- You don’t need a symmetrical wedding party. We had two bridesmaids and one groomsman - I don’t think anyone even noticed.
- I would also vote for extending the invitation to your friend to come just as a guest, then drop it.
- Your friend being cut off from his friends is a form of psychological abuse if that is indeed what his girlfriend is doing. I would suggest maintaining as much friendship as you can with him, in the hopes that he leaves his control freak some day and needs friends again. It surprises me how we seem to gloss over women controlling men as normal, but we would probably all be getting quite huffy if it was a man controlling a woman like this.
Just another post to echo what everyone else said. You can let him know it was a disappointment and you hope he’ll be able to make the wedding but if he doesn’t, don’t be surprised.
Also, my wedding party was very assymmetrical. I had three attendants, and my hub only had a best man.
This is exactly what I was going to say. I had three bridesmaids, and therefore asked my husband to have three groomsmen as well. (He initially was only going to have a best man). I wouldn’t have particularly cared if he had adamantly not wanted any more groomsmen, but I figured if there are people he can ask, why not? This is very different, and in fact almost opposite from forbidding him to go out with his friends.
Sorry, realized I forgot to respond to the OP.
I’m with Manda JO as to your actual response to your friend. Keep your doors open to your friend, especially since he sounds like he might need an open door to go to at some point. If he decides not to come to the wedding, there’s not too much you can do about that, so I would try to let it go despite the disappointment you feel.
You have ten months to the wedding. Wait five or six months and see whether he is still attached to his current gf. If not, ask him again, then.
I guess part of my problem with this perspective is that I don’t give a lot of credence to “that bitch my friend is dating is spoiling our friendship!” I don’t think one adult has the right to “let” another do anything, or to “forbid” another from doing anything.
We all make choices and compromises in our lives, and sometimes we make them to please others, or at least avoid a big hairy fight. That doesn’t mean the decisions weren’t our own.
Don’t get me wrong: The GF may well be the world’s biggest beyatch. But the decision to go or not to go, to be friends or not, to socialize or not – that’s the guy’s decision. Maybe he would decide differently if she wasn’t in the picture, but it’s still his decision.
Jeez, EVERYBODY caves to control freak girlfriends. Ok, just for the hell of if, I say don’t take this lying down.
Your job – bust 'em up. It’s for his own good. Plead, whine, beg. Offer your anus in exchange for the loss of her vagina – we all need a good fuck every now and then – or a bad one.
Good luck and Og speed.
Most of the advice here goes with what I’ve already decided- just let it go. The thing to bear in mind is that he’s declining to come at all- even as a guest.
As for the “symetrical” thing- my fiancee has asked for almost nothing in relation to the wedding. I’ve had friends who have had Bridezillas, screaming and crying because they couldn’t find shoes in just the right shade of mauve or what have you. My fiancee has simply asked that, since she’s having two bridesmaids, she’d like me to have a Best Man and a Groomsman as well. I don’t think it’s an especially unreasonable request. (She’s not throwing a tantrum about it, it’s just something she’s said she’d like).
So, Martini, does this mean you’re not going to offer your anus in exchange for his current vagina? 
Note to self - swallow the green tea before reading SDMB threads.
Yes, dear.
Regards,
Shodan
Did I say it was OK for you to post? There’s dishes to be done.
Oh, and the Smiths are coming over for dinner. So you’ll have to cancel your poker night.
I don’t think it’s unreasonable either. I don’t know what a Groomsman does, but you’ll probably appreciate the help.
I think it’s good that you’re not pushing things with your friend. He probably feels worse about not attending than you do. Make sure he knows you’re okay with it.