The whole thing is a little bizarre.
Indubitably.
Well, we’re only getting a partial view, here, so sure, maybe Isis is a big ol’ drama queen too. But from what’s been posted in the thread so far I see no evidence of that. I can’t imagine that she’d feel any particular right to personal news from a friend that she’s not particularly close to. I mean, I kinda doubt she expects to be Shiva’s confidant about money worries / marital issues / new job yay!, either – or even to be informed of such issues. It’s just not that kind of relationship, clearly, because it seems they see each other on the order of once or twice a year. Isis isn’t confiding in Shiva, either.
Word.
Geez, shit like this is why I don’t have friends.
I’d stay out of it and if Isis confronts you later, just tell her it wasn’t your place to share the news.
Perfect. My thoughts exactly.
Might I add that I’m getting a strong “Cult of the Child” vibe here. It’s a fucking baby. People get pregnant all the time. And people need to stop treating their pregnancies like it’s some Big Secret that could threaten national security. Get over yourselves.
I try not to get in other people’s drama, it never does any good, and usually creates a lot of resentment from one or both of the other people involved. You’ll be seen as taking sides. I’d keep my mouth shut and let Isis and Shiva deal with THIER drama themselves.
Update: Tuesday, Isis, me, and some other friend is going out for dinner. We’ve invited Shiva and she’s agreed to go, so hopefully this thing will be settled once and for all. The other friend came up with the idea of finding a spare night in Isis’ busy schedule and getting them together for dinner. Looks like its going to happen so I’m hoping nothing last minute comes up, like a meteor impact or some stupid country starting a war, though that shouldn’t impact dinner
I know what reason she has, she told me. She doesn’t want to tell Isis because Isis has been unable, partly due to work, partly due to general flakiness, to see Shiva in person. And I care enough about this situation to get tangled up in it because they are both my close friends and I don’t wish to see them get upset at each other, and I’m being asked not to tell Isis something and put in the position that I had to lie (a few times, Isis asked me what’s up and I had to just lie and say “same old stuff” instead of mentioning, you know, that OMG Shiva’s having a baby!!)
Clarification: Shiva does want to tell Isis about it, this isn’t information she feels only certain people should know. After all, its posted on her husband’s Facebook already. Its the method of transmission that she’s trying to control, judging those who have not seen her as unworthy of knowing the information (though I’m sure a few people peripheral to her social group now know only because of Facebook). The fact that she’s withholding the information from a close friend of ours is what bugs me. Personally, I think she should be more willing to accept that even though Isis is flaky sometimes, other times its because of her job, so just call her up and tell her the damn news already
She has said several times that our group is boring and our parties not as fun as other people’s. I totally agree with that, most of us are not hard partying rebels. Nobody gets drunk at our parties. Some people fall asleep on the couch not because they’re drunk or high, but because they are tired. And it usually ends at a reasonable time, like 10 or 11pm. We watch movies, TV shows, play board games, video games, chat, and play with the pets if there are any. This isn’t a party anyone’s gonna make a movie about
I don’t think I’m reacting to the group dynamics in the way you think I am. I’m fine with our group, I know it changes. I’m not trying to preserve some social hierarchy or anything, I just don’t want one person to get upset when she’s been shut out of a major piece of news
We have accepted it, we just worry about it and occasionally it comes up as a point of conversation. We’re not dragging him out, buying him a suit, and making him take job interviews or anything. I think our reaction to his situation has been completely appropriately sufficient, it just may not come across as that in my posts
I think its ok to do some meddling if its not overboard, which I don’t think we’ve gone, and for their benefit, which it is. If I ever cross the line, I’m sure they’ll say something
I think that Shiva would just shrug it off too, I suspect. She’s not THAT much of a drama queen
Yet another case of Geek Social Fallacies. Primarily GSF3 - “Friendship Before All” - it’s the example situation:
There’s some GSF4 & GSF5 in there as well - Isis & Shiva must remain friends (GSF4), and Isis is being criticized for not attending all social gatherings of “The Six” (GSF5).
It sounds to me as though Isis is pretty much moving on and giving the core group the fade. She pops in from time to time but the message here is clearly “All y’all ain’t quite as important to me as you once were. Still love ya though! Gotta scoot!”
I would also hazard a guess that this is not Isis’s first rodeo with Shiva and her controlling ways. And, btw, Shiva sounds very controlling to me. Anyone who uses The Silent Treatment™ in any form (and withholding “big” information like a pregnancy, IMO, is a form of The Silent Treatment™) is attempting to control the behavior of others. This can’t possibly be the first time Isis will have encountered this shit from Shiva and may very well be one of the reasons she’s giving the core group the fade in the first place.
Tell me, when the group is organizing a party or event, let’s say a potluck, who is making assignments and organizing all the plans? Could it be… Shiva? Has Shiva been following everyone around for the past few years making sure you’ve all got your ID, your dorm keys, cab fare home, and a buddy to walk with? Does she also remind (constantly nag) at people about their potluck food assignments?
I’m guessing either Isis has already figured out that Shiva is pregnant or will not give a shit when she does hear the news. Shiva standing firm on insisting that the ONLY way she will bring Isis into the loop is in a face-to-face conversation smells to me like she’s just being controlling. Shy can’t she text or pick up the phone or * gasp * OMG, go over to Isis’s house and tell her? Because she wants to control Isis. She wants Isis to come to her. The fact that she will get angry if any of the other friends spill the beans says to me “I must control every little thing about this.” (Already I feel sorry for her baby, who may just be helicoptered to death.)
Life is not The Big Chill. Y’all are not sworn by blood to remain BFFs forever and ever. Isis will not be the last friend that Shiva has driven off with her controlling nonsense.
Yeah, but you don’t need to lie. “Shiva has some news that she’s dying to tell you in person. Maybe you could call her up and go get coffee together.”
I don’t see a whole lot wrong with that. There are major life events which are personal enough that in-person is the most meaningful way to share the news, if it’s at all possible. Birth AND death can fall into this category.
And, ultimately – her baby, her decision.
Well, we’re only seeing this through the filter of your own eyes and have to take your word for it, but it honestly wouldn’t surprise me if this were more like:
Isis: Yeah, our parties are pretty low-key.
Yog thinks: Oh, she thinks we’re boring.
Isis thinks: It’s so relaxing!
Well, what can I say. That’s not how you come across. If Isis is an adult, I can’t see how she’d think it was that big a deal.
Well, this here is our fundamental disagreement. AFAIC, adults do not meddle. They can ask “Can I help?” but should NOT be doing anything that directly affects someone else without that person’s consent. If the answer is No, an adult should abide by that.
I’ve had friends meddle. One became an ex-friend for a year, until she sent me, via snail mail, a surprise lengthy letter apologizing. We’re approximately acquaintances now. We’re friendly but I sure don’t go out of my way to interact with her, because she’s made it clear I cannot trust her.
The other meddling friend is still an ex-friend. She hasn’t apologized and I never expected that she would, so I moved on once I made it clear that she was never to do that again.
In both cases, and a key point about what meddling is, is that their meddling was geared toward what they wanted for my life, and not what I wanted. Don’t presume to take control of someone else’s life. They will not appreciate it.
Ok, you’re gonna probably think Shiva’s a really horrible person after I tell you this, but you just have to trust me that she’s not. Everybody has quirks and tendencies. Hell, if people knew what I was thinking half the time, they’d want to lock me away and throw away the key!
Shiva is kind of controlling. The guy that she’s whipped into a doormat, let’s call him Elvis, there used to be another. Both of them were her slaves, doing whatever she asked. She’d mess with them by taking their driver’s licenses, or keeping their jackets if she liked it, or calling them up randomly because she didn’t want to do errands or go to the market alone. They live only about 10 mins away so its not a big problem. You have to understand though that they never complained about it and always took it as a joke, so you can’t blame Shiva for doing it, it was just her way of showing affection. She tried to do the same to me but I thought it was annoying so I told her to knock it off.
Isis also used to date Elvis, and she said to me that it was annoying that whomever she dated, Shiva always seemed to get really close to and get between them. It got to the point where when we were in college and Isis went a dozen miles away and lived at her school, she would never bring over her boyfriends to our gatherings because she didn’t want Shiva to get overly attached to them and sorta “take” them away, even though Shiva never really did that in my estimation. Anyways, sometimes I think Isis is overreacting, and sometimes Shiva does take it a bit far, but they are still friends even though they are not best friends like they used to be in high school.
As far as organizing events, Shiva does sorta do it a lot of it, but its not because she’s controlling, I think its just because nobody else would listen to anyone else and we need a leader. Like, for example, I once tried to plan something and gave everyone a month to prepare but in the end only a few people showed up. So usually its either Shiva or this other girl in our group that calls these parties or gatherings together and the rest of us just sorta follow that. Its not because she’s controlling, just that nobody else takes anyone else seriously I guess
I am not sure, and don’t quote me on this, but Shiva would probably be annoyed that I let out the news that something big has happened even if I didn’t say exactly what it was
Well no, she’s actually said to me, in these exact words: “Our group is kind of boring”
Well Shiva’s an adult too and I think she’s acting like a kid. Never underestimate how people react to things. I’m trying to avoid a big bad reaction, that’s all. If it becomes nothing at all, then I’m grateful
I guess I disagree that this is meddling. I’m trying not just to solve a problem I see occurring, but preventing a problem. The only thing I could be accused of is keeping the secret or not keeping the secret. There’s no way for me to step back and be out of this mess, because if I do that, then I’m essentially keeping the secret. And if Isis freaks out, then I would incur some fault, which I deserve if I didn’t try to solve it by agreeing to that dinner tomorrow night.
Yeah, but if Isis freaks out - at least you’ll still have your jacket, drivers license, and won’t be made into a voodoo doll.
I don’t know what to tell you - I think if her husband has put it on Facebook - you can feel s ewhat guiltless whatever you decide. I would probably err towards not telling - or doing what you are doing - trying to broker a meeting.
Or finding better friends, but I guess at a certain age you are kinda stuck with what you got.
Shiva sounds annoying.
Then Shiva needs to get over herself. And you have my permission to say that to her face. 
I’ve said to my SO “Our dates are kind of boring.” And he has agreed with me. And we’re both pretty happy with our boring dates. “Boring” is not necessarily bad, as long as you have variety, which it appears that Isis does.
Well, my method for dealing with child-adults is not to include them in my life. YMMV.
I disagree, you are meddling. This is an issue for Isis and Shiva to deal with on their own, and if either one tried to put you in the middle (as Shiva has) the appropriate response is “No, I won’t get dragged into the middle of this.” There was, as noted above, a way to allow Shiva her in-person reveal without lying to anyone, and if Shiva isn’t happy with that, then that’s her issue, and you repeat “I won’t get dragged into the middle of whatever this issue is.”
To be honest, you make it out like the only reason all of you are even “friends” is out of history and inertia. That’s fine when you’re 12. But if you’ve got people still acting 12 when you’re all in your 30s, it may be time to just spend more time with better friends.
The long and short of it: you’re bringing a lot of this drama on yourself.
Not true. I’ve had to start over twice in adulthood. Not a move or anything (though I’ve done that too), just discovering that the people I’d considered friends were not so much, so yes, I walked away straight up. I won’t claim it’s easy, but it can be done. And reading threads like this make me incredibly glad that my friends are all pretty drama-free.
You are way too invested in this. Trust me, coming from someone who has far too much drama in his own life (and often getting dogpiled by posters here when I try and solicit advice) the best thing you could do is grab a lawn chair and popcorn and let everything unfold on its own.
The more you tey to “help” the more your loyalties are gonna get shifted around in your friends’ eyes. Not worth the butthurt. I myself had friends/wife/family deliberately stay neutral on drama happening to me in order to keep it from escalating or affecting my relationship with them.
Don’t be like Germany here- ambitious and misunderstood.
Be more like Switzerland, small and neutral 
I will be a secret keeper if someone asks me to be. However, once it’s been released on (Twitter/Facebook), I consider myself relieved of any secret keeping obligations.
Seriously. Don’t be sucked into the drama.
Last update I guess.
Last night the dinner went fine. Shiva showed up near the end of it (she didn’t eat) and surprised Isis. Lots of cooing and happy noises followed. Shiva told her about the baby shower in April so everything’s cool. After dinner we stuck around and chatted for about 30 minutes, talked about the fetus, and other random stuff. Isis is going off on a business trip for a few days and then on vacation, she said she’ll call Shiva when she gets back for a nice long conversation. Also, nobody got mad at me, which was cool. I played with my laser pointer and teased some stray cats
“Luuuucy! How many times haff Fred and I told you and Ethel to not interfere in other people’s business?”
Boy howdy.
Have you ever met any human beings? Because I cannot possibly see how you can have met humans and still think that a human would respond to this kind of intervention in a positive manner.
An intervention is a 12-step-style term for when someone has a major self-destructive pattern in their life, and the people who love them think that they might literally ruin theri life if they don’t change the pattern, so they get together in advance and decide what they’re going to say, and then say it.
What you did is decide that your friend was being kind of a jerk, so while you were chilling (and drinking, maybe?) at a hotel, you figured you gang up on her and tell her she was being kind of a jerk.
From your description, she certainly sounds like a jerk. No way I’d be hanging out with someone who acts like Shiva–and I haven’t, not since I was about twenty (shudder). She’s manipulative, passive-aggressive, and needy.
And surrounding her with a bunch of friends who tell her that she’s being a jerk to another friend? No. She’s not going to respond well to that. Nobody would.
Seriously, why you’d invite absurd drama like this into your life I don’t understand.