Sometimes. But mostly it’s about equal consideration of both your and other peoples’ needs.
Sometimes you’ll choose to put your partners needs ahead of your own, other times you’ll choose to put your own needs ahead of theirs.
It’s all about balance - if you’re always putting the other person’s needs ahead of your own, then you are being a doormat. And if you’re always putting your own needs ahead of your partners, then you’re being an asshole.
Don’t you mean “psychopathy” or “psychopathic personality type” - merely the characteristic of lacking empathy? I always thought sociopaths were regular psychopaths, but with an added mean streak.
I still think his situation is different then what you describe though. I think anyone that has introverted tendencies can atleast understand a little bit about what the OP has described. In which case, is not related to selfishness at all, but an indifference. It’s one thing to fear a relationship, and quite another to not care about having one or not being able to grasp understanding why one would want to maintain one as those in the “Why do you love your SO?” thread do. But that doesn’t mean one doesn’t recognize that they’re different than most, which is what the OP seems to be dwelling on (he’s not asking about advice on obtaining a relationship, just that he’s recognized that he’s different in that he doesn’t seek relationships for reasons already outlined). It’s more of a “I don’t get” the emotional investment of a relationship vs. “I don’t get” why I can’t get a date because I’m afraid to ask girls out.
I think , in this case, there’s a large degree of denial. It’s so much easier to convince one’s self to feel nothing than to admit being afraid.
Just my opinion.
YR,
You may well find that some psyche meds make you feel much better (if that’s the word), but in the meantime, remember that the ability to cope with life generally becomes easier as you get older, and so you can expect your life to become more acceptable and pleasant.
I’m thinking you’re one love away from seeing it all pretty quickly, but even if you maintain your current outlook, you’ll find other things to occupy your mind, and these, too, can be the basis for a “good” life that gets easier over time.
That’s what first came to my mind, too, although I don’t know much about them. That, or maybe Yag is an android. Have you tried peeling back your skin to see if there’s metal and wires underneath?
I’m going to kind of jump around here, and try to hit everything that’s been brought up…
Fear…is interesting.
I’m not afraid of relationships. Fear of rejection is not a fear I have. I’m not shy, though I act like it sometimes, when it would be imprudent to say what I’m thinking. Ridicule? Why would I care if someone wants to ridicule me? The only thing that affects is my social standing with the other people around them. If I effectively deal with the ridicule, then I can preserve my standing with those people, or even enhance it. It’s just an opportunity for me to demonstrate that I can handle it well.
It would be a lie if I said that social rejection has no effect on me…it does. For about 30 seconds, and then I get over it. That length of time doesn’t change based on how long I’ve known the person doing the rejecting, and I don’t waste any time afraid of whether or not it will eventually happen.
Because they’re bored of watching TV? Seriously, though, going out and training for a marathon is just as much letting your disability define you as sitting around watching TV is. In one case you’re trying to fight against it, in the other you’re giving in to it. In neither case are you accepting it and doing what you want. Not that I’m trying to say that no cripples who train for marathons or watch TV are doing what they actually want to do.
All three of the calls you mentioned would be pointless to me, unless I had an ulterior motive. I can go get icecream alone, if I want it.
Or, for a real life example, someone I’d known for about 2 weeks asked me “How was work today?” That question caught me off guard and I immediately started thinking about how to answer it, and why they were asking. The answer I decided on was something similar to “meh, it was work”, a non-answer that doesn’t really say anything, but sounds like I’m saying something. It was really none of their business.
No, I don’t feel guilt.
Yes, I’ve always been this way…well, almost always. There was one time when I was 7 or 8 and someone I knew had to leave (couldn’t ever see them again)…I cried a bit then.
Emotions were allowed to be shown, but they were mostly shown by one parent, and rejected by the other. Not that I had any desire to share or disclose them in the first place. The last thing I want when I’m feeling sad is to have another person around. I also have no desire to share my emotions when I’m feeling happy, lest you think this only applies to negative emotions. Most of the time when I’m feeling something I work to bring myself back to my baseline. I tried an experiment recently where I allowed happy/sad/whatever to run their course without interference and decided that it wasn’t worth it.
What does it mean to love yourself? What do you do when you love yourself that you don’t do when you hate yourself? Or are just indifferent about yourself? I see that ‘love yourself’ thing thrown around quite a bit, so I’m kind of curious.
While I’d love to say I’m an android…
Hmm maybe I’m an android with blood. I never have actually tried peeling back my skin.