Just wanted to stop in to say I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Best of luck to you and your son.
I’m so sorry that your lives have taken this turn, Alice.
I’m pulling for you and hoping you find your way back east and into the arms of a helpful and loving family.
I came in to suggest you make your way to a neighbourhood church and enquire about resources for people in need. (No, they won’t try and convert you, or expect you to join their church!) They have a lot of experience in helping people stay afloat. They have tons of experience with family counseling, and they know how to access available resources, like the back of their hands.
People let their person feelings about organized religion stand in the way, of what are, at heart, good people, neighbours, in your community, willing and able to help you.
(No, I’m not a Christian, I’m a Buddhist. But I’ve gone to a church for help, when I was feeling out of my depth, and found them to be extremely helpful!)
Think about it anyway.
I’ll be sending my best vibes your way and lighting some incense at the temple for your family!
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Yes, you really are awesome. Srsly.
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No it’s not your fault he’s like this.
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Nope, it’s not your fault that you’re breaking. You’re not breaking. You’re just being human, that’s all.
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Yes, you still love him. You don’t always like him, and that’s COMPLETELY NORMAL and ok, because teenagers aren’t always likeable.
I really wish there was a way I could help besides just words
hugs Hang in there!
Okay, I had a moment there where I let my innate guilt and general crappy feelings get a hold of me. Logically, I don’t blame myself for this. I understand about brain chemistry, serotonin, the effects of bullying at school, etc. It’s unbelievably stressful to be screamed at like you’re so hated, though- wow. It does get to me.
Kids are master button-pushers, and he’s had his entire life to study you and know exactly how to try and manipulate you. Which they all do, not all the time, and maybe not always effectively, but sometimes teenagers just suck.
You’ve got the seniority here though, so you’ll outlast his fits and his growing pains and his hating on you because you’re the safest target in his world and sometimes he just needs to put all that anger somewhere and you’re it.
Can I offer you a drink? 
Much like crying, I’m afraid if I start drinking, I might not stop. 
If you are getting food stamps, you are eligible for free cellphone service:
https://www.safelinkwireless.com/Safelink/state-benefits/Arizona
I’m fortunate in that I have a good friend that has me on his friends and family plan, and he even pays the $20 extra it costs for my phone, so it’s free for me. He’s pretty awesome to do that for me. But I have been thinking of getting one for the boy, so it’s something to look into, even though I am not one of these people (everybody else in the world according to my son) that think that 13 year-olds need cell phones.
That was referring to my cell phone, of course. My home phone isn’t really a necessity, but is a part of the tv/internet package. I was actually able to cover this bill for the month today, thank og.
Just a little perspective here: we’ve probably all been there at one time or another. Not exactly where you are, but I expect we’ve all felt overwhelmed with situations we didn’t think we could manage. I distinctly remember the day I was down to $20, with a baby, needing groceries, contemplating kiting a check and hoping it wouldn’t clear before payday 2 days away. I could have gone to my inlaws - they’d have gladly helped - but when you’re an adult, you don’t want to have to ask Mommy and Daddy for help. We got thru it, and 25 years later, it’s just a scary memory. And during those 25 years, we got financial help from both sides of the family. We’ve also given financial help to both sides of the family as well as our daughter.
When I was in college, contemplating quitting (oh how I hated college) a friend offered this perspective. Bear in mind, we were engineering students, so it’s a little geeky. Your life is a sort of sine wave - it goes up and it goes down. If you could assign a value to each day and plot those values over time, you’d see them rising and falling about a level value. Now, would you want every day to be at that constant value, or are the high points worth slogging thru the lows? And as I thought about it, as bad as the bad times are, I’d hate to give up the good times just to avoid the bad. So if my friend’s hypothesis is accurate, you’ve got a helluva high waiting for you out there some day, right? Or he might have been full of crap… 
Hugs for you and your kid - the thing about teens - if you manage to not sell them to a passing circus, they can grow into socially acceptable human beings one day.
If I may be so nosy, where back east would you be heading?
That would be western North Carolina. I lived there off and on growing up and then for a couple of years as an adult. I have two brothers, and uncle, and tons of extended family there.
Brothers and uncles (and the rest of the extended family) sound like they could be a very good thing for your son, Alice. An uncle telling him, “Hey, you can’t talk to your mother like that,” might make a lot more impression than you saying it.
That’s what I’m thinking. Plus, there he’d have fishing and camping instead of gangbangers and graffiti. Mountains and creeks instead of sunburns and cactus thorns. I think it would just be a more wholesome environment for him. I love it there, and I think that he would, too. Back to nature, out of the city. Whee!
I sent my uncle there an email telling him all about it and asking him to help us get out there and be a part of our support system once we’re there. I haven’t heard back. He’s old, so there’s no telling how often he checks his email. My stomach hurts, I’m so anxious. In the meantime, trying to figure out how to put a houseful of furniture in storage with little $ and my pets… somewhere. I bet living in a homeless shelter will do wonders for my son’s depression. I don’t see how my aunt can sit on her fluffy pile of cash and watch that, but maybe there’s some bigger lesson she sees that I just don’t yet.
My inlaws lived in Sylva for a few years. While I’m not a fan of the mountains, or really anywhere I can’t have a sailboat, it was a pretty area and I can see why some people love it there. I sure hope you can work it out with your brothers and uncle.
One step at a time - maybe you don’t need to move all that furniture, and selling it rather than storing it might be the way to go. Maybe all you keep is what can fit in one U-Haul van.
Now, breathe. In, hold it for a count of two, out, hold for a count of two. Repeat. Better? 
I’m originally from East TN Alice, so I know the beautiful area you’re headed to.
Do you need to put your things in storage? because that would be one more bill. Do you expect to be out on the street really soon or do you have time to arrange a place in NC? I don’t know if you drive, but if you could U-Haul what you need there, maybe sell the rest, that might help.
Here in our area Department of Children and Families (DCF) is a good place to start to find out about a lot of immediate and long-term help. Maybe you could even contact them in NC also. So many agencies are state run but some of them are Federal…people there could tell you what’s available for you. Also United Way is a very good source.
My older son had problems like yours. Most areas have a facility that provides sliding-scale help, even free. Sometimes they can make arrangements for in-patient care. I would go online and look thru the Directory for the area you’re moving to and see what you might be able to start lining up now. It would be great if you already felt connected to the community before you get there. (I mean, besides your family. I’m so glad you have them.)
How imminent is all this? What do you need now, and how can we help further? Wishing the two of you all the best and I agree, you do a shit-load of Good in store for you. hugz
I’m so sorry to hear of all your troubles, Alice. I am offering prayers for you; hope you don’t mind (if so just think of them as positive thoughts from a friend and a whole bunch of her friends that just happen to be in heaven.) I’m so glad to hear you’ve been able to formulate a plan, and pleased that western North Carolina is your home. I have family there, and the fresh mountain air and the love I find there is always rejuvenating.
I, too, face some life struggles currently, but knowing that friends and family love and care for us, and pray for a just resolution to our problem helps a great deal. I hope you can keep us informed about your progress. An extra hug from me, mom-to-mom, as another mother of teenagers. God bless.
I’m really sorry I just now saw this thread. I was surfing the Dope yesterday on my phone (before I conveniently lost it :smack: and had to replace it :smack::smack:) and I wish I would’ve caught it earlier.
I sent you an email. Yay! Email!
xoxo, Alice. You are an amazing mom and I won’t blame you if you throw the kid out the fookin window.
Windows cost money!
I got a call from my employer that closed my office- they’ll let me be a phone operator part-time, and I can do it from home, so that’ll help. Still working on the rent- a lot of places around here want you to be right on the verge of eviction before they’ll even consider helping you. Oh, and yet another threat of suicide from the boy, even though he seemed happy and upbeat at the time- considering going back to the hospital and making a real pain in the ass of myself. I’m breathing.
Well, open the window first. And check your MSN.