I Created A Monster

[PunditLisa]

Foxy40 sure is a mystery. In one thread she complains about her soon-to-be ex-husband and how she’s sick of having to support his lazy ass and how unfair the courts are…and then months later flippantly tosses out that she recently tried to get back together with him and it failed. Huh?

In another thread her co-workers try to steal money from her, then later she brushes it off as no big deal. And finally, her son commits grand larceny against her.

In each thread, she’s in the center of a drama that revolves around…money. You know what my grandma used to say? “Honey, beware of people who are always in the middle of a drama. Cause if it don’t find them, they’ll create one.”

Foxy, you really do have serious money and trust issues. You need to fix yourself before you can ever hope to fix your son.

[Meatros]

@Foxy40

I would respectfully request the mods close this thread now. I think I have vented sufficiently and have been fortunate enough to receive some very good insight, advice, recommendations and useful similar stories. I do so sincerely appreciate the help. Thank you to everyone that contributed with something useful; negative or not. For those who offered nothing but snarky remarks, …yawn…your redundancy was very boring.

It’s not my business AT ALL, but I am curious as to what you intend on doing.

[SomeUserName]

@Foxy40

… For those who offered nothing but snarky remarks, …yawn…your redundancy was very boring.

I am sure that is what your son is thinking as well.

“Mom is whining again about that money I stole…yawn…her redundancy is boring.”

I don’t mean to come off extra snarky but that was my first thought.

[Annie-Xmas]

@SomeUserName

I am sure that is what your son is thinking as well.

“Mom is whining again about that money I stole…yawn…her redundancy is boring.”

don’t mean to come off extra snarky but that was my first thought.

Her son would never think that. He might think “Mom is whining again about that money that I had every right in the world to take…yawn…her redundancy is boring.”

Cause Lord knows he didn’t really steal anything.

[Trunk]

I think he sounds like a fine young American, already well accustomed to consuming things he can’t afford out of vanity and greed.

I figure in about 15 years he can have a mortgage he can’t afford. He’s probably borrowed against his equity to buy a jet ski, a home theater system, and an SUV.

I’d be LESS concerned if the kid was addicted to drugs.

[SomeUserName]

@Annie-Xmas

Her son would never think that. He might think “Mom is whining again about that money that I had every right in the world to take…yawn…her redundancy is boring.”

Cause Lord knows he didn’t really steal anything.

Ahhhh you are correct. Thank You for correcting my error.

@Foxy40

I am in no way defending his behavior. However, in the little shits mind, I really think he sees the money that he took in the same way you see the twenty bucks taken out for the movies. THAT is what I created.

I think you are fooling yourself here. There is no way a 19 year old person thinks that slipping a $20 out of your parents purse or wallet is the same thing as stealing credit cards and checks.

No, no, no.

Even if he had no clue about how credit cards work with payments or interest he knew that what he was doing was wrong. He proved that by hiding the statements.

@Foxy40

…When the check book was empty, he took the next pack so when I went to put the next pack in, it was missing and I reported it as such.

You reported as such to who? Do you have servants or something?

You said you found out about the “theft” after a call from your credit card company so you did not report it missing to your son.

[villa]

@SomeUserName

You reported as such to who? Do you have servants or something?

I’m going to assume to the bank. That would be the first call I would make if I found an entire check book missing. And I don’t have servants either…

[ZipperJJ]

@SomeUserName

You reported as such to who? Do you have servants or something?

You said you found out about the “theft” after a call from your credit card company so you did not report it missing to your son.

Chill. She reported to the bank to put a “stop payment” on that block of checks.

From the OP:

@Foxy40

I then noticed an entire book of checks were gone so I called up the bank and had them do a stop payment.

[SomeUserName]

@villa

I’m going to assume to the bank. That would be the first call I would make if I found an entire check book missing. And I don’t have servants either…

Okay but does the bank not press any charges?

From the original OP

@Foxy40

I noticed a couple were missing out of sequence but assumed I just forgot what I had written them to and would resolve it when I receive my statement. I then noticed an entire book of checks were gone so I called up the bank and had them do a stop payment. Apparently I did this the day after my son cashed a check at one of those cashing places for $200. Of course, it bounced which resulted in my getting a letter from the establishment that I am responsible for the “bad check” I wrote. After getting the copy, I saw to whom it was made payable. My option at that point was to file a police report or pay the darn thing to prevent my son being prosecuted. I paid it.

It sounds like he stole several checks in the middle of the check book but they must have passed through and where paid with out her knowledge. Then he stole an entire pack and at least used one which in turn bounced.

Since the bounced check was from a pack she reported stolen would the bank not inform the police and give them the name that the check was made out to?

Don’t banks try to prosecute for stuff like that? Does a bank or the law for that matter not consider that fraud?

[TokyoBayer]

@Foxy40

Close but no. All these things were discovered essentially at once. He wasn’t caught with one thing and moved onto the next. When the card didn’t work, he took a check. When the check book was empty, he took the next pack so when I went to put the next pack in, it was missing and I reported it as such. It all hit the fan at once after the phone call from American Express. It took about six weeks for him to burn through $2500 or so about two weeks after that for me to find out.

Could you help me keep this straight? From the OP

My son has spent thousands of dollars at games stores, target, walmart and restaurants. THOUSANDS of dollars. He would use one until it was no longer good. put it back in my wallet and take another one. When I finally found out what he was doing, I locked up all my cards in my safe. That is when he started stealing my checks. I noticed a couple were missing out of sequence but assumed I just forgot what I had written them to and would resolve it when I receive my statement. I then noticed an entire book of checks were gone so I called up the bank and had them do a stop payment.

This doesn’t sound like it happened at the same time.

Here, you say that the amount is $2500. In the OP, quoted above, it’s “THOUSANDS.” From this post,

If I have $300 left a month and you have run up $4500 dollars in bills, my minimum payments are more than that amount. It was an important conversation and perhaps I could have kept my salary “secret” but I didn’t see the point. I wanted the lesson to be based on reality.

I can hope you can understand people’s confusion.

[ZipperJJ]

@SomeUserName

Don’t banks try to prosecute for stuff like that? Does a bank or the law for that matter not consider that fraud?

It is, if you press charges. But she’s not.

The bank’s not out any money, she is. They’ll help you if you want to press charges but if you don’t, what do they care?

[villa]

If you tell the bank there is a missing book of checks, and to stop payment of any not cashed, I doubt there will be any prosecution. Why should they care? They aren’t out of pocket.

It seems one check from the book was cashed, and bounced. Foxy made good on that check. Were other checks to be showing up, the bank might be interested.

[Jodi]

@Foxy40

I am in no way defending his behavior. However, in the little shits mind, I really think he sees the money that he took in the same way you see the twenty bucks taken out for the movies. THAT is what I created.

You continue to make excuses for his behavior. No one with a functioning brain stem thinks systematically stealing and maxing out a series of credit cards, and then moving on to checks, to the tune of $2500 in six weeks, is the same as taking $20 for the movies.

The only way you can defend his behavior is by painting him as too stupid to be outside without a helmet and an escort. You do him no favors by infantilizing him in this way. If you want him to act like an adult, treat him like one. But I should probably save my breath; you have solicited advice but it’s clear you have no intention of taking it. Which, y’know, fine. Best of luck to you both.

[Dangerosa]

@Trunk

I’d be LESS concerned if the kid was addicted to drugs.

I think its the same thing.

Either the kid is (how did Jodi put it…escort and helmet?) or

he is addicted to having stuff. To spending money. To relative wealth and privledge. And that is as much an addiction - and as much a problematic addiction - as drugs or alcohol. It won’t ruin your liver, but it will leave you broke and broken and alone. It can set up a gambling addiction or criminal behavior (oh, wait, we are already there).

or

He’s already just a crook.

Foxy seems to think its door number 2 - and that seems not unlikely for a kid who has a trust fund and a mom who seems to have spoiled him rotten and who has significant money issues herself (e.g. five sets of china). But I wouldn’t brush that off as “well, it isn’t drugs!” because a spending addiction is still an addiction.

[fessie]

In a sense that stolen $20 is the moral equivalent of $2500. Because it’s stolen. And if stealing itself doesn’t matter, why would the amount make any difference?

[ivylass]

@Annie-Xmas

It was Theo, talking about how he didn’t have to do good in school because “We have money.” “My Wife & Kids” made the same speech to Claire.

I remember Vanessa sitting at the kitchen table, moaning about how hard something was, how jealous her friends were because “we” have money.

To which Bill Cosby leans across the table and sets her straight, saying, “Your mother and I have money. You have NOTHING!”

[Annie-Xmas]

@ivylass

I remember Vanessa sitting at the kitchen table, moaning about how hard something was, how jealous her friends were because “we” have money.

To which Bill Cosby leans across the table and sets her straight, saying, “Your mother and I have money. You have NOTHING!”

I saw a clip from The Osbournes where Ozzy was basically telling Kelly the same thing, but he stated something like: “As long as you live here and I pay your medical bills, I own your vagina.”

I betcha Vanessa Huxtable never got it put quite that way, which is ironic, with Cliff being a OB/GYN.

[monstro]

@ivylass

I remember Vanessa sitting at the kitchen table, moaning about how hard something was, how jealous her friends were because “we” have money.

To which Bill Cosby leans across the table and sets her straight, saying, “Your mother and I have money. You have NOTHING!”

Yeah, that was the episode when she got in a fight. Vanessa was the bad-ass kid in the family.

[Giraffe]

@Foxy40

I would respectfully request the mods close this thread now. I think I have vented sufficiently and have been fortunate enough to receive some very good insight, advice, recommendations and useful similar stories.

Fair enough. I’m going to go ahead and close this. Anyone who wants to continue to discuss any issues that came up during the course of the thread is welcome to start a new one.