“Hey, this guy is going to be famous.”
“Wow, this is going to be a new syndrome.”
“Hey, get a load of this. They told me about it in medical school, but I thought I would never see it.”
“Don’t worry about it, Dr. Smith, everybody makes a mistake now and then.”
The Coyote gnaws …
but he does not swallow.
It’s impossible! There are so many. Everyone of them have made me smile, and quite a few gave me a giggle fit.
I’m going to frame them all. I’ll print out the thread and give it to a friend who has a Cad setup.
Thanks a lot, guys. Your posts have really perked me up. 
“Christ, with all that stuff we left in him, it’ll be like a time capsule for the coroner.”
“Whew! And I thought they smelled bad…on the inside!”
Damn. Funny line and I screwed it up.
Should be:
“Whew! And I thought they smelled bad…on the outside!”
The day before I go in for surgery, I’m at a state park using the bathroom. Two guys are getting ready to shower and start talking about their wives that are nurses.
“She talks in her sleep.“Ok Mr Jones, now were just going to wash you up a bit.””
“God, I hate hearing that.”
“I keep seeing her rubbing this guy down.“Now we’ll just dry you off.””
“It makes me jealious.”
The conversation went on a bit more. I kept thinking of what they said all before the surgery.
Oops! This WASN’T the patient that was supposed to get his testicles amputated?
MaryAnn
I’m sorry you didn’t win, mom, but I’ll give you a constellation prize! -Greg
“Damn, I forgot to take my seizure medication this morning.”
(Female surgeon) “Goddammit, get out of my way! I’ve got PMS and I’m cramping like hell!”
“We’re out of suture material? Wait a minute, I’ve got some superglue in my pocket.”
“Oops.”
“Oh shit.”
“I feel dizzy - I think I’m gonna pass out.”
“Hey! Anybody got a camera? I want a picture of this!”
Sacred cows make the best hamburgers. - Mark Twain
“Cecil Adams? Who’s Cecil Adams?”
“The quickest way to a man’s heart is through his ribcage.” --anonymous redhead
“I believe I’m going to throw up now.”
“Boy, that sure is a lot of blood on the floor.”
“He’s waking up, hit him with this bedpan.”
“Aw c’mon Ren, I want to be a MAN, like the nice lady.”
If we change these around, wonder if he will notice his blood is flowing backwards?
I brought in some extra garden hose in case we sever an artery.
Isn’t there a patient down the hall who needs a kidney transplant?
How about we throw in a free face-lift just for practice?
(you can hear the music from Psycho playing on the intercom)
“What d’ya mean I can’t eat in here”
“Hold on a sec. . . ‘The neck bone is connected to the shoulder bone. . .’”
“We didn’t give him enough anesthetic!
That’s O.K., there’s some weed in the storage. Stil fresh, I checked.”
“Blood. . . Kool-Aid, what’s the dif. There both red.”
“And make the cut here. … DAMN, The internet browser crashed AGAIN!”
“O.K., you can spray for cockroaches.”
“So, he’ll be under for four hours, right? We can go to lunch now and come back in time to finish.”
“Let’s start. Where are the leeches?”
This is America
A black woman warns cabbies to protect themselves by refusing to pick up young black men.
“Calling Dr. Howard, Dr. Fine, and Dr. Howard. Please report to OR immediately.”
“Why don’t we just amputate the leg and take all the veins we want?”
“Curare? Is that a good anesthetic?”
(and stolen from Warhol’s Frankenstein)
“To know death, Otto, you must first fuck life in the gall bladder!”
BTW, Wally, I think you should print these out and tape them to your chest before the surgery. Just some sort of guidelines for the surgical team.
Don’t forget, you’ll have 20 pussies happy and purring when you roll through the doors - not bad for a guy with a gimpy heart.
Sacred cows make the best hamburgers. - Mark Twain
Coldfire
"You know how complex women are"
This is America
A black woman warns cabbies to protect themselves by refusing to pick up young black men.
*Yeah, I have had a rough week. I was basically forced to leave this message board I posted to, simply because I accused people of being other people and kept lying about my evidence. Nobody loved poor little Phaedrus.
…So the tee was here by his neck, and the trap was about where his belly button is. So I’m thinking “play it safe with an iron.”
Anyway…
VB
Remember, you can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish!
Dammit Nurse! More duct tape!
WallyM7:
I think your wife won the contest. As you said in the OP, you don’t want to hear this if you wake up in the middle of surgery:
But it seems from the way you wrote the message that you misinterpreted her remark.
Chaim Mattis Keller
ckeller@kozmo.com
“Sherlock Holmes once said that once you have eliminated the
impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be
the answer. I, however, do not like to eliminate the impossible.
The impossible often has a kind of integrity to it that the merely improbable lacks.”
– Douglas Adams’s Dirk Gently, Holistic Detective