I did not knock the tree over- I swear.

A new guy that I have been dating called me and asked me to join him for dinner at a friend’s house last night. I was a touch nervous because I am pretty interested in this guy (so far) and I know friend approval can be important so I at least hoped to make a good impression.

The couple’s home was lovely and they had just put up a beautiful real Christmas tree and my date told me to comment on how nice it looked if I wanted the Missus to like me. He said she worked very hard all day putting it up and seemed very proud of it when he spoke to her earlier in the day.

So the men were in the kitchen cooking Kung Pow and me and the lady of the home were in the den sitting next to the tree having wine. Their cute little kitty was curled in my lap and we were chatting and getting on well. I was enjoying my night.

Well the wife stood and walked upstairs and as she got out of sight…the beautiful tree just CRASHED. It was awful. I was sitting across the room (had not moved for maybe a half hour because kitty was in my lap) so it did not hit me. The cat (naturally) spazzed out and ran and everyone came running into the room and I was just sitting there looking dumbfounded and shocked.

I felt so bad for them. The husband picked it up and they all joked, Oh my Gosh Mint Julep! What did you do? I laughed and helped them pick up the ornaments, but I got the feeling they were half way not joking? My date was very nice and thanked me for helping them clean and the homeowners were greatful also, but I swear I am not sure they believed they I had nothing to do with the tree crash?

Oh well.

Why do you hate America?

I think we have identified a soldier in the War on Christmas. Get her! Burn her!

Why do you hate the baby Jesus?

Contrary to popular belief, Baby Jesus was not American.

Much like the croaking tree frogs who bear the blame for farts in my house, the cat is ALWAYS to blame if the tree falls. Even if Mint Julep was not directly involved with knocking the tree over this time, he was plotting to knock it over. Cats are skulky 'round Christmastime…

Nor was he born in the middle of a bucolic snow-covered European village, surrounded by a set of train tracks which go nowhere, under a gigantic pine tree.


If none of that is true, then how come the Bible is in ENGLISH?!?!?!


Answer me that, you Commie Pinko Liberal! And while you’re at it, tell me what’s next in your plan to destroy this great nation of ours!
Are you tryin’ to tell me the Lord Jesus Christ couldn’t hit a curveball?!?

Christ is really more of a basketball player. Things didn’t work out so well when he took a basketball hiatus and tried baseball.

I thought I’d help elect a Democratic president and get us out of Iraq.

Well, of course he can!

Well you could have at least yelled “TIMBER” before knocking over their tree. You also scared the poor kitty.

Oh man I wish I had thought of that. Humor eluded me at the moment and horror had a pretty good grip on me (and the kitty) though. :smack:

Is this the time to confess that my nativity scene has, besides the usual cast, a headless horseman?