Well, thanks for the pie, but next time don’t volunteer me for anything, 'kay? 
:: enjoys his pie ::
There is still that fourth piece of pie there… You should eat it, it is good for you!
errrmmmmm…
'Cause I can stump a lot of people in a game of “guess who I am?” (with, what I consider, a really dead giveaway.)
Thank you 
Ask not what pie can do for you but what you can do for pie.
Is there any left? Apple is my favorite. I have ice cream (and I’d be willing to share).
When will you Americans learn? Pie does NOT contain Fruit!
A Real Pie contains Meat, and Gravy.
Cheese, Bacon, and Onions are also permitted Real Pie fillings. All other fillings- inlcuding Fruit, Tofu, Mushrooms, Carrots, Corn, and Fish- are an Unholy Heresy and an affront to all that is right with the Real Pie.
Further, the only acceptable sauces for consumption with a Pie are Gravy, Tomato Sauce (NOT Ketchup, thank you very much!), and BBQ Sauce.
The ANZACs didn’t go charging over the top at Gallipoli to give Johnny Turk a good walloping just so a bunch of tree-hugging pansies could saturate their Poofter Pies with Mayonnaise and other abominations. No, the ANZACs cooked their Real Pies on the water-jackets of their Vickers Guns, before going off to give the Kaiser a solid ass-kicking and then settling down to watch the Cricket!
… Sorry, I appear to have spontaneously been channeling Sam Kekovich for a moment there… 
Pie is, like, soooOOo ten minutes ago, fer shur. Rilly.
Like, where’s your strudel, moon-doggie?
So, you watched Gidget on Saturday night, too, huh?
Pie is ten minutes ago?
PIE IS TEN MINUTES AGO?!?!!?!?!?!?!
Nowayinfuckinghell is pie ten minutes ago ,baby. Pie is here. Pie is now.
Pie is the future.
pie is in mah belly
So…um…I assume you don’t want pie?
Why do I deserve a piece? Simple: I don’t really like apple pie that much.
Giving a piece to me would serve up some delicious irony, though.
No-no-no.
Danishes, Kolache, or even creampuffs, fer shur, but pie is passe.
Hm. Irony is a powerful ally you have, Mr. Briston .
Unfortunately, economics state that the supply of pie is severely limited. Irony cannot overcome economics, my good man.
Can I interest you in some sort of trade? Perhaps a large chunk of last night’s roast beef for a piece of your pie? I will even throw in a potato.
It is a great deal, and I think you should take it. Slow cooked roast beef, tender and juicy. I have had my fill of it and think that I would rather have pie now.
Hm… that’s not so bad. Except I don’t eat red meat.
Perhaps we can get a third party in on this deal…and you can offer a third-rounder and possibly some cash for this delectable pie.
Oooo…roast beef? Ok, let’s deal here people. How’s this sound:
I get the roast beef, The Unkempt One gets the pie, and LOUNE gets the yummy chicken patties I was about to have, plus one of these things ('cause my daughter got two of 'em yesterday, thanks to well-meaning relatives). And if the pot needs sweetening…hmmm…well, I won’t give up a third-rounder, but I’ll deal a fifth and sixth for next year’s draft.
I do not deserve a piece of the pie.
But this is, after all, the season of Easter, when Christians celebrate the gift of grace, given to the undeserving.
Therefore, you should give the pie to those who are unworthy. This will demonstrate your great generosity.
As a person who is far too lazy to bake, and who really shouldn’t be eating sweets, I am deeply unworthy of a piece of the pie, and that is why you should give it to me.
Hey! If my “I don’t want it” tact didn’t work, your “I don’t deserve it” ploy better not wind up a winner…
What about if we change it into a fourth rounder from this year’s draft and next year’s second rounder if i trade you a wheelbarrow full of cash?
Raise the ante on your stuffed bunny. You’re almost there, big fella.
Hm…odd…your argument is vaguely like Hal’s , but…you have titties.
Titties notwithstanding, I can’t condone laziness! You cannot be pied under such adverse conditions.