OK, so the tangerine isn’t a live eye. I bought a glass eye on eBay, cut a slit in the skin of a tangerine, and inserted the eye. Then I let the tangerine dehydrate, working the slit every day or so to force it into the form of eyelids. So now in my kitchen, the tangerine stares out from it’s spot on the spice shelf.
Twenty years ago, at my first professional job (at a certain Federal agency), the old guy at the next desk over and I got into a Bad Joke Contest. This contest lasted several months, much to the despair of our coworkers. We eventually settled into an endless series of “Sir” jokes, where the knight’s name and title formed some sort of pun:
“During a period of unrest in the kingdom, the castle gatekeeper, an Irishman with a strong resemblance to the king, was pressed into service as a double, dressed in the king’s garb, and paraded around the city for all to see. The dissedent elements in the kingdom were thus confounded. They attempted to assasinate the king, but were foiled because they attacked the wrong target. Therfore the king rewarded the the gatekeeper with a knighthood, and he was thereafter addressed as “Sir O’Gate”.”
These jokes proceeded from bad to worse, culminating in a twofer that I offered up, including the “Ruler of All Eyes”, and a companion joke about the king’s surveyor, who spent a lifetime mapping the contours of the kingdom. This man was, of course, designated by the sovereign “Sir Veyor of All I Rule”.
The old gentlemen retired from government service the next day.
So, yes, I have been waiting twenty years to use this joke again.