:: shakes fist at Jeff Olsen and his dastardly simulposting ways ::
I eat my peas with honey.
I’ve done it all my life.
It may sound kind of funny,
but it keeps them on my knife.
I do not like peas in my penne a la vodka
I do not like them; I find them very oddka…aaaaaah, forget it.
Peaing in your rice is still better than peeing in your Cheerios.
I have no doubt, as lieu does say,
He’ll launch his lunch in a fine spray.
But wonder, much to my dismay,
The fountain would head in which way?
If it’s in a lieu bathroom thread,
Which way it goes we might dread.
For when lieu goes to the head,
Everything within ten miles is dead.
Fatcat would agree with Eve.
He sifts his food as if through a sieve.
Though canned food is oft much like a stew
Green peas are something he just will NOT chew.
“Mix it thoroughly; he won’t know!”
Is misguided as he’ll show.
He’ll sort the peas out from his food
He’ll glare at you in a beligerent mood.
He feels his food was contaminated.
Only by sorting he reluctantly ate it.
You’ll find his bowl empty, Fatcat asking for more
But all those green peas are piled up on the floor.
Come on, Eve, give peas a chance.
So bears and donkeys like their rice
With greenish bits. They think it’s nice.
Then add the meat! Have a good time!
But not in here - it doesn’t rhyme!
…
No peas for me! I’ll take it plain.
Peas are surely rice’s bane.
Side veggies, though, with green pea pods
Will make us all just eat like gods!
I, too, am a hater of the humble pea,
Rolling 'round on my plate, staring smugly at me.
To destroy them, I asked hubby for a blender, please;
Now I hit “puree” and strive for whirled peas.
My regard for you would badly fall
If you’re saying you’re a cannibal.
Is there a missing “of” or “with”?
If not, then your soul’s a myth!
Leaper, I fear I bring bad news,
of a graphic nature, please excuse.
Eve has missed no preposition,
She’d “eat her out,” by her admission.
It’s time you’ve learned your vulgar slang,
“Eating out” involves putang!
I must confess I did at first
misread Eve’s post, and feared the worst
I gnashed my teeth and clutched my head
"Not a miscegenation thread!
"Not from Eve – she’s much too cool
“to be that kind of hateful fool!”
I read again – to my relief
it justified my disbelief
For Eve’s goal was (and this no vice)
the purity of the white rice
So I read on – Peas!-- made me laugh!
(and I so love a good pilaf)
While when I cook rice I employ them,
I don’t insist that Eve enjoy them
Though with carrots cardamom and cumin–
Enough of that. I’m only human
I want to help, I really do
But this nagging deja vu…
A musty classroom, nigh forgotten
I have the sense the answer’s not in
culinary principles, vis:
gustatory miscellany
I’ll think of it, just give me time…
Aha! I have it! And – it rhymes!
This is not a cooking topic
Pea or not Pea? That’s a frolic
Intro to Symbolic Logic
(This verse born of vodka tonic)
Thus rigor do we need apply
Scientific rules, and I
experimented with a child
A specimen plucked from the wild
of my back yard. It’s perfect! She’s
a fan of rice, but can’t stand peas.
A bowl of both was soon prepared
The scientist (that’s me) repaired
behind a blind where I could see
the parting of the rice and pea.
I now submit for your approval
the ultimate in pea removal
The child saw peas and curled a lip
and used a chopstick’s tapered tip
to flick those peas out of her plate
clean out of sight, near’ out of state!
The rice remained as subject flicked 'em
The world had one less green-pea victim
So I urge** Eve** her peas to flick
by using King of Soup’s kid’s trick.
(btw, Eve, thanks for the kind words elsewhere. I’m afraid you’ll have to recant now.
I can’t be in public with friends or as a loner,
This disservice to me is not too nice,
See, to keep down this perma-boner,
It has to be packed in ice.
Still I must say in the voice of Homer,
“Mmmmm…Eve eating out Heidi Fleiss.”
I love you guys - you’re all so nice
I’m loving reading rhymes about peas and rice
I sip my Coke and spew and choke
I am at work and try not to laugh
while reading about “rice pilaf”
I find this amazin’
peas are worth praisin’
I puke though, while grazin’
my rice with some raisin.
I’m in this tread, I’ll make it worse,
I’ll add this little crappy verse.
We talked of peas and rice and stuff,
We even mentioned Heidie’s muff.
The Bear, the Donkey, they be winkin’,
And Lieu is here and he be stinkin.
It all began because of Eve,
Who doesn’t like her rice with peas
Now I like rice with peas, or not,
And plnnr wants a girl that’s hot.
Soupie taught our Eve a trick,
JS, stop playing with your dick!
Crayon’s cat will work to sort,
And Malka had a Vodka snort.
Marli wants her’s in the blender
And I think that’s how I’ll ender.
If you mention an “ender” now
It’ll make me think of rears, and how!
It’s Heidi that I’d like to bend over
and make her bark like my dog, Rover.
The ship’s arrived, the Eagle’s landing,
Eve’s intent I’m understanding.
I guess my head has got some messing
(and I eat sticky rice with Italian dressing).
Though I hate those peas in rice,
I cannot stomach Heidi Fleiss.
But funny girls I think are nice–
So I would eat out Fanny Brice.