I bet I'll go through all of 2011 without getting a girlfriend too

I promise myself that it will be different at the beginning of each new year

but this year I decided not to disappoint myself again.

Surely you kid? With your upbeat, sunny disposition, your total lack of self-absorption, your go-get’em attitude to life and your ability to bring interest, energy and insight to even the dullest conversation, you must be beating the girls off with a stick.

If this post is any indication of how you act with girls/women in person, I’m guessing you’re right. The title alone set off the “RUN LIKE HELL” alarm in the single-girl part of my brain.

Tell me something good that you think will happen in 2011.

I might die.

Dude, I know where you are coming from. You know what? Fuck it! Who needs all the damn hassle anyways? Shit just go out there and live your own damn life – you don’t need someone else to validate who you are. You know and you should just decided what you want to do with your life and get on the road to go get there. Worrying about a girlfriend? To hell with them! Somewhere along the way you will probably find someone who is compatible and it will move to the next stage - but if you worry about “having a girlfriend”, forget it. It won’t happen. Why don’t you just go have good damn time and eventually somebody is going to notice you are having a damn good time and going to get interested in how come. Then you can take things from there.

Or, you can sit around and say “oh, woe is me”. Up to you, of course.
ETA: I am such a hypocrite - I need to take my own advice.

That never worked before, why would it now?

Lowering your standards never fails.

Nice job, Debbie Downer.

I know, right? Are the girls in his town stupid or something, to pass up such a catch?

word. jsut be sure to always have condoms in your wallet. and know that us drunk girls dont want to be your love forever…just for the night.

Hey! It’s another attention whoring pity party for mookie!

If people could win threads, you’d be a lock.

“Wearily on I go, pain and misery my only companions. And vast intelligence, of course. And infinite sorrow.”

  • Marvin the Paranoid Android, channelling mookieblaylock

Nah, nowadays I don’t even bother trying to talk to girls at all. Why bother? Nothing ever comes from it when I do.

You know what’s funny? I saw the thread title and immediately knew who posted it even before seeing the name.

Wowsie wowsie woo woo.*

  • 1970’s cartoon reference quoted from memory. Sorry to any purists if I mangled it.

“Pardon me for breathing, which I never do any way so I don’t know why I bother to say it, oh God, I’m so depressed.”

When life hands you lemons, you know what to do right?

squeeze that lemon juice directly into your eyes. That will remind you that things can always get worse.

I’ll probably get piled on for this, but OP, have you ever read about any of the “seduction” techniques? From what I understand, they’ve produced good results with a lot of guys. Yes, everyone mocks it relentlessly, but the fact remains, there are guys out there who are getting laid because of it. Maybe this is something you could look into, as it is obvious you are never just going to “grow out” of this miserable phase of your life without a push.

That’s the spirit. IME trying to “get” a girlfriend is counterproductive. It’s one of those things that should sort of happen on it’s own. For you, it will probably be something like this:

You’re in line at the checkout counter and the frizzy-haired girl in front of you catches you eyeing the carpet cleaner, kitty litter, and vodka she’s purchasing on a Friday night.
“I know what you’re thinking” she says. “What kind of fuck-up buys this stuff on a Friday night. Well I don’t blame you. I must be a real loser to spend my weekends cleaning up cat throw-up and changing litter pans. The only thing I can do right is drown my sorrows in cheap vodka.”
“Ha, don’t get me started. I’m such a pathetic moaner that the only thing I can manage is to post depressing anecdotes about how low my self-esteem is on message boards,” you reply.
“Yeah, sometimes it’s hard to believe that someone could be as lame as me. I mean I’ve been looking for a boyfriend for 4 years, and the only people I meet run screaming away as soon as I start talking about how morose I am.”
“Me too. I think losers like us are best off just not even trying. It’s not like anyone will ever see anything in sad sacks of crap like us,” you lament.
She concurs, then asks: “Say, do you like cheap vodka?”

Fast forward one month. You’re lying naked in bed next to the girl from the checkout counter, horribly hung over and covered in cat vomit. You wonder to yourself about the mysterious forces in the universe that aligned to steer you towards your soul mate.

No, no you:

use them to jerk off with. Works for any fruit actually, not just lemons.

Well, it worked for Led Zeppelin.

mookie, either get some fucking help, or get a fucking blog already. I felt bad for you at first, but honestly, if you don’t care enough about yourself to do something, then just go away.