I am stuck in a girly bed for the rest of my life. Hear me vent!

The BBQ Pit
141

[QUOTE=Kevbo]
I tried, I really did, to read the whole thread hoping to find out what the hell a gorbechev pillow is, but my coworker would wonder what I was giggling at.

Googling “Gorbechev Pillow,” BTW, yields a single result, which is a porn portal.

So could sombody please 'splain what is a Gorbechev pillow?
[/QUOTE]

They’re old, lumpy and have odd stains reminiscent of Mikhail Gorbachev’s head.

The explanation is in the OP and thereafter everyone else referred to those type of pillows as Gorbachev pillows.

[QUOTE=THespos]

I should mention that if left to myself, I would have continued to make use of my standard issue pillow. My mom gave me this pillow in the mid-1970s. If the labels on it are to be believed, it was stolen from a hotel that no longer exists, long before I was born. When I left for college, I, in turn, stole this pillow from my mom and never gave it back. It has been with me ever since. It may be clumpy and have weird stains on it reminiscent of Mikhail Gorbachev’s head, but nobody ever sees that crap anyway because there’s a pillowcase on it.
[/QUOTE]

142

What is it with the Gorbachev pillows anyway? There are things living in there. Nasty things. Things that only the person owning them are immune to.
An EX husband had one for 25 freaking years, and for all I know, he still has it. I was not allowed to put a zippered dust/mite/aliens cover on it.
About once a month, when he wasn’t home, I would tie it into a big pillowcase, and bake it in the clothes dryer.
:rolleyes:

143

[QUOTE=LadyMack]
What is it with the Gorbachev pillows anyway? There are things living in there. Nasty things. Things that only the person owning them are immune to.
An EX husband had one for 25 freaking years, and for all I know, he still has it. I was not allowed to put a zippered dust/mite/aliens cover on it.
About once a month, when he wasn’t home, I would tie it into a big pillowcase, and bake it in the clothes dryer.
:rolleyes:
[/QUOTE]

Most males achieve a balanced and symbiotic relationship with their Gorbachev pillows.

Baking them in the clothes dryer may kill off most of the cooties, but only the weak ones. Thus, you’re merely hastening the process of developing a race of SuperCooties [sup]tm[/sup] that will one day eat your husband while he’s sleeping in retribution.

Thanks a lot.

144

[QUOTE=Wile E]
Well, wouldn’t it make more sense if he took his manly sleeping bag out into the back yard? Because using the sleeping bag on top of a nice soft bed doesn’t seem manly enough. He should sleep on the hard ground, preferably on top of some rocks or cacti, now that’s manly.
[/QUOTE]

My sleeping bag is in the garage, along with the rest of the “ugly” things. Ugly things are allowed to exist in only four places on the property:

  1. My office
  2. The basement
  3. The garage
  4. The backyard, but only under certain circumstances and only during the cold months
145

[QUOTE=THespos]
Ugly things are allowed to exist in only four places on the property…
[/QUOTE]

Thank God those aren’t the rules in my house. I’d be relegated to the basement.

:wink:

146

[QUOTE=Wile E]
They’re old, lumpy and have odd stains reminiscent of Mikhail Gorbachev’s head.
[/QUOTE]

Noooo! Not lumpy. Mine has been beaten into the softest, most pliable consistency. It would take another 30 years to get a new pillow clobbered into that level of perfection.

Also, what exactly is allegedly living in my squashy pillow? I’m serious, I want a cite. And if this is a real concern, I want to know what I can do about it short of compromising the integrity of my perfect pillow.

147

[QUOTE=Rubystreak]
Also, what exactly is allegedly living in my squashy pillow? I’m serious, I want a cite. And if this is a real concern, I want to know what I can do about it short of compromising the integrity of my perfect pillow.
[/QUOTE]

I’m sure it’s only a few million of these. (Pay particular attention to the “Habitat and Food” section.)

148

[QUOTE=catsix]
My mom and dad have been married for 34 years. They built their retirement home five years ago. Out of that house, he has four ‘rooms’ and she has eight ‘rooms’ that are hers. Her rooms are Martha Stewarted out the ass, and one of them nobody is ever allowed to go in.

His rooms, two of which are basement and part of the garage (the part where her car isn’t parked), are decorated in the style I like to call Generic Man. There are dead things on the walls, gun safes, model trains, and other man-artifacts.

The funniest part of this whole arrangement is the bathrooms. There are 3. Two are hers and one is his. She will not enter his bathroom. He will not enter hers. Not for any reason, no matter what.

It’s almost like they have separate homes inside the same house. But they’re super happy this way.
[/QUOTE]

This makes perfect sense to me, because that’s the way things are at our house. Her bathroom, my bathroom. Both are off-limits to anything more than an emergency TP grab.

We have also reached an accord on the bed. The top of it is hers, so it has pillows, quilts and dust ruffle. Underneath it is my territory, so the space is filled with everything that wouldn’t fit in the gun safe. There’s no room for a monster under our bed. There isn’t room for a cat under our bed. Believe me, they’ve tried.

Before we got married, the house was decorated in the aforementioned Generic Male. Furniture that had been aqcuired over the years from a variety of sources, so nothing matched. Ditto the dishes and general decor. One of the first things my wife did was compliment me on how nice everything was, and how good it would look…in the garage.

I don’t mind the Girly Crap. To me it indicates that I have a happy partner who is keeping me sexually sated. :smiley:

149

[QUOTE=A Priori Tea]
Morbo, forgive me picking on you, but this is exactly the sort of thing I don’t get. My first (admittedly sort of juvenile) mental response was “She’d better give the best. Head. Ever.” Really, truly - why do you let her dictate that much stuff? If it makes you unhappy, or uncomfortable, why do you let it slide? You are just as much an active participant in the relationship (and therefore the home making) as she is, so I just plain don’t understand how “I have my one room, she has the rest” is a reasonable solution. If you could fight my ignorance on this one, I’d be obliged!
[/QUOTE]

Fair question. The answer is, it really doesn’t bother me all that much. I have my office, she decorates the rest of the house. (I also have the basement which she doesn’t care about, but I haven’t really done anything down there aside from putting in a poker table, dry bar and a neon sign or two).

Complaining about it in a thread like this != makes me truly unhappy or uncomfortable. When I bitch about her here it’s pretty much rancor-free. Just stuff she cares about which I think is silly to care about.

I’m sure she could compose a longer list about me, with things on there like how I get mad when she’s watching a game with me and helpfully adds “They’re going to WIN! Nothing can stop them now!” or how I treat my hats as precious commodities, or how I have to have a fan blowing on me when I sleep, or how I have my clothes sorted like Adrian Monk whereas she just has her stuff crammed into any drawer or closet she has.

It’s just different strokes, and after 13 years together I consider them curiosities, not some emasculating compromise on my part.

She also gives good head.

150

Giving good head is important, and any good woman knows this, if she wants her way. I don’t know shit about decorating and I don’t care to. It works out in the end guys.

151

It’s one thing to debase oneself by giving blowjobs to score heroin, but to debase oneself with frou-frou to score blowjobs…

152

[QUOTE=THespos]
Most males achieve a balanced and symbiotic relationship with their Gorbachev pillows.

Baking them in the clothes dryer may kill off most of the cooties, but only the weak ones. Thus, you’re merely hastening the process of developing a race of SuperCooties [sup]tm[/sup] that will one day eat your husband while he’s sleeping in retribution.

Thanks a lot.
[/QUOTE]

It’s her EX that is going to be eaten by the SuperCooties [sup]tm[/sup]. That would probably be considered a good thing. :stuck_out_tongue:

153

You know, I’m willing to bet that most of those NFPs are the result of purchasing a Comforter/Duvet Set that comes with said NFPs. And now, because you have them, you must use them. And then, because you already have NFPs, you might as well buy the pretty one that matches the already existing NFPs. It’s a vicious cycle.

154

[QUOTE=Vinyl Turnip]
It’s one thing to debase oneself by giving blowjobs to score heroin, but to debase oneself with frou-frou to score blowjobs…
[/QUOTE]

I hope you aren’t referring to me, as it implies that you didn’t read my post at all, just the “give head” part. Or it could maybe mean you didn’t realize that was a joke in reference to A Priori Tea’s “give head” reference, which I quoted in my reply.

155

I wasn’t referring to you. But I didn’t read your post, either.

156

Sounds like SOMEBODY needs a Disney Princess Bedroom. Or possibly a Barbie Bedroom.

I’m gonna have to swap one of my X chromosomes for a Y, I guess. I don’t like shams. I like bedskirts/dust ruffles because I have fond childhood memories of crawling under the bed and then shooting my toy gun (it shot tiny plastic discs) at various targets I’d set up. Also, dust ruffles are practical…can’t see all the junk that’s been crammed under the bed. We do have between 8 and 10 pillows on our king sized bed at any time, but we use them all. Heck, I even throw the pillows, sans cases, into the washer a couple of times a year.

157

[QUOTE=MadPansy64]
It’s her EX that is going to be eaten by the SuperCooties [sup]tm[/sup]. That would probably be considered a good thing. :stuck_out_tongue:
[/QUOTE]

EXactly.

Better him AND his pillow than Me.

158

[QUOTE=Rubystreak]
Noooo! Not lumpy. …
[/QUOTE]

So Gorbachev’s head isn’t lumpy?

159

[QUOTE=Vinyl Turnip]
I wasn’t referring to you. But I didn’t read your post, either.
[/QUOTE]

Then who in this thread are you referring to? Who is debasing themselves with frou-frou to score blowjobs?

160

<weary sigh> It was a joke, inspired by comments made by you, THespos, silenus, A Priori Tea, and gravitycrash referring to sex as a commodity on the domestic balance sheet.

I’m prone to making them. Rarely funny, but seldom do they go quite so wrong. (See, this is why comedy clubs don’t combine “open mic night” with an audience Q&A session…)