I don't believe in the telephone anymore.. or

Why does the Spirit of PURE FUCKING IDIOCY persist in making its self known in every caller, every day?



::Throws handset across the room::

Examples, dear girl, examples. That’s the fun part for the reader.

I have a lovely cordless telephone that I am rather fond of.

glarGH: “Aloha, Mailorder Bride Service, May I help you?”

Caller 1: “Whur did ah call? Whuts this here?”

Caller 2: “I’m too much of a dipshit to be polite and say no thank you because I am a drunken hillbilly wanker, so–” *CLICK *

Calller 3: “I can’t use the internet, I’m too stupid to attach things to my hotmail or set up my peoplePC account, so spend 45 minutes trying to help me SET IT UP, I know you DON’T HAVE ANYTHING BETTER TO DO”

Caller 4: Heavy Breathing “I’m the original titty fuck–” CLICK

Caller 5: “Wherez all them chicks at? I want one with big hooters!”

Caller 6: “I am a 55 y.o. divorced man looking for an 18 y.o. Asian/Russian super model. However, I refuse to shut up long enough for you to get a word in edgewise, I am also a drunken, perverted, clueless wanker and AN UNPLEASANT, STUPID BASTARD BESIDES. No wonder my American wife left me and no other American women will come with in a 10 foot radius of me. I will attempt to regale you with “witty” tales and repeat the same drivel to you over and over again because I am just so damn excited to actually being able to talk to a real woman who isn’t charging by the minute–” CLICK

So, Ummm… Yeah.

Jeez, glarGH, I thought you were looking for a new job.


I tried, but if I left, the management would make things shitty for the Mr. SO-Hunny-Tumpkins, who also works here. I kind of like him, despite his obnoxious nature and crappy taste in music.

I don’t even answer the phone that much anymore, but I sure seem to get more than my share of the weird calls when I do help out.