I hate him. Truly. I wish his violent and extremely painful death on a daily basis. I fervently desire to see his entrails slithering down I-95 while drawn and quartered on his new car. Violent imagery cannot fully explain how much I hate this man. He should be eliminated.
The reason, you ask? He’s useless. Completely and totally without excuse. Worthless as a human being. Worthless as a father. Worthless in that he gives all men a bad name.
My most recent complaint deals with our son who is 7. My son has dealt with the disappointment over the years at the hands of his paternal biological DNA donor, but this flipping tears it. The jerk didn’t even call the boy on his birthday. No card. No happy birthday. Nothing. And this is typical.
Now, before you accuse, the man is not destitute. He pays very little child support and has a very nice job. He simply does not have the time of day to give to his child. Might I also add that my son is the first of three by as many different women. Perhaps he gets all of the birthdates confused.
Oh how I hate him. It’s becoming more and more difficult to control my venom in front of my child. When he’s promised something by society’s leach who then renegs, it breaks my heart as well as my son’s. That’s really flipping low.
I can’t stand him. I hope he spends his next lives as house flies in a flyswatter factory. I hope he contracts a particularly nasty venereal disease and his favorite little toy shrivels and falls off leaving a bloody stump. I hope all of his teeth fall out at the ripe old age of 35 and his gums begin to decay therefore forbidding the use of false teeth or partials.
I hope he meets his demise under the wheels of a speeding 18-wheeler with a far-sighted fool at the wheel who must reverse to ensure that he did indeed hit something.
Have you attempted to have the courts force this guy to pay up on child support? You can’t make him be there for your child and that may not be all that bad if he isn’t.
This guy obviously had some qualities you liked or you wouldn’t of married him and bore children with him. What was it about him that attracted you?
Every day? Geez, you’d think that once would do it. Some people are just over achievers. Besides, there are logistical difficulties. You might have to settle for just almost killing him every day.
Have you tried voodoo dolls? What the heck, it’s worth a shot. You could make it into a fun little research project, figure out just the right way to draw the pentagram, kill the chicken, etc. Who knows, if you get it all just right he could feel the sensation of a 3 foot long rusty needle waving through his guts. That’s gotta be worth something.
Take a dartboard and his photo to a specialty lithography place. Have 'em put a silver lining on it while they’re at it. I mean, it could be worse. He could still be there, right?
Speakeasy, you crack me up man. Though some would claim I was cracked to begin with…
Sheerah,
I understand completely, sister.
I like to refer to my ex as a ‘habitual impregnator’.
He’s got 4 ex wives and three of us have at least one kid by him.As a matter of fact, I didn’t know I was #3 until his mom told me, I thought I was the second.
He doesn’t pay his child support, has no time for his kids plus he enjoys calling me and harrassing me about the way I raise our son.
One ray of hope: Mine has recently offered to give up his parental rights.I am overjoyed.At least now my husband,the only real father my son has known, can adopt him.
I just comfort myself by knowing that what comes around goes around and one day he’ll get his come-uppance.
I know you don’t know me, but feel free to e-mail me if you just need to talk to someone who understands.
Well ladies, I had my ex fixed BEFORE I kicked his worthless ass to the curb.
He has missed both kids birthdays, and christmas. He was home in May, and promised the april birthday kid a gift - which he never got. He also owes me 4 months worth of child support for the year 2000. I hear he is getting married though, how nice…
I wonder if I can haver HER wages garnisheed if I cant find him…
Getting involved with a partner who has walked out on a previous relationship, especially when there are children,
seems to be frought with all manner of problems.
For a person like the man in the OP I wouldn’t be at all surprised if your hatred of him makes him feel important.
He may well try to come back into the childs life at a later stage, in the teens. I have seen this happen a couple of times.
The best way to hurt such a person is in the pocket, preferably good enough to cramp the lifestyle.
Sheerah, you were describing my father to the letter. His name isn’t Sam by any chance, is it? If so, he deserves worse.
Sheerah,
Jeez, were we married to the same guy?
Your ex sounds like mine.
Luckily, he is totally out of our lives now. I married a wonderful man who adopted my daughter. Her sperm donor father was more than happy to sign the papers giving up his parental right…no more child support, no more “wasting” his Sunday afternoons with visitation! He was thrilled!
As for money, go to court and hit him where it hurts…the wallet. You are entitled to child support, no matter what. Go in there and get him for all he’s worth. Many states now garnish the guy’s wages automatically. It’s getting harder for guys to skip out on child support. Your child is ENTITLED to it!
Also, don’t let him know how much you hate him. Don’t get really mad at him right in front of him. It just gives him the upper hand; like CasDave said, it makes him feel important.
Hey, I got an idea…
Let’s fix up your ex with mine. We could get some popcorn, sit back and watch what could be perhaps the most interesting show of all time.
Mooo-ha-ha-ha
dewt
Oh ya, to all you suggested using the legal system as a means to revenge. Please accept my most heartfelt and sincere go fuck yourselves. To be sure children have the right to be supported, and the courts are there for that. If the dude’s an asshole and won’t pay, by all means, get a good lawyer and fry his ass, but don’t do it for personal motives or you’ll find yourself living in the same spiritual trailer park as my ex.
sheerah, I understand your anger and heartache, completely.
My children’s father is not what we would call ideal. What I have learned to do is simply write him off. You said it yourself, he simply does not have the want to make time for his child. All your anger and rage and tears can not change that. Forget about him. Your son is 7, I understand he may want to see his father. If so, tell him to call his father and try to make arrangements. Let him be told firsthand by his father that he can’t spend time with him, instead of hearing it from you. Or perhaps he might actually make plans. Either way, your son knows it is not your doing he is not spending time with his father, or he gets to spend a weekend with him.
All you can really do is buffer and make things as painless for your child as possible. It’s not fair, I know I’ve been doing it for 13 years now, but in the end your son is what matters, and nobody said life is fair.
I have never really posted about my boys’ father, as I could not stand to subject these poor readers to such disturbing stories, but I will say this, I have read others posts, and this man by far is low-man on the totem pole, true filth. I am currently owed $34,000. in child support.
He has locked his children out of his house in the dead of winter.
He has told them they are not allowed to eat at his house.
He has not bought them birthday or christmas presents in at least 5 years. He has done countless horrible , hurtful things. Sometimes my children get upset, but mostly, they love him because he is their father. They show him respect because I simply will not allow them to act any other way toward any adults, especially their parents. I loathe this man, but my children see us as friends, because seeing such anger will only hurt them more.
But what I have is the future, I have the knowledge that in mere years my children, with age and wisdom, will look back on these childhood years with full comprehension. They will know who was there for them and who was not. All I can do until that time is be the best mother I can be. That is all the advice you will need to get you through these rough times. I wish you and your son all the best.
Well this is my theory…if he can’t be at least a half assed weekend dad then he can help me make the child’s life a little more financially pleasurable. Take the jerk back to court for more child support. It isn’t as good as having him behave like a father but a little monetary compensation won’t make things any worse for your son. My X didn’t pay child support for 6 years. I didn’t make him. He wasn’t much of a help in the financial area when we were married. (One reason I left him.) But when he refused to take his son to his basketball game on his Saturday that was the last straw. His daughter had been playing basketball and softball for 5 years by then and he had never seen her play. That weekend he told me that he had errands to run. I got fed up. He had a good job by then but was always putting us off and giving me excuses why he didn’t have any money to give us. So that Monday I went and filed for support. It took awhile to get the paper work delivered but now he pays his child support through Child Support Enforcement, payroll deduction. He’s also become a little better father lately. Took his son fishing last weekend for a change instead of renting him movies. Came over and picked up the kids bike to fix a flat about a month ago. He lost his daughter two years ago, she won’t go over there but once in a blue moon. Guess he’s got a clue that he might alienate his son too if he doesn’t get with the program a little better.
Anyway, yours may never get any better. Next time call him a few days ahead of time and remind him. I know he shouldn’t have to be reminded but that’s your son and if you have to keep the jerk in line so your baby doesn’t get hurt then it’s sucks but it has to be done. Take him back for more child support he can at least do that for his child.
Needs2know
[QUOTE]
Dewt wrote:
Oh ya, to all you suggested using the legal system as a means to revenge. Please accept my most heartfelt and sincere go fuck yourselves.
[QUOTE]
Well, Dewt, no offense, but go screw your own self. You have no right to judge when you don’t know the story.
When my ex and I separated, I asked for $60 a week. He could well afford a measly $60 each week.
He refused, and offered me $20.
We went back and forth like that for weeks; it ended with him telling me to get a lawyer and sue him, because he “knew” he didn’t have to pay me more than $20 a week.
Fine. In Maryland, CS cases are handled by the courts, no lawyers need to be involved. I went to where ever it was I had to (sorry, it was a while ago and I forget) and filed the necessary papers. We got a court date. The judge looked at his papers, looked at mine, banged his gavel and ordered my ex to pay me $90 bucks a week, and ordered it retroactive to the time we separated.
He screwed himself out of that extra $30 bucks a week by refusing to coorperate with me.
He got even with me, though, by slashing my tires and smashing my windshield. Nice guy, huh?
He also has switched jobs, on purpose, to avoid paying, and taken jobs just over the state line so Maryland can’t find him. He has had to spend 2 weekends in jail (for 2 separate offenses) for being deceptive to avoid paying.
Just for the record, I never asked for or received alimony.
When I remarried, my ex assumed he wouldn’t have to pay CS anymore. He was furious when he found out he still had to pay, even though my new husband made twice as much as he did. He never did understand why he had to pay chld support since I was remarried.
When my husband and I began the process for him to adopt my daughter, my ex owed me about $5,000 in back CS. My ex mistakenly believed this would absolve him of that debt. Since the adoption, 3 years ago, I have gotten about $1,000 of that. I know I will never see the rest of it.
Don’t tell me I am living in a spiritual trailer park for demanding CS. My ex went out of his way to avoid paying. I was just getting what was due to my child.
Well, I know this is none of my business, but Kinsey, you should note that dewt specifically says (in the sentence following the one you quoted):
“If the dude’s an asshole and won’t pay, by all means, get a good lawyer and fry his ass”
This certainly sounds like what you had to deal with. dewt was warning against taking someone to court out of revenge, not necessity, something he is more than qualified to preach against:
http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=30608
Hang in there, everybody.
You know it Kinsey…When the kids and I moved out of my mother’s 3 years after the separation I asked my X for 75.00 a week. That would cover the day care for my son. He paid it for about a month. One Saturday he and his GF (now wife) came to pick up the kids. He tells me…“If I’m gonna be paying you child support now then I need a break on my taxes.” After three years of zippo and I took all the credit cards and medical bills when we separated you can imagine what I said…“Do I look like the damned IRS?!” He was pissed because his idiot box GF had taken her X back to court and agreed to let him take the kid ever other year on his taxes. Anyway, he didn’t pay after that just handing me money like 50 bucks very infrenquently. When I took him to court the judge made him pay 100 a week, even though I told the judge that I had only asked for 75. I make more than him so he told him his portion was 35%. That would also be 35% of medical and dental expenses, which I never bother with since I have the insurance. The judge told me I needn’t feel guilty because I make more money than he does. Before we left court that day the judge told him “Buddy you need to work with this woman, you’re a lucky man.”
I don’t know about Maryland, but in VA you are entitled to that back child support regardless. I have heard of people recieving awards after the children are 18. I can understand though how you might just want to let it rest and get on with your life. I probably would myself. I never intended to force my X to pay and the kids were seeing him almost every other weekend. I know one thing that child support has come in handy, it’s made our lives just a little easier.
Needs2know
Sounds like you married my father, sheerah.
Don’t worry, you will be rewarded eventually. When I get my (maybe) once a year phone call from my father, I remind him that that no one is willing to take care of him or pay for his nursing home when he’s old and feebile. I did offer to walk him into the woods, though.
My mother, on the other hand, is cherished, loved and adored by all of us kids and his relatives (she doesn’t have any living relatvies). People weren’t ignorant of the situation and she has enough love and support to make her sick.
Please remind yourself that you and your kids are better off without him!
Ok, Dewt, I take it back. 
Sorry. I read the other thread, and your ex sounds like my hubby’s 1st wife. She was a psychotic bitch, too! She and my hubby had a child together, she left him and baby when baby was 6 months old. I have since adopted her, just as hubby adopted my daughter and we have a son together. Call us the Brady Bunch!
Dewt said on his other post: (the one linked by ReservoirDog:
Ooooh, I heard the same voices!!! You need to learn to LISTEN to them! They’re usually right.
Needs2Know…yes, I know I am entitled to the rest of what he owed me up till hubby adopted her, but since he seems to have disappeared off the face off the earth, I’m not holding my breath. My husband’s ex-wife also owes us money, but we’ll probably never see that either. If it keeps both of them out of our (and the kid’s) lives, then it’s a small price to pay.
I’ve known of several mothers that would rather go it alone financially than have their children’s fathers be involved. One of them in particular does not like his lifestyle and will not her child spend more than occasional Saturday with him.
As for fathers that leave and do nothing…I had one of them, alcoholic for years, married 6 times. (Like being the daughter of Henry VIII but when he dies you don’t get to be a queen!) I saw him about a month ago. I called his machine, left a message. He came by and spent Sunday afternoon with me. I cooked for him. I hadn’t heard from him in a year. My mother resents it a little because despite the fact that he never paid a dime or did a thing for me I’m nice to him anyway. I explain it to everyone like this…for years it hurt me terribly. I often wondered what could be so wrong with me that he didn’t love me or want to see me or call me on Christmas and birthdays. He’d come in and out of my life off and on after I was 12. Even now if he is inbetween women he will come around more often. He gets lonely. I don’t know why I don’t hate him or resent him anymore. He doesn’t drink anymore and that makes it easier. He’s still obnoxious, brain damaged I’m sure from all the years of hard drinking. I do know that it makes it easier for me not to hate him. It doesn’t eat at me anymore. I’m his only child and he never saw me grow up. He does tell me often what a fine little woman I turned out to be. He could spend a little time now and then with his only grandchildren but he doesn’t. Have they missed anything by him not being in their lives, no I don’t think so. Will I be there for him if he gets sick or dies, yes. Because for me it will be the right thing to do. I’m his only child, his next of kin. Just because he was a silly man that lead an empty life of drink and going from one silly women to another, doesn’t mean that I have to be vindictive. He’s the one that missed out really. Just because he was never capable of doing the right thing doesn’t mean his daughter grew up to be that way too. He is my father and I can’t change that.
Needs2know
I’m sorry sheera.
It will come back to bite him in the ass. When your
son is older he will know who was there for them and who was not. It will hurt your ex immensly in the future when your
son will justifiably have no time for him.
My mother sued my father once for unpaid child support but it didn’t help much since the lawyers took most of the settlement.
best wishes to you
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Kinsey *
Ok, Dewt, I take it back.
S’ok. (Darn, and I had a great flame lit up for you!)
**
Ooooh, I heard the same voices!!! You need to learn to LISTEN to them! They’re usually right.**
No kidding on that one. I should have run screaming from that church.
I’m sorry about your ex. It burns me up when I think about that shit. My dad was mostly a no-show too. Bastard. I think that’s why I’m such a determined dad.