They may take away your toaster and Barbra CDs if you admit that in public - one of the two of you MUST be closeting a desire for Laura Ashley.
I am confused by other people’s bed-making habits. Case in point:
Why does it matter if the bed looks comfortable? And if it looks “nice” if no one is going to see it but you and whoever else sleeps there? Maybe it’s psychological.
First, don’t you move around in your sleep? I would kick them off the bed every night. Second, am I the only person whose feet get blazing hot at night if I have anything on them? Even in the winter, once they warm up, they stay pretty damn hot without 10 pillows on them.
Doesn’t your neck get bent at a weird angle? The pillow levels out the neck, isn’t that the purpose of it? 
When we first moved here we used a full-sized mattress and frame ShadiRoxan had since she was 15 or so. Eventually we got very nice queen-sized (?) mattress/boxspring set. No frame, but this was fine because the top of the bed was what I would call normal bed level just sitting on the floor.
About a year ago we finally got a bedroom set. The surface of the bed is now… 35" from the floor.
The old frame and mattress ended up in a spare room… Somewhere along the way this was transformed into a guest bedroom when the bare mattress acquired a complete set of matching bedclothes with two regular pillows, two more pillows in shams, normal number of sheets and a nicely folded extra blanket at the foot. We’d wash everything if we did actually have a guests coming because this would collect a layer of dust.
Then we got rid of all that to get Hellspawn the First a bunkbed. Both beds have matching sheet/comforter/pillow sets… but don’t match each other. The four pillows from the old guest bed? Showed up in our bed.
Did some culling of the herd somewhere along the way, so the current count is two regular pillows, two pillows in shams (which are used without respect for their decorative nature), one sentimental Gorbachev pillow (the wife’s, not mine), and two body pillows. Fitted sheet, sometimes top sheet, quilt, fuzzy acrylic blanket, polyester insulation filled “throw blanket” (we have 4 or 5 of these in assorted colors, they’re actually quite nice for sleeping on the couch)
Somewhere we have a $200 goose-down comforter that’s too heavy to use for most of the year.
Did I mention that she’s co-sleeping with Hellspawn the Second and lately Hellspawn the First has been refusing to sleep in his bunkbed?
Queen-size bed, a meter off the ground, with… two adults, a three year old, a newborn, five pillows, two body pillows, and two or three fairly heavy blankets. The three year old likes to burrow under the pile of pillows. Most nights 3/4ths of this (including Hellspan the First sometimes) gradually migrates to the floor. So we fight over the “throw blanket” in our sleep.
shudders
Female doper checking in.
My bed has a fitted sheet, flat sheet, quilt in the winter and two functional pillows. The bed itself is just a mattress and a frame. Those fancy beds look pretty and all, but why some people want them is beyond me.
I have to say that I have a great love of blankets. I get them because they are soft or fuzzy or cuddly. Most of them are not the right size to cover my bed. I have about five on my bed right now, but I don’t stack them up on top of each other. They sometimes get pushed aside.
I also have way to many pillows. I use them all, but I rotate them. Sometimes I feel like having a firmer pillow, other times a few squishy ones. And then I have my giant goldfish pillow. That one just looks awesome.
My bed looks like someone just pushed everything in the bedding aisle off the shelves, but it is comfy. Laundry day turns into laundry week most times, but it is worth it.
For the same reason one might tidy one’s room even if nobody else is going to see it. I don’t usually make the bed, but I do acknowledge that when I do, it really makes the whole room look nicer, and that makes me happy.
I have three pillows because my Gorbachevs are all slightly flattened - Alone, they’re not quite equivalent to half a pillow each. Together, the two standard and one triangle pillows make the right height and density for me laying on my side. Plus I play my iPod at night, so I put the speakers between one layer of pillows and it’s just right for me to hear but to not disturb hubby.
No, I don’t move around very much. And the pillows are almost always there the next morning, on top of my feet, where they belong. (I’m also wearing socks, underneath the layers of pillows and blankets. I have very cold feet) On rare occasions, I have woken up because a pillow fell off the bed - feet got cold, couldn’t sleep.
I sleep on my stomach - so pillows bend my neck at a weird angle. I find them uncomfortable.
YMMV.
Pre-nup, gentlemen. Pre-nup.
Lately my bed has consisted of a cold concrete or clay floor in the living room of some random stranger (who may or may not secretly want to kill me), throw rugs and carpet scraps, a quilt or two, and–if needed–a sleeping bag. My wife sleeps thousands and thousands of miles away in a–hopefully–empty bed, with an unknown number of soft, comfortable pillows and shams.
I know this was meant to be humorous as some of the posts have been but seriously. Do all you guys just bend to your wives wishes? What she wants she gets?
I don’t like all the extra floof, I can’t stand flowery shit, I suck at any type of decorating and the cataloges we get with all that sort of crap make the rooms in it look busy and gaudy.
Even if I did I would not just push them on my SO without discussing it with him. If he did not like something I picked out I would not just buy it anyway. If I want pink and he wants black I am sure if we look at other colors we can come it a happy medium.
Or is it that you just don’t care enough to complain when it all goes down but complain when you have to put up with the shit later?
Separate bed sheets for my GF and I, the coexistence index went up 78% after that.
It’s better than doing the whole Mars/Venus argument thing. Emotion and feelings trump rationality and reason every time.
I could bitch and moan and the frilly pillows might disappear. I’ll get the cold shoulder for months.
Alternatively, I’ll just wait until I trip in the night on my way to the bathroom. If I’m lucky, I will put a nice size gash in my head as the TV comes down on top of it. This earns me several things:
- The right to go out and purchase a larger, more expensive TV
- Several months of “I told you so” credits that can be used to improve my position in subsequent arguments.
- Sympathy sex
Get it?
Not really.
-
If she has the right to throw money away on ten pillows you don’t use, shams you are not suppose to use and pretty top blanket you are not suppose to lay on then by all means you have the right to buy a new TV whether she uses it or not.
-
I can see mentioning it one or two times but months down the road? is that not a little over the top? perhaps you were joking here. I have fucked up and he has but we joke about it later not use it as leverage.
3)Uhh no. If he I or want to have sex we have it. I am not going to have sex with him because I feel sorry for him and I don’t expect that from him either.
I think it just makes it easier for them to hide. You can’t see them unless you lift the ruffle and put your head under it. And I think we all know what happens then.
I’m right here with you, SomeUserName. I just… don’t get it. I can’t fathom being happy in a relationship where discussion or disagreements are handled by one side caving all the time, or by bringing up shit from months or years ago and hitting the other person over the head with it (from either side).
I can understand not giving a shit about decorating choices - but if you don’t give a shit, then continue not to give a shit. Let her do her thing, and ignore the results as much as you ignored the choosing process. No sweat. If she wants certain things not to be slept on, she needs to have them off the bed when it’s time for sleeping, and that’s that.
There’s some major premise about relationships at work here that I’m just not seeing. If you don’t have a say in how the bed is decorated, why don’t you? What are the causes of that distribution of power? Are there things that she doesn’t have a say about, that you are irrationally attached to? If there are things in the house that are not “supposed” to be used, did you have a say in what those things are, and why they are not supposed to be used?
What bothers me is that having a home together is supposed to be a joint process - two (or more) people deciding what to have that makes them happier in their space, and compromising when opinions differ. I just don’t see the reason in letting one person dictate the choices while another grinds teeth and/or rolls eyes. That doesn’t seem like a very happy outcome for either one.
Morbo, forgive me picking on you, but this is exactly the sort of thing I don’t get. My first (admittedly sort of juvenile) mental response was “She’d better give the best. Head. Ever.” Really, truly - why do you let her dictate that much stuff? If it makes you unhappy, or uncomfortable, why do you let it slide? You are just as much an active participant in the relationship (and therefore the home making) as she is, so I just plain don’t understand how “I have my one room, she has the rest” is a reasonable solution. If you could fight my ignorance on this one, I’d be obliged!
Well, actually, one of them is not a down comforter, but a Gorbachev comforter. My mother bought it when I was in the fifth grade and it got so old, lumpy and thin that she replaced it with a down comforter. Eventually it became a hand-me-down and I took it with me when Acid Lamp and I acquired a king sized bed. It’s covered up in a duvet cover most of the time, but eventually we’ll replace it with a proper down comforter.
I am a woman. That being said, there’s a lot of goofy women out there that have certain ideas in their head. In this particular instance, it’s bed linens.
There is no rational thought process here. None. Therefore, trying to negotiate, argue, plead and come to some sort of mutual agreement is impossible. It’ll only get them pissed.
Most men like to keep women happy, and peace in the house.
I have seen this behavior again and again as a contractor. Sometimes men have it, but usually women.
Case in point-
http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=9112414&postcount=53
There was absolutely nothing I could do to convince this woman that it hadn’t rained, and there was no leak. Weather reports, hose test, and 6 months of no leaks, didn’t matter. I finally took $100 off her bill and she was fine. (But in her heart she knew she was right.)
That goofy irrationality is what is being commented upon. Being a woman, I have on occasion been known to suffer from it, but I really try to keep it in check. I’m sure my husband would beg to differ.
Guys, I feel for you, I really do. The things you do just to keep peace in the house.
Not much I can add that hasn’t already been said. I had two pillows, one for sleeping and one for reading/working on laptop in bed. One of those cushions with arms that converts the bed into a chair of sorts. Handy for when I get a middle of the night call and don’t want to crawl out of a warm bed to connect to the system to deal with it.
Then she moved in. One day I came home and there was a lavender comforter on the bed. At least half of one anyway. The other half of the bed was covered with pillows. But by then it was too late, it was presented fait accompli. I keep trying to convince her that they are actually evil and she will awaken one night with them attempting to suffocate her. If she wakes at all.
Whoosh!
I’m sure if I made a big enough stink about this, my wife would tone it down a bit. Still, it opens up the possibility that she might decide to take issue with some of the things I do that seem irrational to her. For instance, there’s an ATV in our garage that’s taking up perfectly good space her car could occupy…
Best to pick battles.