I don't know a single thing about cats.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I’m a student. Recently I moved into a house with a guy who has a cat.

Now, most of my family is allergic to cats, and my dad just straight up hates them even though he’s not one of the allergic ones, so I was raised to hate them for no specified reason. I’ve recently come to terms with the fact that I don’t really hate them deep down in my spirit the way he wants me to, but I don’t really like them either.

Basically I don’t know how to deal with them. I’m a dog person. I get dogs. They make sense to me. Cats just completely do not.

The cat I now live with is named Lucille. Don’t ask me anything else about her except that she’s gray and has green marble-looking eyes that creep me out, and she’s kind of fat.

The first few days after I moved in, she apparently decided that we should be good friends. She rubbed up against me, slept on my bed frequently, and garnished everything I own with a much-needed coating of hair. I was gracious and didn’t really make a big deal out of it. Things were fine. I tried to politely ignore her and live with the hair as best I could.

About a week in I (accidentally, I promise) tripped over her, and she didn’t seem to love that. She stayed away from me for about two weeks, which was no problem at all. Now she’s back. She always comes around looking for attention from me but seems to recoil and do her viper impression any time I reach for her and try to be nice. She follows me around the house but hisses and runs as soon as I turn around and face her.

She walks on my laptop (annoying), sits on my pillow (disgusting) and rubs her head on my ankles, revving like a snowblower (disturbing). I don’t know how to deal with her.

If there’s anywhere on present-day earth where cats are revered, it’s gotta be here, so I’m sorry if I’ve said anything that’s inadvertently offensive to you cat people, but I think I was kind of hoping for some general new-cat-roomie tips.
Anybody?

2

Cats don’t like to make eye contact and be chased after by strangers, which is why they ironically seem to be attracted most to cat-haters. The cat-haters ignore the cat, and the cat interprets this as non-threatening. Lucille seems like a sweet sort of girl, so as long as you continue to act indifferently toward her, she will keep coming around. If you really want her to keep away, squirt her with a squirt bottle of water, hiss at her, or stamp your feet when she comes near. If you want to be best buds, keep doing what you’re doing!

3

While I will definitely keep all of these things in mind (primarily the squirt bottle), it’s not necessarily that I want her to keep away as much as that I just don’t know what she wants from me. She seems so arbitrarily aggressive. She comes looking for attention but flips out when I try to give it to her. I think I just don’t know how.

Incidentally, these things are all directly parallel to the reasons I no longer have a girlfriend.

4

The difference between cats and dogs is as follows:

A dog will try to make you happy by doing what you say you want; a cat will try to make you happy by doing what it thinks you want.

If you just want to ignore the cat, you probably can. It may rub against you, be underfoot when you’re trying to walk, or be in your way somehow. That much you’ll probably have to learn to live with.

If you would like to be somewhat friendly with the cat, remember this. Do not try to force the cat to like you, or to do things. They like to play, and be petted, and you can offer those opportunities to the cat, but it won’t do those things on command. My process with a new cat is to squat down (smaller, less threatening), reach my hand out and down (fingers down, so he doesn’t think I’m getting ready to grab him) and let him sniff my fingers. If he lets me pet him, start with the top of the head and the jawline below the ears.

Cats are not yes-men. They don’t understand obedience as a means of showing their affection. But they’re not mean. They just expect to have their own lives and thoughts as much as you do.

5

Cat treats. Some stinky chewy ones. If it’s ok with her human, that is. Giving a cat treats can go a long way with the peacemaking process.

6

Maybe when you’re trying to be friendly, you’re being too physical. I’ve seen people grab dogs and roughhouse with them, roll them over, scratch their fur every direction; that’s too much for a cat (until you really know what you’re doing). Pet a cat’s fur with the grain, generally from head to tail. Pretend a friend is showing off her new fur coat and you just want to feel how soft it is. If you get it right, the cat will do most of the work.

If the cat wants to play (chasing a string, batting a ball, pouncing on your hand) let her win. If she starts getting too rough, just stop, don’t feel like you have to make her submit.

7

Dogs are staff, and see you as the boss.

Cats are management, and see you as staff.

8

I love cats. I really, really do. I will talk to strange cats if I encounter them in public. Then I’ll use babytalk, which embarrasses my husband if he’s with me. I have three cats living in the Bodoni household right now.

I will tell you a few things. See how I didn’t say that I OWN three cats in that sentence? Humans don’t own cats. It’s true that we are bigger and stronger than cats, and sometimes use this to our advantage when we want to do something like stuff them in a carrier and take them to the vet, but we don’t OWN them. Also, when a cat is bored, it will likely puke. Yes, that’s right, cats will puke (or hork, as some people say) as a hobby. They will prefer to do this on the most expensive flat surface available. Despite what it might seem, cats normally have 18 claws, five on each front foot, and four on each back foot. You will see the occasional polydactyl cat who has more than 18 toes, but they’re not very common. No matter what it seems like, no cat REALLY has 100 claws. Calvin observed of Hobbes that five of his six ends are pointy. You would be well advised to take this into consideration.

You might never “get” cats. Some people don’t. My husband thought that he wasn’t a cat person, until our last trip to the Humane Society, when a very small, very active kitten decided that Bill was his human. Bill still says that he doesn’t like cats, that Charlie is just a stripy orange puppy dog. Then he calls Charlie over to him, and plays Fetch with him. Yes, some cats will play Fetch, but it has to be the cat’s idea.

Read: jamesshuggins.com - contact with domain owner | Epik.com

9

I agree with the other stuff you say but not this. Cats simply won’t try to make you happy at all. They may make you happy, but not by trying. Pleasing you is just not on their agenda. Period.

If there is one single thing you need to know it is that cats are coy, and will want to be with you if you are the same. The less well they know you, the more this is true. If you know one very well you can be direct if they are in exactly the right mood. But that is advanced level stuff.

10

I compare cats to humans…some of them are assholes, and some of them are super cool.

Dogs, OTOH, can at least be trained to pretend that they like you. And chances are good that they aren’t pretending; dogs are pure of heart, simple in their needs, and generally grateful for what they receive.

Cats will have none of that nonsense.

I say this as a 30 year old woman who had 6 cats growing up, and several since then…the latest two of whom were both strays with nowhere to go.

From my experience, female cats are more finicky, more high-maintenance, and generally more bizarre. This is why both my current cats are male. They come when I call, they love sleeping in my lap, they run to the door when they hear me coming, etc…

I’ve never gotten that kind of respect/adoration from a female cat. Which is–sadly for you–what you are dealing with.

All I can tell you is that from my experience, the more you ignore a cat, the more he/she will court you. They love a challenge. They also love running hot and cold. If she is rubbing along your leg, scratch the top of her head and see how she responds; if she pauses, chances are good that she likes it. If you get underneath her chin–where she stretches her neck out and squinches her eyes shut–she’s loving it.

This doesn’t mean she loves YOU. It just means she loves what you’re doing at that moment.

Give her time. Chances are good she’ll eventually come around.

And if she’s annoying you, a spray-bottle on full-blast has never met a feline friend.

11

If nothing else, they can be useful. One (or more than one) of my three chased this off my door and killed it last night: Big Ugly Spider - Not Kidding, It Really Is.

In general though, the advice in this thread is good. You’re doing all the right non-threatening cat language stuff, so that’s attractive to her. Course, if you reach for her that might be a threat. Or she just might be strange…

I’d seriously make noise or squirt her with a water gun if you just don’t want her around. Cats are smart and they will not hang out with you if you do that.

But I’d leave my door closed when I’m away if I did, cause cats are also…devious.

12

You may not know a single thing about cats.

Cats know all there is to know about you

13

You seem to be doing pretty well so far. How does this cat react to her owner? Cats are solitary, so they have no hard-wired need to please their pack leader like dogs, they just do whatever pleases them the most. One cat may want to curl up in your lap constantly, another will hate being picked up, a third will follow you around all day and the fourth will ignore you 95% of the time.

Rubbing up against you is her way of marking you as part of her territory. The hissing and running is her way of telling you that closer contact isn’t wanted.

My advice, mostly ignore the cat, occasionally play with her, using her favorite toys, if she hisses and runs away, it’s just what she wanted to do. When she rubs your leg, bend over and let her rub your hand the same way she does your leg, you can work that into a regular petting motion.

14

Pretty much spot on. I used to play hide-and-seek outside with a cat I looked after. If I tried to get her attention, she would ignore me. If however I went and hid out of sight, after a few minutes curiosity would get the better of her and she would come find me.

Some tips if you want to be friends:

  • Minimal eye contact, as suggested above. Staring is threatening. If you do make eye contact, do a slow blink and then look away. This is friendly.

  • A lot of non-cat people wonder why cats run away or hiss when they try to pet them. Often this is because the person goes straight for the head, and what the cat sees is a hand coming at them, fast, right at their face. Pet from the side and approach slowly enough for the cat to see you’re not a threat. You can also hold out a hand or finger for the cat to sniff - again, put it out gently and at least a foot from the cat. Let the cat come to you.

  • A light scratching, especially in areas the cat can’t scratch itself, will gain you a permanent friend. Behind the ears, top of the head, under the chin and along the spine are all good. Under the collar (if the cat has one) is even better. Scratch with enough force to get under the fur down to the skin, but no more.

Caveat: Your Cat May Vary. Sometimes cat have sore spots or memories of previous injuries that may mean that certain body areas are off limits to petting or scratching. Learn them and respect them, or face a shredded hand. And I wouldn’t scratch the cat’s belly until you know whether or not it likes it - that’s a recipe for getting all five pointy ends at once.

  • Speaking of scratching: making a small scratching noise (as with your fingernail on a doorframe or bit of cardboard) will gain you immediate interest as you sound like a mouse burrowing or nibbling.

Some tips if you want the cat to hate you:

  • The aforementioned spray bottles

  • Staring. For added effect, hiss like a cat.

  • Some cats dislike citrus odors. Consider a lemon-scented existence.

Just be aware that if you really piss off a cat, it may take revenge. I have known felines to strategically deposit pee, poop, puke and hairballs after being offended. For starters, always check your shoes before you put them on…

15

My very female cat thinks she’s a dog. She’s super-affectionate, sleeps in my bed, sometimes comes when called, and yowls for me whenever she feels lonely.

16

Gleena, I appreciate the insight into the usefulness of cats, but now I’m not going to sleep tonight. I don’t know why I even tried clicking that link.

Robot Arm, I’ve definitely made sure not to be too aggressive. Even moderately forceful head-rubbing seems to set this girl off. Generally if she’s all up in my space I try what others have said, gently running the back of my hand along her head as she moves by, and that usually seems good enough for both of us.

The owner (or custodian, or bondservant, or whatever) frequently plays much more roughly than this, pushing her around and tossing her, etc. Not only do I have no desire to do this, I don’t think she has that desire for our future either, so that’s fine. The only bit of advice he gave me when I first moved in was “Don’t touch her tail.”

Finally, Lynn, regarding the recreational puking - I’ve noticed that, and thought it was odd enough to mention to aforementioned owner/custodian/bondservant and he just shrugged it off and said unless it was on my stuff, don’t worry too much about it. It makes so much more sense now, so thank you.

And thank you to the rest of you as well. You’re all being extremely helpful.

17

Anything more than that is generally too rough for a cat that you don’t know pretty well. I usually recommend using about the same pressure you would to stroke a baby’s cheek. If you’re not used to babies, use the same amount of pressure you would to scratch your own nose. Cats are little and pressure feels harder to them than it does to us, so be very gentle. Otherwise, you’re like that uncle who grabs little kids to noogie them, and it feels like he’s shoving his knuckles through your skull and down into your throat. Kids hate that guy even though he’s just trying to make friends, and so do cats. Cats piss/shit/puke on things that belong to people they hate.

It sounds like your roommate’s cat is pretty normal, as cats go. The main thing about cats is that they want what they want, when and how they want it, and always utterly on their own terms. That’s not to say you should always or even mostly go along with this agenda (mine are sorely disappointed many times a day), but keeping it in mind helps you understand why they act in such apparently contradictory ways sometimes. The kitty in question may run away when you reach out to pet her because you pet too hard sometimes, or it may be a case where by golly she makes the contact, not you. You never really know what’s going on inside those furry little skulls.

18

Cats have different friends and different tempers. Of my two–one is my baby cat, and reacts violently to strangers and is even wary of people she’s known for years (she only just this last six months started being really friendly to my wife who’s been living with me since 2002). But I can toss and tumble her and she loves it.

My other cat has not to my knowledge ever used his claws in anger, purrs with happiness upon seeing any human, and wants nothing more than rough pets, being picked up, and generally being treated like a dog with claws.

19

I have to disagree with this statement. Frequently, I DO know what’s going on in those tiny minds. They want whatever I’m eating, or they want attention. They will make this very clear to even the densest of humans. Of course, in these cases it’s to their advantage to make their wishes known.

Other times…I’ll have no idea WHY Charlie is Zooming around the house, other than the fact that he just likes to zoom sometimes. Maybe he’s chasing a bug. Maybe he’s chasing another cat. Maybe he feels the need for some exercise. Maybe he saw a ghost. He frequently Zooms, and all of us have just learned to live with it.

20

Despite being a dog man at heart, I can still appreciate why cats are so popular.

I used to always stop and pet cats I saw outside - if they’d let me - but after seeing one too many posters for missing cats and knowing what sick people are about, now I always stamp my foot or shout at them to try and make them less trusting.