My kid's mother is a sociopath

My son’s mother is a sociopath.

Here’s the story;

My son, during his junior year in high school, enlisted in the Army National Guard. During the summer break between his junior and senior year, he went off to basic training at Fort Knox in Kentucky (his first time away from home). Before leaving, he set up a savings account so that the military could wire him his pay via direct deposit.

While he was at basic, his mother called his bank and reported his ATM card lost, and requested that a new one be sent to her address. The card came about 10 days later, followed by the new PIN number in a separate mailing.

She then proceeded to steal every last dime of his military pay!! I’m talking about all of it…his basic training pay, his sign-on bonus… everything!

When he came home and discovered all his money gone (thousands of dollars), she suggested that it was either a bank mix-up, or a military mix-up. She sat back and allowed him to chase this lie for months, getting many people at the bank and the military involved in trying to track down his money. Naturally, they did not find any accounting errors.

It gets worse…

I suggest that he report it as a theft to the police (I suspect her, but don’t want to make any accusations about his mother for his sake). When he brings the forms home and asks his mother to help him fill them out, she gets scared and confesses. He is blown away!

She promises to pay him back, and writes him a couple of checks for about half the amount. He deposits them, then withdraws the cash immediately because he doesn’t trust her now.

She stops payment on the checks!!!

Now my son, 18 years old and just getting started, owes his bank several thousand dollars!

He is, understandably, furious, and expresses as much. She calls the police and tells them that he’s lost his mind…that she needs to be protected from him. He almost gets arrested!

Then she kicks him out of her house…throws all his stuff out into the driveway.

I want to **** this bitch!!

The police say that he cannot press charges because he has already accepted repayment terms. Unbelievable.

Everyone I’ve talked to, police included, agree that he has been greatly wronged. The psychological effects alone are devastating. But the kid cannot get any vindication…he’s got no one on his side, and that makes me so fucking angry.

Ironically, this bitch currently works as a home health aid (after eight years on welfare), and is in charge of the financial matters of several seniors who use her agency. One of them has already reported shortages in his bank account. She was investigated, but insisted that this particular senior had Alzheimer’s…and they believed her!!! She got away with that one too.

Nothing would give me more pleasure than to see this nut get what she deserves. Forgive me, but I can honestly say that I would rejoice in her demise. I mean, it’s clear that I can’t stand her, but my son did nothing to deserve what she did to him.

Your kid needs a lawyer, seriously.

Yeah, it sounds like you just got the view of the police. I am guessing that a lawyer would be able to offer significantly more options. Revenge is nice, but you want to think of the kid. He has been through a lot and any more legal action against his own mom than is necessary to retrieve his money will probably not help out his mental state. Where is he living now? Has he moved in with you?

I’ve set him up in his own apartment (studio). He’ll live there for the next month before traveling to South Carolina (Fort Jackson) to complete Advanced Individual Training.

I always knew this woman was disturbed, but I tried to limit my negative opinions about her when talking to my kids. Now I wonder if I should have prepared him somehow for this shit. Because I kept my mouth shut, he never saw it coming.

A point or two of clarification is needed. First, how can the bank take action on his account at her request? The only answer I find is that the account may have been in both their names. Obviously that’s a huge mistake. If it was in her name, then he has no recourse as it was also her money: shared account.

Second: Why is he keeping that account?!?! Military regulations provide for temporary exceptions to mandatory direct deposit. He can go to any military pay/personnel office and get action taken to have his military pay deposited directly into a new account.

If she’s willing to lie to her own son, she’s willing to lie to the bank. She may also have had power of attorney to act in his behalf, even though she may not have been on the account as a joint owner.

Your son needs a lawyer ASAP. I know it’s a stressful situation, but he needs to get it resolved, and a lawyer can give him all the options.


Could you tell me what state she works in? My mother uses home-health aides, and I want to make damn sure she’s not among them!

From what I understand, she simply contacted the bank and stated that he was at basic training, had told her he lost his ATM card, and asked that she call and request a new one for him. When she said she was his mother, that’s all they seemed to need.

He has opened a second account (different bank) and placed a request with the military that they re-route his money to the new account, but he was told that the request would take several months to clear the necessary channels and it has indeed been several months with the money still going into the old account.

I should probably sit down with him on the computer and check his credit history, as she has all of his necessary info to apply for credit accounts in his name. Christ.

Upstate New York.

Thing is, she’ll continue to rip folks off and, somehow, get away with it…even when they report it. I don’t get it.

:eek: Get him a lawyer! She might very well have blackened his credit via identity theft. Such things are not uncommon. :frowning: Let the lawyer see what can be done about getting his money back etc. Good luck.

What a terrible story. I have no advice, but am sending supporting thoughts to you and your son.

I wouldn’t worry about this. On the evidence of her past behaviour she will be unable to resist temptation and doesn’t seem skilled enough or murderous enough to cover her tracks. I imagine it’s just a matter of time.

I’m pretty sure there’s some moral reason why it would be wrong to beat her to death with a board with nails in it, but for the life of me I can’t figure out what it is.

Unnecessary and avoidable trauma caused to the board and the nails? :rolleyes:

Naughty naughty bank then. :mad: One can see that they might call this “trying to be helpful”, but to my mind the bank is seriously at fault here. I reckon your laws would agree with me, but I don’t know.

It’s a lousy situation, but I don’t think you can save him from dealing with a lawyer or two, and, yes, look out for possible credit problems.

Plus, of course, if she steals from her own son, then I won’t be surprised tht she steals from her elderly patients. I hope something stops her soon.

He needs to see a lawyer before he goes to AIT. It shouldn’t have taken several months to change banks for direct deposit. All military pay is done electronically; it may take a few pay cycles, but not several months.

He also needs to talk to the bank that is getting his pay and have his account flagged for identity theft; he also needs to do this with the three credit bureaus. A bad credit report can hurt his Guard career badly, even if it’s not his fault.

And, to reiterate: He needs to see a lawyer ASAP.


Malacandra beat me to it. Hopefully, not with a nail-filled board.

It seems to me that if he was 17, a legal minor when she made this request, then perhaps the bank has an out. Was his Mom’s house his legal address? Was that where his bank statements were going? If he was 18 at the time the bank has no business sending out a new card and a new pin to a voice on the phone. It could have been anyone calling. If that’s the case the bank is at fault although they will deny it. He needs a lawyer.
His Mom is a sick lying thief and he’s not showing her any love by letting her get away with it and listening to her lies. She needs consequences. It’s role reversal.
Parents sometimes have to be tuff when kids break the law. She needs to pay the price. The son needs to realize it’s not his fault and at this point in his life he doesn’t owe it to her to let it go. He’d actually be doing the best thing for her by making her deal as an adult should.

Have the man get a lawyer. IIRC base legal services can help.

Also, if you want to grease the wheels, have your son contact his local representatives - given the current political climate, any politician will turn handstands to help him get his money, and get things straightened out. We’re coming up on an election cycle, and I know that the local US Rep for my upstate NY district (Louise Slaughter, D) is very, very good at getting help for her constituents. Even if the politicians can’t do anything directly, simply being able to tell the bank, cops and anyone else involved that the local US Rep is aware of the problem and wants to see it corrected can grease more than a few wheels.

And, for Og’s sake, have him set up a savings allotment from his paycheck, immediately. That may go through faster than the change of Direct Deposit, and can be set up to go the same account as the Direct Deposit is supposed to be changed to.

That’s a legal opinion, and I’d suggest that the police aren’t qualified to give one. I’d pursue the charges with a CO.