Now there’s a thought that’s purely vice
Our friend Lieu on Heidi Fleiss
Eve can eat her friend named Fanny
Me, I’d rather do the Nanny
Thinking sex all day and nite
Is workin’ up my appetite
It won’t be rice, it won’t be peas
Steak n eggs for breakfast, please
I tell the tale of old Doc Atkins
In carbs his diet was sorely lackins
He would not eat peas and rice.
Even peas were hardly nice.
No ice cream. No potatoes.
He would eat meat & tomatoes.
Car’bs are a very nasty vice.
One day Doc Atkins slipped on the ice.
He slipped and cracked his little head
And old Doc Atkins was declared dead.
He went to meet his final fate.
He thought he’d reached the pearly gate.
Instead the fire made him choke.
He asked them for a diet Coke.
Instead he was given a beer.
He told them “Get me out of here.
I want unsweetened, cold ice tea.
Cause carbs would be the death of me.”
They said he could have his wishes
And prepared a table with many dishes.
As Doc Atkins uncovered the first dish.
he thought “Please let it be some fish.”
There was no fish (not even a shell).
This wasn’t heaven. It was hell.
Instead of a juicy, rare beef roast,
There was a plate of well done toast.
And old Doc Atkins began to scream.
When he uncovered a dish of ice cream.
Yes, old Doc Atkins began to bellow
"I want a dish of diet Jello.
There’s nothing here that I eat.
You’ve even ruined all the meat!
There’s raisin sauce upon the ham,
And mint jelly glaze upon the lamb.
The steak is mixed up with potatoes.
There’s cornmeal breading on the tomatoes.
Old Doc Atkins was feeling bereft.
And there were only two dishes left.
Old Doc Atkins said "Pretty please.
I am getting down on my knees.
I want a simple piece of cheese.
He uncovered the plate–rice and peas.
“Well, I don’t think that’s very nice.
You know I think carbs are a vice.
Please do not do that to me twice.”
On the second plate–peas and rice.
I used to run fast down the halls
for rice with green peas made in balls
Italian treats for hungry tums
Made fresh for me by someone’s mum.
These balls were most supremely fine
No pea was shucked if past it’s prime.
The rice was firm and not too gooshy
A mouthful warm and not too mushy.
Our peas had gone to meet their maker
Not a butcher or a baker
They were immersed in cooking pyre
The tasty greasy deepest fryer.
Ablaze with breadcrumbs, bits of cheese
The rice commingled with the peas
Like co-eds heated at the dance
Unable to restrain their pants
Each wrinkled greenish ball of flavor
Rolling on the tongue well savored.
I’d borrow deep and far and wide
So proud of peas, I loved them fried
In balls of rice with paprika dashed
We loved those balls, and were aghast
If they ran short at dinner time
These peas and rice balls,
Oh
So
Fine…
Cartooniverse
There once was a doper named Eve,
Who said “Rice mixed with peas makes me heave!
If I go to a place,
That sticks that dish in my face,
I’ll get up, storm out, and leave!”
So Eve walks into a restaurant
and says “Take my rice, peas!”
Eating them together just isn’t her wont,
so she turns around and flees.
I’ve read this thread and how it goes.
I like to put peas up my nose
Then lean my head back and sneeze real hard
And shoot them into my neighbor’s yard!
Clothahump your post made me laugh real hard.
Your sneezing peas into your neighbor’s yard.
But what memories that post brings
Of Dopers and their wedding rings!
I suppose, with enough velocity,
Peas could go into the next city.
But mush would be all left of those peas
Would be disgusting mush. Geez!
Gosh I wish I had good timing,
And indeed mad skills at rhyming,
But even delicate tatonnement,
Will not create rapprochement,
Between me and the universe
of rhyme, meter, and verse.
So let me say,
With no delay,
Hey!
Eat your fuckin’ peas!
What can I rhyme with Threadspotting?
Rhymezone’s suggestion is blood clotting.
Which fits with our pea sneeze, but nasal, see?
I have an american angelica tree.
Wow, Eve, rhymezone.com has really weird suggestions. American angelica tree never would have come to my mind.
Peas in rice I can take or leave
But I’ve a co-worker who’s not so keen
Like our Eve, my friend hates peas.
Why should this be my concern?
Sometimes we eat communially.
Ordering is so convoluted
From the restaurant we may be booted.
Even then I’d hold my lip
But the boy just won’t tip.
I’d leave him in peace about his peas
If he’d leave more than a dime with the fee.
Marlitharn’s call for whirled peas
reminds me the needs
demanded by patients “under the knife”
of the nurse who is my wife
When asked, “Do you have reaction allergies?”
they respond, “Why yes, to peas”
She asks what happens when
they consume them, and then
they say, with puzzled brow,
“I don’t know, I don’t like them anyhow”
So no medical cause for alarm
the patient will not buy the farm
but I hear these stories
and hope the patients
are better with their estimations
of further ailments and inflamations
If not I fear their vanity
or sanity
has intruded upon reality
and similarly…
A gourmet dish abides with food
of all colors and flavors
ready to be savored
not a place for a gustatory feud
So I say, the rice is meant to be combined
with meats and vegetables of all kinds
The white rice must just appease
and recognize all our greater needs
instead of striving for hurled peas