Dammit, Dinsdale. Just my fucking luck - a simulpost. I take all that back, alright? 
this from a man who punished all of his children for braiding the fringe on a rug.
I’m glad you finally came 'round, Dinsdale.
Not just universities, but high schools as well. You’d be surprised what a county will pay for someone to be the “IT Coordinator” for the county. Of course, universities would be cool as well.
No - I really am a dickhead. Makes it hard to find hats that fit. 
Again, Dinsdale I beg to differ.
For the past twenty odd years and while residing in the good ol’ U.S.A., I’ve worked in jobs where people would have been fired for grabbing my ass.
Period, point blank.
When I was a struggling student and worked in the bar/restaurant industry, I did have a boss pinch me on my butt, hard enough to hurt.
Not being from another culture (as MM’s wife is), I whirled around and placed the tip of the knfie that I was using to slice bread with at his throat.
He never did that again.
Are you implying that MM’s wife should just learn to accept rude and degrading bad behavior because she’s currently under-employed?
In your America, is it tolerable for nasty teeangers to humilate woman from different cultures?
I don’t understand your casual acceptance of what was a nasty incident.
MM, in an odd way, I feel your pain. Having dated several FOB’s (and I do NOT mean that in a derogatory way), I can empathize with your wife’s frustrations. Dammit, it’s TOUGH leaving your country and trying to make a go at it with a new life in a different world - I know I’d be pretty off-kilter if I were in another country.
My best to the both of you. I hope things change so she doesn’t see the worst of all us ignorant 'mericuns. 
Esprix
Mighty, I don’t know what part of Indiana that you live in so I may be describing the very city where you live. But I have found Bloomington to be very multi-cultural. I would also think that as large as the University is that they would be constantly hiring.
I think that I would go nuts if I didn’t work around stimulating minds. That may be part of it for her.
The assault – and that’s what it was – is ridiculous and totally inexcusable. I am an American and I would certainly be offended by this groping. So I can imagine how much more painful her humiliation is.
I hope that you find solutions quickly. Bless you both.
Didn’t see your apology, Dinsdale.
Good for you.
As regards hats however, I’ve always founded the cone shaped ones worked well for dickheads.
I don’t think that the girl thought your wife would think it was funny at all. It is hard to comprehend where that kind of grab as a joke might be appropriate. Perhaps a locker room among very close freinds, even there it seems shakey. This was the kind of “Joke” intended to hurt and or humilate a victim. If their are any reprecussions the “Joker” gets to say “Gee can’t you take a joke?” It wasn’t funny in third grade when this kind of thing was a way to establish a pecking order of who is in the in crowd and who isn’t. It is most certainly not funny as part of a work experience. I am pretty sure the US does not have a monopoly on this type of asshat, but we sure don’t discourage it.
There are many places that have large Tai comunities. I have no idea where the largest ones are but I suspect places like Chicago or Seattle are probably good bets. Moving isn’t cheap but has to be cheaper than running two households. Does she have family here? Even if far extended family it could help if you were closer to them. Would a visit home help?
Clearly the situation there has to change. Even if she sucks it up this time it will destroy your mariage, she will come to resent being there for you, but maybe if you two can come up with a plan and a plan to work towards it maybe there are ways to save it, and she might not feal so desperate.
Yikes. I certainly hope that the people at your wife’s work are repremanded for being such ass-hats.
However, just before you start packing boxes - my SIL is Japanese. She had a great, honkin’, heaping dose of culture shock when she came here. She too had problems at work - her supervisor would scream and yell and rant and rave and generally behave in a totally unprofessional manner - poor SIL had no idea how to react - people just don’t act like that in Japan, and certainly not at work.
What helped her a great deal was getting in contact with the local Japanese/Canadian society - she was able to meet other women in her same circumstance which helped her feel more at home. I don’t know if there is a Tai community association where you are, but if you’re planning on moving anyway, I would suggest finding a location that has one. it will help your wife fell more at home, I’m sure.
Good luck!
Although my credibility is rightfully less than zero in this thread - I beg your indulgence in the following attempt at being constructive.
What are your options?
What brought you to where you presently live, and what is keeping you there?
I am assuming that the two of you believe that the most important thing for the two of you is each other. (If not, then divorce/separation would certainly be an option to consider.)
What I urge you to do at this point is to try to figure out what will be the best realistic situation for the two of you. Not what will necessarily make the most money. Not what anyone else would choose. But how do you get to the place where - to the greatest extent possible - you will be able to play by YOUR rules?
The toughest thing may be trying to figure out a solution that satisfies BOTH of you, meaning that neither one of you may get exactly what you think you want - until you realize that what you want the most is your communal happiness and support. On the plus side, you have incredible strengths working together towards a common goal as a team.
Most of the couples/families I know who are the most happy/content seem to have gotten to - and past - a point where they realized the futility and frustration resulting from constantly trying to live up to someone else’s definition of how they ought to live. It can be so difficult, when the media is constantly bombarding you with images suggesting what you should want. When you find yourself established in a community are surrounded by people acting in a certain way, it can be vary hard to choose a different path. And inertia can be an incredibly powerful force.
Congrats on taking a major step in realizing that where you currently find yourself is not necessarily for you. It would be exciting to help you brainstorm ways to help the two of you get started to where you want to be - whether or not that involves physical relocation.
Best of luck.
Dinsdale! Shame on you. I thought you had more compassion than that. You need to learn to empathize.
Sounds to me like it was a case of the straw that broke the camel’s back. A person can only take so much before they break.
Max, where do you live? Maybe you can find somewhere else that will better suit you both. I’d hate for you and your wife to live apart because of this. It sounds like a tough situation and I hope you can find a way to work it out.
We have thought about this before now. I am from this area. I landed a job with a local IT consulting company. I don’t make a lot, but the potential to learn is enormous. We are planning to save and buy a house in Thailand in a few years. Doing so only if I can get a job over there making decent amount of money. I have debt here to get rid of first. A $300 a month payment here is 40 times that in Thailand. The plan is to be debt free in a few years, and then move wherever we want. She is extremely hurt by what happen. With my help she will regain her ability to think clearly and realize that going home now could end the marriage. She is strong, and very intelligent; I have faith she will come around soon enough. We’ll work through it.
Dinsdale, compromise is quite the buzzword in our household. We believe together anything is possible. All the problems we have are only obstacles. Some are much more shittier than others, but still just bumps in the road.
furlibusea and alice. We plan to eventually move to the largest Thai community in the world, Thailand. Our problems are based on what to do to get there and be comfortable while staying there.
MM,
Please offer your wife apologies on the behalf of the vast majority of us that aren’t moronic teenagers.
I wish you both the best, and good luck.
[sub](And if you do end up in Hawaii, can I come visit?)[/sub]
I’m so sorry, mighty_maxx. I really hope things work out for the two of you. Keep looking around in different places for a job- you never know what might turn up. I’m wishing you the best.
I sympathize with your wife. It’s extremely difficult to leave home and everything you know and go to a new place where everything is different. Culture shock is hard, and even harder without a support network. Maybe your wife can find some ex-pats to hang out with in the interim? It’s not the best solution, but having other people in the same situation can be a big help. Not to harp on the subject, but I’ll bet the weather is getting her down, too. I know several people from SE Asia who just can’t stand US weather.
But what the fuck is up with the co-worker? Is she getting fired or what? I would demand she would be, but I can see how your wife might be uncomfortable with doing that. I’m also going to go out on a limb and say that while this girl is obviously a waste of vital organs, if it makes you and your wife feel any better, I doubt she was targeted because she is “foreign”. This type of shithead just loves to rile people and behave in wildly inappropriate ways. I don’t understand people who think this sort of behavior is funny. To me, it’s a major violation of social rules. Grabbing someone else’s ass is akin to peeing on the carpet. It’s the sort of horrifying behavior that every right-thinking person abhorrs. We just don’t do that.
maxx, have you thought about trying the DC area? Cost of living here is a little high but you’d be hard pressed to find anywhere more culturally diverse and still be affordable. There’s plenty of demand for IT personnel, especially in Northern Virginia. There’s a strong Asian presence here, if push came to shove mrs. maxx could take a job in one of the Asian restaurants or grocery.
Man, that bites. I went to grad school in Bloomington, Indiana, and although it’s probably a more multicultural and tolerant place than the majority of Indiana, I always felt sorry for the foreign students, especially the ones from places that are VERY different culturally from the U.S. You haven’t seen “sticking out like a sore thumb” until you’ve seen a Saudi woman in full burqa in the middle of a Big 10 campus in semi-rural south central Indiana. Hell, I was raised primarily in the Midwest, but I’m Jewish, and I still felt like the most ethnic thing for 100 miles around.
I second the vote for looking for a job in Chicago. The IT market is tight all around, but there are probably more opportunities to find a job situation that is better for both of you. I live in a largely Southeast Asian neighborhood (near Argyle & Broadway), and there is, in fact, a decent-sized Thai community around here. Yay for funky ethnic grocery shopping! San Francisco also has a good-sized Asian community, but the cost of living there, especially rent, is hellacious. You can job-hunt here much more easily; it’s a few hours’ drive at most. C’mon up for the Blues Fest in June, and check out the multicultural scene!
You should talk to astroboy - he might have some words of advice for you.
Esprix
I’m going to start seriously looking for some jobs in a much larger city, maybe Chicago, or at least Cincinnati. Searching for IT jobs is headache at the very least. You never really know what the employer is looking for. They’ll say networking Engineer with 98 years experience and a PhD in mechanical engineering when actually what they need is a mentally challenged monkey who can swap a hard drive. I’ll find something eventually, in the mean time; I’ll try to keep the wife from going crazy. I’ll make frequent trips to the city to find some peppers so hot it’ll make your butt hole sweat. That seems to keep her happy for a while. Thanks guys for all the help so far. I sometimes forget that many have been through similar situations, not everybody in this country has dental problems and a 3rd grade education. In my rural world I sometimes get lost. I can always count on the SDMB to give a peek at what real people are.