Useless Ex-husbands

The BBQ Pit
21

Sheerah, I sympathize with you, and your situation. I agree with a few previous posters about not showing your anger to your child (or your ex). I disagree with one poster - about showing respect to the idjit considered father. He deserves tolerance from you, but no respect. If your son grows up and decides to give him respect, it would be wrong to get in the way. But it is not your job now to teach your son respect for that bum. OK, maybe politeness, but no further. Certainly not the respect a good father would get.

If you teach your son to respect this idjit even though he has none for either of you, then the boy may grow up and think it’s OK to act that way.

I wish you good luck in raising your son, and good fortune.

22

trad- I never said I respected the son-of-a-bitch.
And I honestly do see your point and agree with you 100% about children thinking a certain behavior is OK when clearly it is not. that has been another hardship of having an asshole as the parent of my children, explaining how I do not dislike their father, but sometimes I dislike his actions. Kids can know the difference if taught. It sucks, they shouldn’t have to go through this, I say to myself all the time. But I can’t change the way this man thinks and that is a fact.
And as I bite my tongue and my blood boils sometimes I do demand that my children respect their father, or at least I have in the past, as you said it becomes their respect to give and as my children grow, they see the dick for what he is and that respect does dwindle. That is disheartening in itself. Sure, I say, I know they will come to realize what an ass he is, but I hate that they have to come to that realization. I wish with all my heart that they could have a decent loving father. And now they do, in a loving, kind, generous, caring step-father.

23

If we are to believe everything being said about worthless ex’s, it kind of begs a question; what possessed you women to invite these scumbags into your lives in the first place? Are you admitting to a complete and total lack of judgement when it comes to men? Or is/was your self esteem so low that you figured that was the best you could do?

It sounds as if you expect us to believe that your ex’s were on the one hand, disreputable, irresponsible and completely without redeeming human value, but on the other hand so beguiling an irresistable you couldn’t see that they were Trouble in the first place. If so, you all reflect pretty poorly on your gender.

I’m not apologizing for the less desirable members of the male species; God knows there are a lot of assholes out there (and many of them are men). I’m just wondering why they never seem to have a problem taking advantage of women.

Anybody care to step up to the plate on this one? If you would rather not confront your own weaknesses, by all means, FLAME ON; I can take it, if it makes you feel better.

24

FTR, I personally don’t give a rat’s ass what you believe.And it is quite big of you to allow me to ‘flame’(read ‘disagree’) in order to make myself feel better.
[sarcasm]
Oh, I don’t know, Fear.You are probably right.
I mean, men certainly don’t ever lie, do they? Really. Men - being the superior beings that they are, would never stoop to deception to get what they want, would they?
And lord knows, women are sure stoopid. They actually ** believe** what men tell them, ** until** they have a reason not to.Seems like we set ourselves up to get screwed, huh?I really think if I were a more cynical,untrusting person I would have attracted a much better mate.
Perhaps if I had just required potential dates to fill out a background check before hand, none of this would have happened.Maybe a private investigator would be effective.

And men never find themselves being lied to or betrayed, do they?Men, being wholly infallable, always pick the most trustworthy women to marry.Men never find themselves being deceived by women, hmm?

You also make a very good point about women and weaknesses.I myself have so many, it’s hard to pin down just a few for the sake of this discussion.But I will try.

3B mama’s weaknesses:

An instinct to trust - This is a bad one.This particular one has led not only to my ill fated marriage to the X but also to such horrid things as friendship,belief in the inherent good in mankind and (gasp) religion.If only I could be rid of this one.
A desire to love and be loved - That just looks terrible in print, doesn’t it?Jeez, what a wussy I am.I know no self respecting man would allow himself to harbor this one.
A basic need for human companionship - This weakness shows how truly fucked up I must be.Obviously the only rational thing to do would be to find a cave and become a hermit.What a fool I have been!
Lack of functional mind reading skills - Oh, the shame.I definitely should have tried harder to glean his intentions through ESP.I can’t believe I let this slip by.
[/sarcasm]
Could you please clarify one thing?
Why would you come into a thread where the women’s chief complaint was that by being such scumbags these men are hurting their children - and slam the women?

Is concern for ones children and the ability to feel empathy just another weakness we have?

Since you have opened the door to assumptions, I will now share mine with you.
I am assuming that because you show such contempt for women and felt the need to overlook the actual topic of this thread in order to get a jab in,IE - the kids who are being screwed by these sleazeballs, that you yourself must either be :

A.One of these guys
or
B.Just a jerk

Only an insensitive weakling would come and add insult to injury as you have.You sicken me.The choices made by the women here are not the subject of this discussion.The behaviour of the men is.
I, of my own free will, married and had a child with a man who proved to be unworthy.I accept full responsibility for that decision.
This man, like the other men mentioned here, has, of his own free will chosen to ignore his responsibilities to the child he helped create.To insinuate that his behaviour is somehow my fault is despicable.

None of these women has posted here saying what pain they felt for themselves .It is the pain being caused to our children that we have complained about.

You have gained the honor of being the first person I have ever said this to:

Go squick yourself.

25

You go Bunny!!!..

Needs2know

26

Fear, on behalf of no one in fucking particular, fuck you very much.

After what I have had to go through this weekend involving MY ex and his lying, whoring new wife and what they are doing with my son during his ONE FUCKING MONTH OF VISITATION PER YEAR I am about ready to advertise in Cicero that I am in the market for a fucking hitman. In 7 years, I have received ONE check for $1200. Seems to me that works out to about $14.29 per month to help out with expenses. Yet, my SON should not be the victim here - his father is a no good, lying, mind fucking, no good, lazy assed, wife beating son of a bitch, but his SON loves him. So no, I will not hurt his SON because of who HE is.

It was MY mistake to get involved with the little whoremaster, but oh - God - wonder if he could have LIED? Wonder if he could have MISREPRESENTED himself? Wonder if he just SUCKED AS A HUMAN BEING AND I WAS TOO NAIVE TO KNOW IT?

See ya Serlin. And yeah, that’s me giving you the finger fuckwad.

27

… you’ll be able to drop the charade and unload on the christless limpdick.

Ah yes, there’s the rub. It’s the (relatively) innocent young kids that mostly do it, when it’s really a dirty old lawyer’s game.

28

psycat90,

Now it’s my turn to agree 100%. I know how tough this can be. I have to fight my own instincts (being a typical male) to raise my voice when I disagree with my wife and our son is present. I don’t want him to learn my bad habits. Although we both can tell him that ‘mom or dad were wrong’, and ‘this behaviour is not good so don’t repeat it’, it’s not enough. The example is always what you do, not what you say. So I know how much strength it takes to do what you are doing. And you’re right, kids should not have to go through it. But they do.

29

This subject makes me so f*cking mad. I completely accept a couple deciding that they don’t want to be married anymore. But for one of them to also decide they no longer want to be a decent parent anymore? It makes me sick that some men (and women, too) think that “moving out” means “no more responsibility for children.”

I’m wearing out my backspace key writing angry disjointed rants which try to explain why I think this is a sociological travesty. So I’ll stop that attempt and leave it with my heartfelt hope that there is reincarnation, and that these deadbeat parents come back as a tick who has to seek all its nourishment from sipping a piss-blood-semen-pus cocktail from the leprous scrotum of a gonorrheic yak.

30

My husband has a son from a previous relationship. He’s a good father, and visitation is pretty relaxed. Yes, there’s court papers, but they say visitation will be “reasonable,” but if it can’t be, there are carved-in-stone terms that we can follow.

My husband’s exGF has some problems. I think I know what’s wrong with her, but I’m not telling her that. No way. It’ll just make her get all wacky again, and right now, things are going pretty smoothly. My husband is behind on his official child support payments, but we’ve given her and the boy quite a bit of money over the last couple of months. Helped with groceries, utilities, and bought clothes & bikes for the boy and his older sister, who is not my husband’s biological daughter, but he’s the only “daddy” she knows. ExGF is not complaining.

ExGF can be a horrid bitch sometimes, and sometimes, I hate her. When she gets going, she’ll use the kids as pawns. It’s awful. Right now, though, she’s level.

My stepson loves me. I love him. He loves my family, and they love him too. My husband’s family lives too far away for the boy to see them very often, and exGF’s family is Jerry Springer’s wet dream. So completely dysfunctional they don’t even speak. So my family is the only family this kid’s got. They treat him like a normal kid. My parents think of him and treat him like a grandson. He refers to them as his grandparents.

Sigh. It’s not always the men. Most are kind, good, decent men who love their children very much, and most mothers are the same way. But sometimes, you get a real loser, and it blows big time.

31

Sorry it’s taken me so long to reply. I’ve worked 26 hours in the past two days and my on-line time has been greatly compromised. Such is the life of a single mom)
A few lines to some of the posters:
Psycat 90: Thanks so much for your words of encouragement. It really helps to know that one’s not alone in this type of situation and now I realize it’s much more prevalent than I previously thought. Feel free to e-mail me. I’d be glad to share horror stories with someone who has experienced some of the same trials and tribulations. Thanks again.
Fear Itself: I believe you asked --I’m working on no sleep here, bear with me-- whatever attracted me to this person and why did I have children with such a man. Facts are: 1. I was young (20) at the time and leaving what I felt was a bad home life-- little did I know. . . 2. Like most of the other posters, I was completely taken in by the usual spiel "I never did anything to deserve the treatment by my former girlfriends, wives, whores, etc., . . .3. At some point, my brain fried and I fell in love with him (I still don’t understand how or why.) Call it stupidity or naivete; but I fully take responsibility for the mistake in marrying him. I bristle however at his suggestion that our son was a mistake and no longer worth his time or effort.
CrankyAsAnOldMan: Interesting premonition. If you’re on good terms with any supreme beings, please put in a request for my X’s reincarnation to your intelligent and oh-so-well-deserved parasite. Thank you.

My son deals very well with the disappointments he’s experienced at the hands of his father, bless his heart. He’s a great little boy and I pity his father for not knowing him like I do.
I truly hope my son understands when he’s older that I have NEVER – Not ONCE-- tried to interfere with his relationship with his father. Nor have I ever placed restrictions on the time they spend together. I can only imagine what my X tells him when they are together. I’m probably the whore of Babylon simply because I feel my boy deserves better.
Oh, and for anyone whose X lives in the state of Virginia, did you know the courts there passed a law where deadbeat parents will have their driver’s licenses suspended until the payments are caught up? I don’t live in the state, but my X does. He’s up to date on the pitiful amount he sends each month, but I keep the newspaper article in my desk at work with a number of the child support division in Richmond.
Lastly, taking my husband back to court for more support would be a futile waste of time. When we divorced five years ago, he left his $40,000 a year job to take two part-time jobs so that he would pay less support. How’s that for screwing the system?
Thanks to all who offered their kind words and my heart goes out to all who face the same situations. To the parents who truly love being a parent, bless you; it’s the hardest job in the world.

32

[quote]
I like to refer to my ex as a ‘habitual impregnator’.
He’s got 4 ex wives and three of us have at least one kid by him.

[quote]
Yup. He just up and had three kids by himself. No help from the ladies.

33

How’s that for screwing himself? And his child? I don’t think ‘the system’ feels particularily screwed. I for one would love to make more money. Sure my payments would increase. Is there something wrong with that? I’d still be putting more $$$ in my pocket at the end of the week. And I’d be contributing more to my childs standard of living.

Ya, but the benefits are great. :slight_smile:

dewt