I don't freaking speak Chinese, already!

The BBQ Pit
1

Mr. Spammer, I don’t know who the hell told you that I speak Chinese, but you’ve been misinformed. Yes, I know that my e-mail address appears all over the web. And yes, I failed to post my address as “Tom at Hespos.com” rather than the “Tom@Hespos.com” that your web spider undoubtedly picked up.

Does the fact that my address appears only on English-speaking sites tip you off to the fact that I probably don’t speak Chinese? Hell no. You’ve been sending me crap in Chinese for a year now. And no matter how many times I try to unsubscribe, send you e-mail bombs, attach huge and random binaries to return e-mails and engage in other such tactics to get you to leave me alone, you still bug me. In a language that I can’t even understand.

Here’s the kicker. Every time I get one of your spams, my Windows 98SE OS tries to load Chinese language support. It hangs for a minute while the OS tries to figure out what to do, then it asks me if I’d like to install Chinese on my computer. At this point, I can click “cancel” and wait for the next spam you send to hang my machine, or I can hit “OK” and get an error message while my machine tries to install support for a language THAT I CANNOT EVEN READ OR COMPREHEND IN ANY WAY.

I’ve tried installing spam filters. I’ve tried deleting everything that comes from your domain. You get around this by sending from multiple domains. And Outlook 2000 can’t seem to grasp the idea of automatically deleting anything that comes across the wires in Chinese, even though that’s what I would really like it to do.

Understand two things, Mr. Spammer:

  1. Even if you have something I’m even remotely interested in, I CAN’T BUY IT FROM YOU BECAUSE I DON’T SPEAK THE FUCKING LANGUAGE. Get it?

  2. If any high-ranking government officials ever ask me, “Should we go to war with China?” and “Where should we drop the bombs?” my answers will be “Yes.” and “On China’s most wired city,” respectively.

Thank you.

2

Could be worse. They could be spamming you in Esperanto.

3

have you installed the Chinese download so at least you avoid that irritating pop up? I was getting all sorts of crap in Korean, and couldn’t get off the mailing list. First I installed the Korean download, which made it slightly less irritating but still useless as I don’t speak Korean. Finally, one of the Outlook 2000 filter settings did the trick.

Have you tried setting a higher filter level?

4

Wow, I’m still working on not speaking Chinese. How did you master it so quickly?

5

I did on my work PC. No biggie. However, my home PC (which is where I get the majority of my Chinese-language spam) refuses to download the Chinese support. It bitches about not being able to find the update or something equally fucked up.

6

I’m in Taiwan, and they all speak Chinese over here. Must be something in the water…

7

Ooooooo! You’re just waiting for matt_mcl or Sunspace to stomp you now, aren’t you?

8

Ah, the lengths these people will take to get noticed.

I shall rue the day when I get spammed in pure Hebrew, though I have no knowledge of the language.

Hey, at least it’s better then “100% off next insurance!”, is it not?

9

Well, at least most of the characters would display normally and you’d probably be able to make out most of the message, too.

Besides, what would we be selling? Portraits of Zamenhof? The Fundamenta Krestomatio?

10

You could be selling videotapes of that movie with William Shatner.

11

Ok, this goes too far, even for the Pit. :stuck_out_tongue: