic –
How do I go about puttin’ you two gals in touch with my ex?
kellibelli: Thanks! I’m blushing… <FONT FACE=“WINGDINGS”>J</FONT>
Chief: Is she pretty? What’s her e-mail? kidding…!! but… doesn’t she insists in saying that you’re a great Dad?
ooooops… that little face should’ve looked like this: <FONT FACE=“WINGDINGS” SIZE=“12” COLOR=“RED”>J</FONT>