I don't know what to do. The wedding's off.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

I’d convinced myself I’d never fall in love.

Then this happened.

Then it unhappened.

norinew and danceswithcats: Will it get better? I’ll get over the hurt, and we’ll still be friends. But I don’t see myself ever doing this again. The fact is that I’ll get a job that pays the bills. Maybe it will pay enough so that I can fly. Maybe I’ll even win my dream and make a living in aviation. But I don’t see myself sharing a life with anyone. I’d given up trying before Sandy, and now that’s over.

Anyone who wants me will have to approach me first. And I’m going to be gunshy for a very, very long time.

22

Oh, bloody.

Just got a call from the gaffer on tomorrow’s shoot. I managed not to sound drunk. But still, I am in my cups. I’ve got to haul out my skateboard dolly, my pitiful 10 feet of track, my 750w Fresnel, and my gobos, and be functional for a grueling day of shooting.

Frankly, I’d just as soon stay frunk under the covers.

23

Work is good! It’ll help keep your mind off your troubles.

Breaking up really sucks big time. At some point, you’ll appreciate her honesty now rather than going through with a marriage that ulitmately ends in divorce.

I hope you can still be friends.

24

Damn, man, I don’t know what to say. I’m so sorry. Regardless, Johnny, you’re not a jerk. This isn’t your fault.

25

Ouch. Sorry to hear you’re going through this heartbreak. I hope that things start looking brighter for you soon.
I too had a relationship that I thought was truly “the one” break up right when I was in a really low spot. I thought I’d never get over that…but, you know, as it turns out, that was a turning point in my life. Going through that made me grow in ways I never would have expected and in the long run it was actually a positive experience. Early on, it’s never easy, but with time, I hope you too can find some silver lining in this.

26

hugs Johnny L.A. for a long, long time

27

I’m so sorry to hear this, Johnny L.A.. I saw the thread title and thought well… damn. But, hey Johnny, don’t up and sell the farm just yet. Give yourself a minute or two to adjust. Stuff really can get better.

28

First, my sincere sympathy for what must feel like a hot crap topping to your recent shit sundae.

Maybe you and she just tried to jump ahead too far too fast. Her moving across country, moving in with you, getting married - those are pretty big changes for both of you. Maybe you need smaller steps - maybe you could move to the same place so you can date and do normal stuff, and see where it goes from there. If she agreed to marry you in the first place, she must have a depth of feeling for you. Maybe you need a compromise here.

Like others have said, don’t make any big decisions right now. If you’re not feeling like yourself, your decision-making faculties are probably a little impaired right now. It doesn’t sound like you’re depressed, though - it sounds like you’re having a major identity crisis. Have you considered seeing a counsellor or somebody to help you sort a few things out?

29

I’m sorry to hear the news.

I agree with most of the support posts here. All I can add is focus on the small things you can accomplish now as small victories to bring back the self-confidence. Work on the daily and weekly stuff like the food shopping, watching a favorite TV program, taking a *daily[/] brisk walk at the same time every day, etc. The idea is to work your way into a routine of things that you control in your life that achieve positive results all the time. When you do that, slow down a bit and enjoy what there is around you.

Now tackle bigger things and plans that last a week down the road, etc. Build up your self confidence one step at a time. Then start going after things where the certainty is not there but your are confident you will succeed as long as you work at it. Ultimately you want to get back to daily living where you look forward to each day, with it normal ups and downs.

Finally, don’t worry about relationships and whether you will find your love. Let it find you in due course.

Stay in touch here. You have the best support network there is in the world.

30

Question: did she break up with you, or decide she didn’t want to get married?

Because if it’s the latter, it’s still possible to build a life together. I know a lot of couples, married and unmarried but committed, who do not share a home or a bank account, but who are very happy and stable in the kind of relationship and life they’ve built together. Often, they do this for the same reasons your fiancee cites.

Maybe there are still possibilities for the two of you?

31

I have no advice, but loads of sympathy.

{{{{Johnny LA}}}}}}

Take care of you.

32

hey, don’t, like…shoot yourself in the head, or anything, that’s no good

33

And who is he calling at 7:30PM on a Friday who ISN’T a wee bit drunk?

My friend, and after four years I claim the right to call you my friend, it gets better. And I’ve known too many people who broke up AFTER the marriage because they were too used to living alone so maybe the heartbreak isn’t as bad as it would’ve been had she realized it later. But if you need a shoulder to cry on I’m here for you.

34

Here’s to tomorrow being a better day. And the tomorrow after that, and the one after that. It is truly just a matter of one day at a time.

I agree with those who’ve advised: take care of yourself, Johnny L.A. You’re a special guy.

35

I don’t know you, Johnny. I got no hugs for you. I really have no sympathy to offer you that would mean anything to you – I don’t reckon you care what I think.

So just take this for what it’s worth – a scribble in some notebook from someone who’s been down that trail.

Don’t let yourself down. Don’t let yourself go. You’re feeling like you’re all you’ve got right now. Ok then. Do right by yourself. Johnny’s gotta take care of Johnny.

Once you sober up, find every bottle in your house and toss it out, or give it away, just get rid of it. I don’t care if the seal’s still unbroken and it cost you half a year’s pay – find someone to keep it for you. Take up smoking if you have to, but please don’t crawl into the bottom of a bottle, cause brother, there’s no one worth your time who wants to join you down there.

Get a project. One project. Something you’ve always wanted to do. I know, I know, it’s all meaningless right now, but hey, what else you got to do?

Focus. FOCUS. Keep moving.

I’m not going to tell you that there’s something better out there. There is, but you won’t be able to see it right now, or recognize it for what it is. Millions of men – and I mean that literally – have been where you’re standing. Sure, that’s no comfort to you. And I don’t mean it to be. All I’m saying is, we’re here to tell you, there’s something beyond what you’re feeling – unless you give in.

I’m not telling you this because I care about what happens to you. Apparently, plenty of people on this board know you, and they do care. They must have their reasons. They must see something in you that matters to them. I guess if I knew you, I would too. As it is, you’re just another man to me. But man to man, I’d be lying if I said that giving up was the way to go, and that there is no path to living a full life again.

Get selfish. Make yourself the best g*****n person you can be. The world will be a better place if you do.

36

I’m sorry Johnny L.A.. I hope things work out for you.

37

I agree with Ruby there Johnny. Keep busy. Work is good because it fills the hour with busy thoughts that keep you from dwelling on sad thoughts. As long as you’re moving (doesn’t matter if you feel like you’re going sideways or backwards) you won’t sink.

The best relationships I’ve ever had were the ones that were borne out of me doing what I like to do and meeting someone who likes the same.

Take time to shore up the cracked foundations of your spirit and make sure you keep doing the work you like to do and the hobbies you love to do. Use those passions to keep you busy.

Things will fall into place after that.

38

I just recently went through a similar soul-shattering experience, although my situation was totally my fault in every conceivable way with someone who was a less than stellar choice. Can I say bastard in this forum? Anway, I won’t degrade your pain (or stretch everyone else’s patience here) with re-iterating my sordid saga and how stupid I was. But if you ever need to commiserate with another who’s in the boat at the exact. same. time., please don’t hesitate to send me an email for a bitch session when you need it. Or a shoulder to cry on in leiu (not that one) of beer if the budget is tight. It’s in my profile and since my shoulders are very broad, I love to just listen and offer that extremely necessary empathy that may ever get us to come out of our shells again.

Hey, perhaps that’s not too likely. Although it never hurts to try and saving money is always a positive thing.

Regardless, wishing you the absolute best and hoping that your time in the proverbial pit of hell dumps ends quickly. With something to make your world better and worthwhile. You deserve it. Especially with so much crap sent your way. I’ll even light a candle -and- do the Snoopy Happy Dance in your honor.

Just promise not to look. If you do, no webcams! Please!! :eek: :smiley:

~faithfool, who’s still waiting, but praying it’ll happen anyway

(Also if you have any reservations about me being some wierdo internet stalker and would rather not, I understand that too. However, I promise I haven’t cut anyone into little pieces for at least three months. Plus I’m getting over that bizarre random twitch thing when I wear plastic pink clogs. Truly. So, no harm no foul. Except on Wednesdays, right after midnight, when the moon is definitely in the summer house. No substitutes. Really.)

39

I don’t know what else to say except that I’m sorry, and good wishes to you.

40

Johnny,

Sent an e-mail to the account listed on your profile.