Setting aside all issues of personal convenience or personal practicality, there are not enough hotel rooms in all of America to accommodate every non-trumpist woman married to or living with a trumpist man.
This. They’re all like that. Male & female alike.
They’ve been conditioned to Gish Gallop the talking points with great vehemence as thoroughly as a talking parrot (the real avian kind). And with just as much understanding as the bird too.
That sounds good! I’ll try that when he gets home from work.
What I did say last night was, “Look at it from my perspective. All my life, and I was born in 1970, so that’s a lot of second-wave feminism, I’ve been promised a woman President ‘some day’. And now it’s twice I’ve been let down. This is a lot harder to take for me than it would have been for you if Trump had lost.” That’s when he said that about my not working to get Harris elected. Then we called a truce and he went to bed.
Also what LSL said about hotel rooms. I’m not in danger of being hit; I’m not going to push the panic button just yet.
As I mentioned in the other thread, I’m really sorry to hear this. I’m glad my wife and I are on the same wavelength regarding trump, but she has a brother and a couple sisters and brothers in-law who are totally in the tank for trump, despite the fact that they are otherwise good, decent people in general.
I do not get it. More than half the voting population of the US voted for trump, and just as I can’t believe it of my in-laws, I can’t believe that all of them are horrible, hateful people who agree with everything trump has done and said. I have to believe in many cases they are simply misguided people who choose to believe that the negative stuff about trump is ‘fake news’ and that trump can and will do all the good things for the country they’ve been led to believe. Hopefully your husband is in this class of people who are otherwise good and decent, despite their blind spot toward trump.
I’m curious-- if I may ask, what does he think or say about the more awful, negative or just plain kooky things trump has said, done and been accused of: does he stick his head in the sand and attribute it all to ‘fake news’? Does he accept that those negatives are real, but he thinks trump is better for the country anyway? He doesn’t, from how you’ve described him otherwise, seem to be the type of trumper who actually embraces the misogynistic, racist, rapist, fascist aspects of trump.
That is so tough. I hate that you’re married to someone who supports a fascist, but the greater danger to your marriage, I think, comes from the contempt he’s expressing for you.
I can imagine being married to someone with very different beliefs than myself, as long as they showed me respect. But the moment they laughed at my distress would be a watershed moment for me.
This article might be worth reading, and possibly sharing:
The Four Horsemen: Contempt | Gottman Relationship Principle.
@Rilchiam take care of yourself. If that means tuning out the news, or the Dope, or whatever, do it. If it means going off with a friend or sibling for a weekend break from your husband do it. If you clearly communicate to your husband that his gloating is hurting you and he doesn’t stop doing it, then you have an important data point to help your decision making.
Fair, but that’s also part of the “how they react” part of the equation.
I would hope that, even with carte blanche in general, if one partner in a relationship did something the other truly disliked and that dislike was expressed, then a discussion would be had to change, modify, revert back, or whatever. And that’s a “one no” situation even if it’s a long negotiation and process.
I’d consider it to be abusive to insist on having things your way even in the face of your partner’s distress or discomfort.
Of course, not all relationships have good communication, and all kinds of factors muddy the waters and certainly I don’t know the specifics in this relationship.
I mean this with all kindness. If you’re going to divorce him, better do it sooner rather than later, before they outlaw no-fault divorce.
You can’t burn the barn down. Sign or not.
It’s 30 effing years. (Like others said, physical danger negates all else, run if you need to).
I have hope in my heart that the crazy Maga shit will calm. Especially when they realize what Trump cannot, will not do.
The first time it stings in his house there will be real change.
Stop talking politics with him. Full stop. Refuse to engage.
Walk away. Let him know this is not what will be talking about, ever again. Period.
If you cannot do that. Your beliefs are so strong you must proselytize or preach it, you’ll look brainwashed to him. And that’s on you.
If you must be that way, maybe you need to make some future plans.
Don’t do anything quickly. You have time.
Hang in there. Vent and talk here. It’s safe. ,
I should clarify that I read this thread during a break at work and maybe read it quickly; I had interpreted it to be that the husband put the flag up specifically to celebrate the win and gloat.
It seems it’s actually been there for a while, and it’s more a symptom of the conflict rather than a deliberate attack/insult as I thought.
@ mnemosyne: Yeah, he had it put up in late September. We had some guys working on the yard, they had a tall ladder and one of them put it up. What was I gonna do.
Maybe I shouldn’t have said “gloating”. He wasn’t laughing at me; he was mansplaining. About how Harris was weak, and all the reasons Trump is the best thing for the country. When I pointed out that some talking heads on Fox were praising Harris’s efforts, specifically saying that she did an excellent job within a ninety-day window, he brushed that off. “Of course they say nice things about the LOSER! And she did NOT run an ‘excellent campaign’.”
One thing that has helped, funnily enough, is Bible study. (Which, from force of habit, I keep calling ‘fellowship’.) It’s once a week, in the evening, and there’s a rule that all political talk has to be left at the door. We talk about things like patience, understanding and tolerance. I think some of that may be sinking in to him.
Forgot to reply to this:
He calls “fake news” on just about anything he doesn’t like. He’s not homophobic, but that doesn’t matter, because we don’t know any (openly) LGBTQ+ people around here. He is pro-life, but I understand his reasons. (I’m past menopause, and I told him years ago, I would never abort his child.) He believes Trump either never went to The Island, or did go but didn’t do anything actionable. He just honestly believes that Trump is the best thing for the country.
I mean, it’s not just my marriage, it’s this country. That’s really what I meant when I said “What am I going to do?” Looking at the banner* the first time made me think of The Sound of Music, when the Captain pulls down and tears up the swastika flag, and Max comments to the effect of, “Why bother? Soon those flags are going to be everywhere.” There’s not enough wrong with this marriage for me to run with it. There’s enough wrong with this country that I feel I have nowhere to run to.
*For the record, it says:
TRUMP 2024
Take America Back.
would you please stop with this, it’s entirely not helpful…two posts before yours the OP said
stop trying to act like you have a better understanding of the situation than the OP who, you know, has only been married to the guy for 25 years
Such an odd thing to say. There is no evidence of physical violence suggested by the OP. Whatever their problems, physical violence does not seem to be one.
Not sure of this thread’s legitimacy.
My wife is a Trump supporter, whereas I can’t stand him. I just ignore it.
Naah, the OP is real. Been around here forever. Most of the comments are also reality-based as the poster sees them. And these are long-timers too.
Some of the comments are a bit fanciful. Lotta folks are on edge today.
Is that a reference to something? Like a claim Trump made about Harris?
I’ll second the Gottman reference above. Gottman’s institute has amassed a great deal of data on their relatonal model, and the work they publish for the public is easy to understand.
I should clarify something. This did not get started from a place of hate. Mr. Rilch honestly thought he was doing good, and still does. He has always been conservative and Republican, but when we moved here, two things happened. First, it was post-Katrina and some other disasters, and since we were so remote, he thought that if we got hit by a natural disaster, we’d better not count on FEMA showing up any too soon. So we should stock up on MREs and water purifying tablets and the like. Which I’m not sorry about, especially since not long after, we had an issue that was just us, and those supplies did come in handy. (Fire on the property. House was okay, but main power/gas/water source was torched. Spent a month on generator power and a thing called a water buffalo.) But you can imagine what kind of mailing/e-mail lists he ended up on, right?
Second, he had a medical issue, went to the local doctor and was prescribed pills that did nothing. Googled his condition, found out it could be alleviated with alternative medicine, tried what the website recommended, and the problem went away. But a new problem emerged: the website either was, or was connected to, InfoWars. And…you may not want to believe me, but I take some of the stuff he recommends, and it does seem to work. The women’s supplement cured my hot flashes; the healing salve makes small cuts and burns disappear practically overnight. And I haven’t gotten hooked on any of it, either. And I can’t argue with Mr. Rilch’s assertion that the Vitamin C bomb I gave him when he had viral pneumonia saved his life.
Still…InfoWars. And the fact that Jonesy keeps getting sued and censored and shut down just fuels Mr. Rilch’s conviction that he has to be right, otherwise the left wouldn’t be so scared of him.
My point being, if you’re picturing some meathead survivalist who pushes me around, no, nothing like that. Intelligent people can be some of the most susceptible, if the person conning them is good at sounding right.
OP, perhaps you can clarify this for me. You say
and
But your first post was NOT about the country but specifically about your marriage:
That first post is pretty clear. Why would you be uncertain if your marriage is going to survive if there’a not enough wrong with it to run? Are you worried he’d dump you? Yet that’s not what context suggests.
It’d help me understand if you could clear this up. Thanks.