Ok, now please explain to me just what part of that is not CREEPY ILLEGAL STALKING and TRESPASSING?
So, how exactly did she discover you were the lawn mower? Figure it out on her own? Just guess it was you? Or maybe she remarked on it and you owned up? Or did you straight up say you did it? How did the reveal unfold exactly?
He’ll need to ask random people on a message board before he’s able to answer this question.
Incidentally, the OP’s occasional use of the word “surprise” reminds me of stuff my dad used to do, surprising people with unannounced visits and on one occasion surprising me with a reunion with a foster kid he and my mom had hosted in the 1970s and whom I didn’t recognize because of course we hadn’t seen each other since we were children. If this made you feel awkward or uncomfortable, that was just you overreacting and now he was justified in acting like his feelings were being hurt, his generosity rudely rebuffed etc.
It was blatant passive-aggression with a veneer of “but my intentions were good” and one of his less endearing habits, and he wasn’t that endearing in general.
Adverbs are where it’s at.
Creepy and inappropriate. You definitely crossed a line there, OP.
Interesting that you either didn’t ask your wife’s advice before doing this highly creepy thing, or you did, she told you not to, and you blew her off, just like you’ve blown off the advice, feelings, and lived experiences of every woman in this thread. I have zero evidence you’re a good person and a mountain of evidence that you trample over people’s boundaries, get defensive rather than listening even when you’ve solicited feedback, mock and belittle women for their well-founded fears, and probably make up details as you go along to make yourself look better.
When I generously make a woman breakfast in bed I expect thanks; not a lot of “Who are you?”, “How did you get in here?” and “I’m calling the police!”. What has happened to simple manners; I wonder?
Just speculating here; the OP knew it was a bad idea but went ahead anyway because he was anticipating that the woman would negatively react and he derives satisfaction out of lamenting that people are such snowflakes nowadays. She disappointed him by simply thanking him a few times, so he thought he’d try the story over here in order to get his post #163 moment.
LiveFree, by your own threads, you have shown a pattern of doing things that make people uncomfortable. You have shown a pattern of looking up information beyond the casual interest, and using that info for your own purposes. That kind of behavior is troubling. Especially when it confronts the person directly.
Maybe you are sincere that you only have good, honest, non-threatening intentions, but your intentions mean squat when other people have to evaluate their own perceived personal safety. Guessing at someone’s name from their license plate or using an overheard last name not used when introduced to you and then looking up tax records and other information, regardless of them being public records, is stepping on the boundaries of polite behavior.
And then your attitude in the thread has been a bit dismissive of people’s stated concerns, saying they “exacerbate” (exaggerate?), that a poster “blew that way out of proportion”. Other comments show that you appear to at least consider the positions, but previous threads have told you this kind of thing is creepy and you continue.
Looking up someone on Facebook is fine, but if you’re going to comment on it, probably best to preface your remarks by a) commenting via Facebook, and (or at a minimum) b) prefacing your remarks with “so I came across your Facebook page and noticed…”. Don’t jump right in with “How is your brother doing?” when the coworker hasn’t mentioned his/her brother to you. That kind of “where did you find that out?” is the kind of discord that makes folks uncomfortable, i.e. is creepy.
Wanting to do a kindness for a “friend” is admirable, wanting to make it a surprise is interesting. But be aware not everyone likes surprises, even surprise favors. Some of us are unhappy, for instance, to come home and find our parents redecorated our bedroom and moved everything around while we were away at summer camp. Good intentions, and it seems ungrateful to be annoyed at having our stuff moved around, which only adds to the frustration of the event. Couple that with it being someone you only know at the gym, only “knows” your first name (because you haven’t told them your last name), and add in the gender issue, and now that is a more serious issue, not just a family being nice, but an acquaintance stepping beyond the bounds of the established relationship.
The proper thing is to ask to do a favor. Surprises are overrated.
You might be harmless, but plenty of harmful people disguise themselves as harmless.
You know, this gets confusing. In some threads we are not supposed to treat women any differently at all because that is just stereotyping and archaic. Yet in some cases we are to treat women as if they are in 1588 Elizabethan England because they are delicate flowers that cannot conform to the scary people that they see in society and likely need protection from their husbands. Which is it?
When I post here, I am doing so as some guy who likes to come here for entertainment and/or education. I am not posting here as a lawyer. This was a poll asking if a person should be thankful or not. I don’t recall a request for legal advice.
That being said, of course I would not advise anyone to do this. But this idea that was briefly mentioned that you could shoot someone you saw outside mowing your lawn is frightening to say the least, especially when those making that statement are likely those who would otherwise argue against gun ownership, and it seems to me that if they think that way, then that is what colors their thoughts.
As far as being criminal, in my state, unless there are no trespassing signs posted, there must be a command to leave the property which is refused before criminal trespass becomes an issue.
This is several steps removed from danger. Sure the guy who mows your lawn COULD be the next Ted Bundy, but it is not reasonable to make that assumption without more.
Further, I noted above that an invasion into your home is far more serious than mowing your grass, which is exposed to the public.
But, to the majority of the thread, let’s have a sterile society where nobody does anything nice for someone else. Let’s always assume the worst of people and keep our distance. I mean, don’t invite the neighbors over because one of them could be a murderer for all you know. Put razor wire up around your house in case someone violates the sanctity of your yard by mowing it. I’m sure that will be better for everyone.
Setting aside the"confusion" on how to empathize with delicate flowers of womanhood, or whether we need the protection of our husbands, and ALSO setting aside the question of whether looking up last names, addresses, marital status, family history and whatever you want to go “surprise” someone by being"nice" well result in a sterile society where no one is ever kind or nice to each other at all- for now- I want to clarify the isolated part here.
If I find out where you live, go to your home and discover no signs, I can hang out there all day every day as long as you’re not there to tell me to leave? No trespass involved? Can I store stuff on your property (again, only accessing my stuff when you and your family are gone) ?
For the sake of clarity, I mean in your back yard or something. Not IN the house. But can I put up a tent, maybe camp out there?
I know. It’s so confusing to know how to treat women properly. It’s almost like they are real people in different situations.
Who would’ve thought??
UltraVires, you’ve proven for months (years?) that this is obviously very difficult for you. The best course of action is to avoid discussing and engaging with women here completely.
As a white person, I have to say that it’s so hard to know how to treat black people. I mean, they’re supposed to be equal right? They don’t want to be treated like special flowers. So I don’t get why they worry about encountering the police so much. it doesn’t bother me–why should they be worried? The police are just trying to be helpful!
Let’s exclude the middle while we’re at it!
And we, delicate flowers that we are, cannot “conform” to the scary people- but look! A little over 10% thinks it was nice, and nearly 90% think it was creepy to some degree or another. And yet we are supposed to conform to UV and LF’s standards of behaviour?
Why the bloody hell should we conform?
Of course not. It the property owner sees you, he or she can eject you. But you will not be arrested (at least in my state) if you did not pass over “No Trespassing” signs or if the property owner has not previously told you to stay out.
In this situation if the police are called, the camper will be served by the police with a notice to stay the hell out and if the camper comes back again, he or she could be arrested.
Same with our OP, although the woman who had her lawn mowed for free seems happy about it, just like I would be.
They are real people in the same situation, but are asking, at least in this thread, to be treated differently. I thought that was bad because in almost every other instance, you may not treat a woman differently lest you be accused of misogyny.
This seems to be your answer for most of these things. If you are a man, then just shut up. I don’t think that is conducive to reasoned debate and is insulting.
My opinion is more respectful to women in that I give them the benefit of the doubt that even if they find something “creepy” they don’t take the next three or four missteps of logic and either shoot the lawnmower or think he is Ted Bundy. You seem to be arguing that only men are capable of being rational in this situation.
If the genders were reversed and I was in that situation (can we say that women are just as likely to mow grass as men?) and I came home to find my grass cut, I would certainly be surprised. If I found out it was a woman from work who did it, I would certainly thank her and tell her it was not necessary and the next step would depend on how well I knew her, what I thought her intentions were, and yes, indeed, I would at least keep a corner of my eye out to ensure that she wasn’t a crazy stalker who would kill my wife and cook the pet rabbit for dinner a la Fatal Attraction.
However (and I don’t really have a pet rabbit) I wouldn’t immediately think that she was crazy and I damned sure wouldn’t shoot her if I saw her in the yard with a lawnmower.
There are a hell of a lot of nice people in the world who do nice things for other people, but this new attitude is killing that. Remember all of the old guys that used to pat little girls on the head and give them lollipops? Yeah, that doesn’t happen anymore because people now think those guys are child molesters. Just for being nice to a sweet little girl!
So, yeah, keep that look out of the corner of your eye. But don’t think that everyone has some malevolent intent. Anymore, if they are mean to you, it’s bad, but if they are nice, they are also bad because they are just hiding that mean intent that will surely be next.
And I’m not innocent of it either. I don’t think the OP wants to do harm to the lady, but as I said before, I think he is sweet on her. I know I hate mowing my own grass, let alone a co-worker’s.
Finding out where someone lives in this day and age is dead easy.
There’s some guy who comes around my neighbourhood selling frozen products door-to-door. This week I accidentally learned his full name and address because he made a comment on social media.