I bet I'll go through all of 2011 without getting a girlfriend too

But Superhal, that’s your answer to everything!

“Squeeze them, hard. Make an acid poison. Fling it in their eyes.” - Doctor Impossible.

Yeah, because how I post on the internet is how I actually carry myself in real life. Not that it matters in my case.

Hmmm, seems Cazzle may have some competition for winner of the thread.

Orright, I’ll put a fifty odds-on that you’re right.


Just by the way, are you a channeller for Marvin, the eternally depressive android?


Yes. Go out and try to actually MEET people. Stop thinking “I want a girlfriend”
Start out as FRIENDS and then let it evolve from there. It’s NOT that hard! You have a car…you have access to events and social groups and countless number of things.

You and me, too.

Although in my case, my wife would kill me.


Yeah, but the longer I go without one, the more I want one.

Thus is the vicious cycle that has doomed me to die alone.

Aren’t vicious cycles just a bitch.

Yer’ doomed mookie/marvin, no point fighting the inevitable mate. :stuck_out_tongue:

You guys are all missing an opportunity.

Remember your youth? When you were attractive, charismatic and successful? I know that in my late teens, the only problem I had was running out of space on my dance card and having to wear clean underwear every day, what with the constant hookups I’d find myself in after simply walking into a book store and reaching for the same Proust volume as a doe-eyed bombshell with a liberal attitude towards having sex in skips.

What we have in mookieblaylock is the person we told stories about around the camp fires we made during our nightly beach sex orgies - the person whose life isn’t going the way they planned! (It might not seem scray, but imagine it like it was told back in the day, with a flashlight under my chin and clamps on my nipples.) They can’t get sex in the way we can, by throwing a brick and humping the girl it hits in the ambulance - they have to put in effort! A sour attitude and lack of self worth doesn’t attract the ladies the way it does for us, as mookieblaylock doesn’t give off those pheremones everybody else does when feeling sad in order to attract a comforting bosom to cry on.

So when you read mookieblaylock’s posts, remember that his situation is different! He’s not posting from a gold-plated Rutonix - he probably doesn’t even know they exist. He isn’t dictating his posts to his soul mate who turned up just at the right time when he decided that constant sex parties were too exhausting and it was time to settle down. He’s special god dammit, with his feelings of “sadness” and the need to work for the things that will make him happy.

So tonight, when you’re eating your roast emu stuffed with unicorn bladders and drinking the sweat of the Sumatran booze monkey, spare a thought for poor mookieblaylock, the only guy on earth who has ever felt this way ever and is therefore a special snowflake we can never understand.

The problem with a target ‘get a girlfriend’ is that you are only half of the equation and you can’t control the other half.

So your goal for the year should be something that you, and you alone, have control over.

So it could be things like:

  • change counsellor
  • join a night class and attend all sessions
  • go to the library once a week
  • get 20 mins exercise three times a week

Why the fixation on girlfriends?

It doesn’t sound like you even have friends (I can’t imagine you have a whole lot based on your self-absorbed whinery). You need to work on that before going to the girlfriend arena.

Do you have a life? Not a social life, just a life with rich experiences. Hobbies, a job that you half-way care about, special interests. If not, you need to cultivate something. Make yourself more interesting.

And while you’re at it, stop posting such sorry-ass OPs, mookie. It’s getting tiresome.

I think when people go without ever having had a girlfriend/boyfriend they start to misattribute all their problems and unhappiness into that one detail. As if a relationship is some sort of magical event that will change everything. But it won’t. You’ll probably feel better about yourself for a bit and blah blah blah but after a few months you’ll be back to square one. You probably won’t believe me but meh.

Anyway, I think step 1 in terms making any positive change is to stop feeling sorry for yourself. Easier said then done right? What I would recommend is some hardship. Not sure what you’re doing with yourself right now, but if you’re a student or unemployed, use that spare time to get a shitty physically demanding job with little pay, just for a month. Something that requires little skill with a high turnover rate. No quitting. Since you hate yourself so much, think of it as punishment for being a dateless weinie.
Give it a shot. Best part of having nothing is that there’s nothing to lose, right?
Hopefully it will put some things into perspective.

Mmm, unicorn bladders! I’m picturing them like large gyoza/potstickers/chinese dumplings.

Maybe Mookie could start by identifying in this thread three interests he has, that he could build upon to drag himself out of his inertia and despair. (Alcohol counts if you have bartending skillz or can make your own microbrew or something.) Then add two or three more things that could plausibly become an interest or at least you could do without pain as you become knowledgeable. This is the approach I’m taking. My list:

  1. Japanese language/food/culture
  2. Sewing little dolls and stuffed animals
  3. Drinking good coffee
  4. Ballroom dancing
  5. Boardgames like Scrabble

I have found groups or classes for all of these but the coffee drinking but I address that by reading in coffee shops rather than always in my apartment. I have had complete loons strike up conversations with me in the coffee shop, so I guess the striking up conversation potential is there. Anyway, I’ve only been making this effort for a month, and I don’t have a million friends/lovers yet, but I already feel happier, more interesting, more optimistic. You might try it.

Mookie, I’ve told you numerous time to keep your “poor me” stuff in that single existing thread, and I told you that the next time you put it elsewhere, I’d give you a warning for ignoring moderator instructions.

Warning issued.

Thread closed.

twickster, MPSIMS moderator