Well, the SO - now EX - moved out last weekend. And I have come back from my trips to find an empty house.
The house is no longer friendly, or a welcome sight. I gave her most of the furniture, including the bed. I sleep on a blanket on the floor in my $165,000 house. I could afford a bed, but have had no time to shop - in fact, I am leaving for Poland and England again in less than 24 hours.
Several rooms are nearly empty. The walls are bare. My house now has an echo in it - it is like walking into a new place. It is also cold here - how can it be so cold? I am shutting off entire rooms not to be entered again.
My counters are clean - no more coming home and finding food laying out rotting. No more finding trash piled where she could not be bothered to dispose of it. No more unwrapped, smelly food in the fridge. And I actually miss it somewhat - that’s sick.
I can’t sleep at night - I hear noises, the house settling and contracting - and they bother me. I keep waking up all night long, alone. At 3:41 am this morning, I heard the sound of footsteps - or so I thought - and grabbed my gun and waited. But relaxed as I realized it was yet another nightmare. The house is typially so quiet I can hear my laptop from the next room. The cats do little to help me cope. They know something is wrong, that the house has changed, and they do not like it.
I know Fierra loves me, but she is 4343 miles away. I can only remove the feeling of loneliness by reading the Board, or going to chat. I know many share my situation, but it is new to me still, and I am having to make a lot of adjustments.
I am not really down, just uncomfortable. I am not really posting for sympathy, just kinda…lonely here. And I know that there are many who do not have anyone to love, and are truly alone, who would tell me to get stuffed.
It’s just hard to adjust to the very, profoundly quiet house. You see - I’ve never been alone. Ever. I moved from my Mothers’ house directly in with the EX, so I don’t know how to live alone. Oh yes, since I did 110% of all the chores, shopping, cooking, etc. I have no extra work or things to “learn” - it’s just that, well, damn! It’s so quiet!
I have put on some MP3s and am blasting them. Maybe I should have a KC Dopefest at my house to liven things up. I will think about that one.
I know what you mean hon. It’s quite a shock to be suddenly surrounded by silence. The air lacks a quaility you never noticed it had.
But draw comfort from the fact that Fi - despite being so far away - loves you dearly. And so do we for that matter. You’re never alone as long as you have a browser and SD access.
Anthracite, I’ve respected you ever since joining, and stumbled across your break-up thread from late Feb while looking for the Booker57 Pit thread you mentioned in Cartooniverse’s thread. (Yeah, I’ve got way too much time on my hands.)
Dunno how I missed it then, but wish I had had the chance to offer my support. So here it is, late as it may be. I know just how empty the house can sound after your SO moves out. Hopefully the worst part is over for you, but you mentioned in your earlier thread that you were not looking forward to this period. Either way, I’ll be thinking of you and hoping you get through this quickly and easily, knowing you’ve got a lot of people here to support you, and fierra only an ocean away, but no doubt closest to you emotionally. Hopefully you’ll be seeing her on your trip. Good luck! My email’s always open.
Try and find a time in your schedule when you’ll be able to re-populate your home.
Right now, every memory you have of your house is associated with your ex being there. It’s time to start creating some new memories, happy memories, of your home without her in them.
Decide on a decorating scheme that’s you all over. It’s your home, there is no one you need to comprimise with over what goes where or whether that picture really belongs over that couch.
Get your kitties some huge cat furniture… great big honkin cat trees.
Get yourself a wonderful bed, cover it with 300 count sheet sets and big comfy blankets. Spoil yourself.
The number of people who think you are an incredibly wonderful lady are truly beyond counting, and the number who like you whether you’re the Queen of Coal or not only slightly smaller.
A KC Dopefest would be a very good idea, and whether you hold it at your home or elsewhere, make sure part of the festivties is a tour of your place and that abject siliness takes place there.
I second what Dublos said. Especially about the bed. I know you’re travelling a lot right now, but maybe you can find just a small bit of time to go buy a bed? I hate to think of you sleeping on the floor.
And as everyone has said, you’re not alone, you have all of us and Fierra (I know, it’s all about Fierra :D).
It does get better. I have lived alone for 13 going on 14 years now. Since it’s been so long since I kicked my room mate out of the house I don’t recall it all.
Now I live in a 3 bedroom house and it’s packed to the gills with so much stuff…you’d be amazed at how much one person can accumulate over the years.
I second the decorating idea. Go wild, have fun with it! Make a statement of you!
Some of the positive things about living alone:
You never have to worry about waking someone else up. Your time is always your own time in your own home.
Any mess created is your own. No arguing over who made it or who had to clean it up.
You can shower, pee and poo with the door open. Offensive odors are yours and yours alone.
Buying some ridiculously expensive item, like a $200 coffee pot is your business and your business alone. No need to confer with anyone over this decision.
If you had a particularly bad day at work and don’t want to talk to anyone, your whole house is there waiting as a santuary from all that bugs you.
Now, Una, I know those things seem scary at the moment but really they are good things. I don’t regret for one minute for not having a room mate or a live in lover for all these years. I have come to value my privacy and my home as being my sanctuary.
BTW, this sounds silly but get some fish. They sooth the soul, really.
Yah, empty houses suck. Whatever you do, don’t play any C & W, it’ll only make things worse. Classical is my personal preference.
Don’t let the emptiness of the house drive you out of it–your house should not turn into your enemy. There’s nothing worse than Empty House Syndrome making you hang out at Barnes & Noble all afternoon, or worse, the Multiplex 12, watching Freddie Prinze, Jr. movies.
Ducky’s Hot Tip for fixing Empty House Syndrome–do something totally bizarre and drastic (but temporary) to the decor. What works for me is (don’t laugh) to take all the bath towels and lay them in random patterns on the floor. If this doesn’t work, then I take the bedsheets and pillowcases and add those. This is just strange enough that it gets my mind off how alone I am and focusses it on the fact that my linens are all over the floor. Many years ago, the Better Half and I spent an entire summer apart working separately, after being married only 2 years (no kids yet), which was not fun, to say the least. And redecorating the apartment in this strange sort of way is what helped me. You can also hang odd things from the walls and ceiling. Black parachutes are excellent, as are saucepans. Figuring out how to hang a Dutch oven from the chandelier is an excellent way to pass the time to get over the hump.
Because that’s all it is, you know–a hump. You’ve been over humps before, and you’ll get over this one, too. I know it.
