I Can't Commit to (Almost) Anything

In My Humble Opinion
1

I came to a realization about myself today. For a while I’ve avoided engaging in clubs and activities around my college campus, and I told myself it was because I was too busy with academics. I realized that I don’t think that’s quite the case anymore. I’m acclimated with the routine, I feel like I’ve developed good study habits, and I do have available time. I think the real issue is that I can’t commit to a club or activity. It’s literally like once I commit to something and I’m obligated to attend/perform/etc. I cease to enjoy it.

This seems to be a relatively recent development (over the last 2 years or so). I was involved in lots of activities in high school, but it seems like once I started college, my personal, individual time became immeasurably more valuable. I really, really, really like having unscheduled time when I can do whatever strikes my fancy (typically reading [magazines, fiction, nonfiction, news], studying, watching TV, or playing the occasional video game).

I was in marching band my first semester here at college, and while I enjoyed it at first, my enjoyment steadily decreased. I think was was due to a combination of two aforementioned factors: marching band takes up a lot of time, and I resented being beholden to someone else’s schedule. One of the activities I was really involved with in high school was marching band, though.

There are certainly topics and clubs that seem, on the surface, intriguing to me, but I avoid signing up for them. This is partially due to the issue I just described: I’m seemingly unable to enjoy something once I’m committed. It’s also partially due to another one, though. I would think that I would be interested in a club because of its activities and because of the social atmosphere, but I find that I often walk away from meeting new people feeling indifferent at the very least, to mildly annoyed some other part of the time. This unfortunately compounds my initial problem.

Having said all this, I have no problem whatsoever buckling down to study or do homework, attend every class lecture, and maintain a part time job. But I think this is because I have a very different perspective on these things. I don’t feel like I have so much of a choice, and there isn’t as much forced interaction. By the first point, I mean that I attend class so that I can learn the material, I learn the material so I can pass the tests, I pass the tests so I can get good grades, and I get good grades so I can get a good (read: high-paying) job after graduation. I work a part-time job so that I can pay part of my tuition, room, and board.

I wrote this post for two reasons. First, I wanted to verbalize some thoughts I’ve had floating around in my head for a while. Second, I want to solicit opinions and anecdotes from the other Dopers.

2

I’m exactly the same way.

I just hate having my schedule filled up with social crap. The stuff I really like to do - reading, video games, biking, etc - doesn’t require a club or any pre-planning.

Any activity that requires planning and/or scheduled activity goes way down on my list. Heck, even the things I like to do, I don’t like to plan. Sure, I’ll go for a kayak. That weekly show-n-go paddle that some friends do? No way. I like to be spontaneous.

So I wouldn’t worry too much about it. I think as people get older, our free time gets smaller, and we all tend to prioritize. As long as you’re making it to school/work, you’re fine.

3

Thank you for the encouragement, Athena. I found that very reassuring.

4

With all the planning and meetings I do for work, I hate, hate, hate planning stuff for my personal life. I like to do solitary things (like reading), and maybe, if I have to, I’ll agree to meet someone for dinner during the week, but other than that, forget it. I have absolutely no desire to join any type of club for anything, and the thought of having a long standing committment makes me want to scream.

Listen, I’ve had kids for 25 years and always had to commit to stuff for them–school, doctor’s appointments, etc. I’m TIRED of making committments, especially for fun. I even weaseled out of joining friends for the symphony on Saturday night. (Okay, partially because I hate the symphony.)

Call me up, even at the last minute, and if I’m available–if I haven’t gotten a wild hair and decided to do something at the last minute–then I’ll join you if I want to. But, if you want to plan for something on the first and third Tuesday of every month…forget it.

5

I am the same way to the point of not understanding people that feel the opposite way. The two most valuable things in my life are my daughters and my free time and I don’t want anybody messing with either one. I admire people that do volunteer work and sing in choirs and stuff like that but it isn’t for me. If I get coerced into it, I get so resentful and pissed that it doesn’t do anyone any good.

6

I heartily agree.

My default activity is “home” and I hate when I’m asked to commit to something in the future (even if it sounds like a good time) because invariably by the time the event comes up, I either A) no longer feel like it or B) already had a rough week and just want to default (see above).

Social activities make me anxious. Not necessarily the event itself (although sometimes that’s true—I’m slightly socially backwards and words like “mingling” and “meet new people” make me shut down) but mostly just the responsibility of having committed to things and knowing that I need to keep my word once I’ve given it.

My fantasy is a perpetually open calendar and the ability to make last minute plans at all times.

7

I just want to give kudos to the word choice of the title. Demonstrative.